All Things Pop Culture

The History Of Movies From A to Z - A.I. (Artificial Intelligence)

2012-01-03T17:00:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! I'm finally onto the "A"s.

Where I bought this movie: Newbury Comics in Boston back in 2002. Newbury also had a bunch of used DVDs…in fact I think they were one of the first media stores that sold used DVDs. I miss that place…I miss Boston.* Why Own It?: I’m a sucker for wanting to own things after people die. Even though Steven Spielberg directed this movie, it was based on a script by Stanley Kubrick who was set to direct it before dying suddenly. Throw the goofy kid from The Sixth Sense into it and some pretty cool special effects and I was in a postmortem craving for this film.

* Had I seen this movie before?: I had seen it just once, in my old apartment in Brighton Center, Massachusetts…I miss my old apartment. My bedroom was big enough for a couch, a queen sized bed, and a Christmas tree.

* Time collecting dust: Almost 10 years.

* What I thought of the movie: When A.I. hit the theaters, I was dying to see it. The special effects looked amazing and the whole story was intriguing too. Taking place at some point in the future, science has allowed man to create robots in the shape of men…or in this movie’s case, a little boy named David. What starts as a tender mother/son relationship, it turns into a “robot boy fighting for survival” with some humor thrown in. At the center of the movie is Haley Joel Osmont’s performance as a little boy, in the form of a robot, just wanting to be loved by his mother. All in all, I liked this movie, but didn’t love it. The last 30 minutes drags a bit and the ending is just plain weird and has shades of Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull.

And the cast: The cast is small here. You have Haley Joel Osmont in almost every scene but then you mix in Jude Law and a few other adults. Haley does well though I wish I could punch him in the face a few times. He seemed too cheery to me. Keep a look out for a bunch of cameos from famous actors in the scene where the robots are about to be torn apart. My favorite character has to be Osmont’s stuffed animal and friend “Teddy”. To see a live walking and acting Teddy Bear and not have it look like Teddy Ruxpin was really neat. Teddy is voiced by Jack Angel who holds a special place in my heart as the voice of Astro Train in the original Transformers cartoon.

This guy is in it too.

Favorite Scenes: 1.) All the ones where things go wrong for David like eating the spinach and seeing his eye droop and mouth malfunction and later on when he’s pushed into the swimming pool. 2.) The scene where the robots are torn apart in inventive fashions. 3.) Near the end where pan over New York City but finding it submerged except for the tops of the tallest building (including the World Trade Center…sniff sniff)

Recommended?: For the special effects, yes. The story holds up enough to keep you interested but the second half and especially the final 30 minutes slows everything down.

Get used to this expression...it made me angry

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity: Nothing…not even a robot penis.

Previous Movie: 1408
Next Movie: Alien

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Fryin' Brian

2011-12-08T17:00:00.000-05:00

Haha, I really like this one. I love the old school prison outfit...do any prisoners actually wear the black and white striped outfits anymore? I also like the "x" over the eyes, another classic cartoon effect to signify death or dying. Poor Brian, it looks like he's really thrashing out here based on his hands. I guess they didn't let him shave before electrocuting him either. Best of all is that the plug is inches away from him and the poor fella's hands are bolted in.

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "1408"

2011-12-07T17:00:00.000-05:00

Where I bought this movie: Hollywood Video of Ronkonkoma. A classic four used movies for $30 deal. How could I turn that down?!?

* Why Own It?: I don’t remember this movie much in the theaters but it had gotten decent 2 and ½ star reviews. Plus, John Cusack in it as well as Samuel L. Jackson so it couldn’t have been THAT bad in my eyes. I was also drawn to the cover of the DVD box which shows a giant close up of John Cusack’s and Samuel Jackson's face staring at me.

* Had I seen this movie before?: First time viewing…breaking a streak of 5 or 6 movies in a row that I had already seen. It was nice seeing a fresh new movie.

* Time collecting dust: A little over 2 years.

* What I thought of the movie: Based on a Stephen King book, the movie tells the story of John Cusack’s character, Mike Enslin, who’s an author that goes around to haunted houses to see if they are really haunted. Needless to say he hears about room 1406 in a posh hotel in New York City and needs to check it out. It’s a pretty standard yet “no that bad” horror movie. What hurts it is a PG-13 rating (horror movies should NEVER be rated anything than an R…in fact it should a HARD R). Nonetheless it’s more about the atmosphere and set up of the movie story rather than the actually things that happen. The ending is pretty good too. I enjoyed the movie for what it was and am sure I’m going to see some much more terrible movies down the road as I continue this DVD journey.

"if this was rated R, the dead lady would have her top off"

And the cast: The cast is small. John Cusack is in almost every scene and by the second half of the movie it’s just him. Like Tom Hanks in Castaway, he does a lot of talking out loud, which I’m not sure I would do…but it needs to be done for the movie viewer I guess. Don't be fooled by the DVD cover, Samuel Jackson doesn’t have a big role here and he’s actually very calm. Mary McCormack plays Cusack’s wife but it’s a small role.

Favorite Scenes: 1.) John Cusack’s surfing accident (I just wanted to see what that looks like in writing) is more humorous than anything else. 2) The scene with Samuel L. Jackson talking to John Cusack setting up the entire movie (it’s the only scene SLJ is in I think). 3.) The last five minutes.

Recommended?: Ehhh, again, it’s not bad but I don’t think you’ll be running out to rent/buy it. If its on cable, I’d say check it out.

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity: None…not even a cleavage shot.

Previous Movie: 500 Days Of Summer
Next Movie: A.I (Artificial Intelligence)

Feel Good Friday Music Video

2011-12-02T14:00:00.001-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen...I give you the great Dan Hartman.

I hope your weekend is full of moving sidewalks.

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 18 - "Voices That Care" By THE MOST RANDOM ASSEMBLY OF PEOPLE ANYWHERE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

2011-12-01T17:00:00.002-05:00

Though not a high-tech gimmicky video by any means, this video is on the list just for the sheer randomness of the people involved in this video. It's like taking a snapshot of who was relevant back in 1991.

The background of this video was that the U.S. was in Kuwait and fighting with Iraq. It was the first sort of war since the Vietnam War ended 16 years before. Since music had been successful in the past for causes like local hunger ("Do They Know It's Christmastime") and Ethiopian world wide sized hunger ("We Are The World"), it was a no brainer to put together a song by a bunch of singers to raise awareness for our troops in the Middle East.

Before analyzing this video, let's take a look at the three MVP slots of the prior two charity songs:

"Do They Know It's Christmastime" - Bono, George Michael, Sting

"We Are The World" - Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder

"Voices That Care" - Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, Will Smith

As you can see, that's a huge dropoff. In fact, just about all of the singers (and random actors that appear at the end) are probably all B list celebrities at best these days. Let's take a look:

***This turned into a long breakdown...I recommend opening the video in another window to following along. Beleive me when I say the celebrity sightings come fast and furious...especially at the end.

0:00 - I'm not sure who this is...one of New Edition? Still, I love the transition over to Randy Travis.

0:17 - Ahhhh, a young Celine Dion. She was probably fresh from her Beauty and the Beast song and that "Where Does My Heart Beat Now" single. I still find it creepy that she married her manager who knew her since she was 13 and he was 40 at the time.

0:29 - One of my favorite voices of all time...Mr. Peter "Glory Of Love" Cetera. He actually co-wrote this song. Sadly, this would be one of the last relevant moments of his career though he lives on forever in weddings ("You're The Inspiration"), desperate men trying to salvage their relationships ("If You Leave Me Now"), and a photo montage of a couple about to get married ("Just You And Me"...I actually did this at my rehearsal dinner).

0:40 - It's Mr. Bobby Brown having a coke induced seizure singing next to what looks like the female half of Ashford and Simpson.

0:50 - The lead singer of Warrant? He died earlier this year I believe.

0:54 - Another deceased singer, the smooth silky voice of Luther Vandross. He gets a prime roll here singing the first chrous...good for him.

1:03 - In what seems like a dream sequence, you see Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson. Magic looks like he's wearing a priest outfit here.

1:07 - Now things are just getting weird...Ahmad Rashad, Dominque Wilkens, and somebody with a press badge appear. I hated Ahmad Rashad with a passion growing up. He seemed like a huge phony, licked Michael Jordan's asshole sucking up to him all the time, and he was married to Mrs. Huxtable from "The Cosby Show".

1:10 - A blink and you'll miss it cameo from David Robinson aka "The Admiral"...what a dumb nickname.

1:24 - A young Garth Brooks. What's happened to him this century? He would seem prime for a comeback if he wanted to...I used to hate him a lot too growing up. "Friends In Low Places" used to piss me off for some reason. Anyway, I have no idea who he's singing with here.

1:36 - The sound of two angels farting...Nelson.

1:48 - One of the greatest "OHHHHs" of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, the immortal Michael Bolton. I think every year for the past ten years, I find another song of his that I didn't know was him and end up buying it. "How Can We Be Lovers" and "I'm Back On My Feet Again" are two underrated classics...trust me.

2:05 - Bringing the 1950's and the 1990's together...Little Richard.

2:08 - Fah shnizzle, its Will Smith...hot off of "Parents Just Don't Understand" and "Nightmare On My Street"? Love the little rap here. That's a hot jacket he's wearing too.

2:36 - In an ode to his classic video "Money For Nothing" with the weird color streams, here's Mark Knopfler drawing the short straw to do the guitar solo for this song. I'm not sure who's the guy next to him in the purple golf vest.

2:43 - More coked up Bobby Brown and the Warrant guy gets some more face time, though he's sort of mimicing Tom Petty's late 80's look with the cowboy hat, sunglasses, and pale complexion.

3:00 - This just about seals the deal that this is from the 90's. Kenny G, the lord of the clarisaxophone.

3:07 - Time for the all star celebrity choir to arrive. Kenny Rogers, Whoopi Goldberg, Chevy Chase, a serious looking Kurt Russel, William Shatner, Mike Tyson (WTF!), James Woods, Meryl Streep, Brian Bosworth, Wayne Gretzky (in black in white), Ted Danson....

3:25 - Oh Celine...we know you pandered for the big spot in this song. Your husband/grandfather strongarmed somebody into this. Then again, I have to admit that your voice is BY FAR the best one on this record.

3:30 - Things start to get really crazy now with cameos. Let's blow through the ones not mentioned yet really quick and include a snarky comment on each one.

3:35 - Richard Gere (gerbil?)
3:41 - Billy Crystal (with bad beard)
3:43 - Alyssa Milano (pre boob job?...can't tell)
3:44 - Sally Field (her agent said "if Chevy Chase is in this video, then god damn it, I will be in it too!"
3:45 - Fred Savage (who gives Alyssa Milano a nice look down)
3:49 - Downtown Julie Brown (who gets trashed by her peers in the new MTV Biography)
3:50 - Dudley Moore! (loved this guy in the Father/Son body switch movie with Kirk Cameron)3:56 - Jon Lovitz (Never mind Chevy Chase, it was Jon Lovitz who Sally Field said that if he was in this video, she can be in it too.)
3:59 - Sissy Spacek ("Its all for YOU Carrie...its all for YOU")
4:05 - Harry Hamlin (star of one of Cinemax's greatest erotic thrillers, "Save Me"...trust me, watch this movie)
4:08 - Marilu Henner (her memory would allow her to know exactly how many takes it took Bobby Brown to get his part right).
4:10 - Orel Hershiser (greatest first name ever).
4:12 - Henry Winkler (aka The Fonz)
4:16 - Kevin Costner (with the greatest shit eating grin)
4:18 - Michelle Pfieffer (I always thought her last name was pronounced 'pah-fife-her")
4:23 - Brooke Shields (how many chances did sher have in her career)
4:29 - Lindsey Wagner (the $6,000,000 woman)
4:33 - Debbie Gibson (I'd be very nervous if I was her standing next to Mike Tyson...)

4:41 - One of music history's greatest mysteries...who the heck is this guy? Wikipedia says his name is "Warren Wiebe" and that he was a career backup vocalist. Regardless, to get the final vocal spot in a HUGE charity song, something had be going down behind the scenes.

4:56 - My favorite cameo. Its the guy with the blond sort of crew cut and thick glasses...I don't
know his name but he was in the movie "Total Recall" playing one of the bad guys who chases after Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's prominently featured in the scene with the three breasted stripper.

5:00 - Ugh, Don King...he shoehorns himself into everything.

5:02 - KENNY! Why didn't they let you sing a line like they did in "We Are The World"?

GOOD LORD!!! I think this is greatest video in terms of having a snapshot of pop culture in a certain time EVER. I mean, someone should put the last two minutes of this video into a time capsule to be opened in a 100 years to see how terribly awesome the late 80's early 90's were.

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Jay Decay

2011-11-30T17:00:00.001-05:00

This week's Garbage Pail Kid is a rotting little fella, "Jay Decay".

Like a good/bad slasher film from the 1980's, our little undead friend here rises from the grave. I like the missing eyeball and the fact that part of his jaw is exposed. His hair is surprisingly intact too. There's not too much else going on here other than a very bright moon.

Oh well, here's to you Jay Decay.

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "500 Days Of Summer"

2011-11-28T16:32:00.006-05:00

Where I bought this movie: The last gasp of my used movie buying before reality set in and I realized I should be saving discretionary income for things like retirement and not movies that I will ever see unless I start a blog about trying to watch every single DVD in my collection.

* Why Own It?: 500 Days Of Summer was a critics darling in the summer of 2009. Since my wife and I have WILDLY different tastes in movies (“Darling how about we watch Alien Resurrection tonight?...no? wha? You want to watch “The Holiday” again???”….these are why Man Caves are vital in every household), it was a rare opportunity to watch a movie together.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Once, in the winter of 2009 when it first came out in the above mentioned scenario. I will tell you, I had to pull my own teeth to watch it again. Not because it’s a bad movie (I love it actually) but mainly because it’s a hard movie to watch by yourself.

* Time collecting dust: One of my more recent purchases…about 22 months.

* What I thought of the movie: I can’t recommend this movie enough. A perfect date movie that has a lot of great situations that both guys and girls can relate to. What makes the movie though is how it’s constructed. It’s literally about a 500 day relationship and it skips around different days in that relationship. So in one scene, you’re seeing two people falling in love and in the next, they’re at the relationship’s bitter end, then they're back in love again. Who really remembers past relationships in chronological order anyway? Usually its either good or bad memories at certain points in the relationship. There’s also clever editing tricks and film making ideas I had never seen before that were really neat.

And the cast: The cast is really just two people…Zooey Deschanel (of the new TV Show “New Girl”) and Joseph Gordon Levitt (who I couldn’t stand in “3rd Rock Of The Sun” when he was a kid but who I loved in this movie, “Inception”, and of course “G.I. Joe”. Other than that, there are really no familiar names though the little sister of Gordon-Levitt’s character is sort of a semi-rising star in movies like “Kick-Ass” and “Let Me In”. Other than that, its character actor city...unless you count a random appearance by the great Han Solo.

Recommended?: Yes, a must see…but again, see it with someone you love…or at someone who’s pants you want to get into.

Favorite Scenes: There are a lot of good ones. A few that stand out are 1.) The “You Make My Dreams” montage where everyone is dancing through Central Park (trust me, its not ax corny as it reads). 2.) The similar yet very different montages between the two characters and the little things they do to show they are, at first falling in love, and later can’t stand each other. 3.) My favorite scene has to be the one where the guy goes to the party to try and get the girl back. It’s shown via split screen and on the left you see what he expects to happen and on the right side you see what actually happens…one of my favorite scenes of the past few years, just brilliant.

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity: Sadly none...not even a Zooey sideboob.

Previous Movie: 40 Year Old Virgin
Next Movie: A.I (Artificial Intelligence)

Birthdays...

2011-11-21T17:00:00.001-05:00

Ah yes, the birthday. Today, I turn 34 years old and each birthday I have seems to matter less and less. However, each birthday my friends and family have seem to matter more and more. Anyway, here’s how I consider the various emotions as birthdays continue to pass by:

Birth – 4 years old: Nobody remembers their birthdays at this age yet these are the birthdays where you get the greatest amounts of toys...and yet all of them are rendered obsolete by the time you’re 5 or 6. I mean, does a 6 year old play with a stuffed animal, a random Bob The Builder Truck, or a Dora The Explorer Coloring Book?

5 years old – 12 years old: The peak of toy gluttony. As a child’s ADD increases throughout childhood, so does the need to get “the hot toy of the moment”. This age is important because kids can now verbalize the gifts they want for their birthday and see it has a free handout from Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Ned and Aunt Ellen. Kids from your class that you never will be friends with past grade school are obligated to bring a gift if invited to your lame ass roller skating party (almost like a wedding!!!).

A smart 10 year old would say, “In lieu of getting me the new Madden game, how about a $50 contribution to a 529 plan for my large college debt I’m going to have when I’m 22 years old?”

13 years old – 16 years old – The best gift at this age is just cold hard cash.

17 years old – I WANT A CAR!!!

18 years old – 20 years old: With most people in college at this age things start to happen. Cash is still king but the checks you used to get from various relatives may dwindle due to indifference by said relative or sadly the death of the relative. Therefore it becomes most important to maximize the gifts you get.

21 years old: GOOD GOD I AM AN ADULT!!! LET’S GO TO THE LOCAL BAR AND DO 21 SHOTS OF JAEGER!!!

22 years old - 24 years old: These are the most fun birthdays in that the early 20’s are usually the best time of your life in terms of partying and solidifying your lifelong friend base. By this point gifts are usually in the form of a card or a bottle of liquor.

25 years old: Car insurance rates drop for most people this age (YAAAAY!!!) but you begin to have your first quarter-life crisis (WHERE ARE MY MEDS?!?).

26 years old – 29 years old: Things begin to change here. Birthdays now might be spent with your recently married friends who like to be in bed by 11pm but mixed in with your single friends who can still party until 4am. You begin to see the separation from the adult to the young adult.

30 years old: The biggest birthday since turning 21 if only because 30 starts to feel old. From a professional standpoint though, getting into your 30’s means you have something of a career going and hopefully a halfway decent resume.

31 years old to 39 years old: More low key birthdays with friends…maybe a night of bowling or karaoke. The prime of your life.

40 years old: “Life Begins at 40”…right? Probably the last big blowout birthday with friends where you can really push it and party until 2am…that is, assuming you have a babysitter for your kids.

41 years old – 49 years old – Birthdays here are reduced to a night out with one, maybe two couples. Physical ailments may seem to set in…the achy back, the creaky knee, and the old “where did THAT hair come from? That doesn’t belong there!”

50 years old: - Ah yes, the big family gathering. Chances are the kids are almost grown up and it’s always good to have that good old fashioned family dinner. Often a surprise, though with most surprises today, they are not easy to pull off in today’s high tech world.

51 years old – 59 years old: Any birthday beyond this point probably aren’t too much fun and it’s always exacerbated by that wise guy friend who sends you the “another year older? Uh-oh!” birthday card.

59 and half years old: An interesting age in that while this is no party, all of your retirement assets are free to take out without any penalties…this is a good thing.

60 years old: A tender birthday. Once again the family gets together. Maybe Jimmy flies in from Oregon as a surprise or Sally drives all the way up from North Carolina to make sure she doesn’t miss the big day. Gifts are now bought at the “Things Remembered” store and often involve framed pictures.

61 years old – 69 years old: This is where the wheels begin to fall off healthwise although chances are you are retired and if lucky, have a ton of time and money to travel the world and do all of those things you wished you could do in your 20’s (no money) and 30’s and 40’s (damn job….damn kids). Birthdays are now just relegated to going out with the spouse, any local family members, and another couple.

70 years old: AKA the big family reunion birthday. Now you not only have your kids, but your grandkids too. A potential gift is a cruise with other seniors.

71 years old – 79 years old: More health problems persist and sadly your friends begin to pass one. Each birthday is just another year towards joining them. But at least Chili’s gives you a free birthday appetizer if you show them your drivers license.

80 years old: A birthday to reflect. Usually held quietly at a function hall. Here, you usually invite not just family, but any surviving friends. Enjoy your night, as it may be the last time you see all of these people in one room together again…at least until your funeral.

81 Years old to 89 years old: Enjoying the sunset years the best you can. More friends pass away as your go to more funerals than birthday parties. You recognize more names from the obituary section. A nice time to reflect and if one wishes to, write their memoirs to leave as a legacy.

90 years old: The last hurrah. Now you might have four generations of family members surrounding you…IN YOUR ASSISTED LIVING RESIDENCE.

91 years old to 99 years old: Now you’re just taking it day by day and each birthday is a wonder to your family. A birthday present is now in the form of phone call as you listen to Cats In The Cradle one hundred times a day and gently weep.

100 years old: Willard Scott puts your picture up on the Today Show and your life is now totally complete.

Or is it...

Feel Good Friday Music Video

2011-11-18T15:00:00.002-05:00

Here's a classic from the 1970's to push you off into the weekend...

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "The 40 Year Old Virgin"

2011-11-18T14:00:00.000-05:00

Where I bought this movie: Good old Hollywood Video in Ronkonkoma during one of their 4 for $30 used DVD deals.

* Why Own It?: The 40 Year Old Virgin was one of the biggest comedies during the summer of 2005. Therefore I said to myself, “WELL THEN, I MUST OWN THAT MOVIE”. The promos listed it as a raunchy comedy for adults and that was like throwing chum to a fish…I was hooked.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Once before, on DVD when it came out in 2006 but I’ve seen bits and pieces of this movie on cable over the years.

* Time collecting dust: 4 years since I’ve last touched it.

* What I thought of the movie: Definitely one of the funniest movies made in the past 20 years. I had forgotten a lot of the funny parts and throwaway lines. Its a smart comedy with a great story that guys and girls can relate to. Dare I call this, a “male chick flick”? To bring a slightly far fetched situation (literally a man who is a 40 year old virgin) to the big screen and make it somewhat believable is impressive. Steve Carelll’s Andy character is definitely childlike in many ways but he’s a pretty smart guy as well. I also love how all of the main characters work in a Best Buy type place.

And the cast: The cast is full of very funny famous people but at the time, none of them were as famous as they are today. Steve Carell was probably the biggest name and Paul Rudd had been in a few big movies like Clueless but Jane Lynch, Seth Rogan, Elizabeth Banks, and Leslie Mann hadn’t really become household names just yet. Also look out for a young Kat Dennings and her rack as the daughter of Andy’s girlfriend who would go on to star in one of TV’s worst comedies today, “Two Broke Girls”. Even Jonah Hill pops up in one of his first movie appearances.

Recommended?: Absolutely, but this is a movie made even better having a couple of drinks and watching it with a friends…or with a 40 year old virgin I guess.

Favorite Scenes: There are a lot…The Michael McDonald video constantly playing in the store, The Speed Dating scene, Andy getting thrown up on by a drunken Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd’s “I’M LEAVING THE BOX OF PORN ON YOUR FRONT DOORSTEP NOW!!!” scene, almost every line Seth Rogan says, Jane Lynch sexually harassing all of her employees, the scene in the book store where Andy answers Beth’s questions with questions to pick her up, and of course the chest hair ripping scene. There are too many more to mention.

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity: Lots of flashes here and there but nothing too titillating. Sadly Elizabeth Banks does not get nude. There’s a funny scene with the adult film star Stormy using Andy’s voice to talk dirty to him. I love the girl in the speed dating scene, when her boob falls out while she’s talking to Andy.

Previous Movie: 28 Weeks Later
Next Movie: 500 Days Of Summer

Classic 1980's Cartoons - Inhumanoids

2011-11-17T17:00:00.001-05:00

This is a pretty obscure cartoon from the mid 80's. I don't remember what it was exactly about but the basic plot revolved around these soldiers that wore strange suits and fought these underworld creatures. Oh, and it also featured some of the SCARIEST DEMENTED cartoon villains and animation that I can recall growing up.

First, there's the intro that features no less that sixty cuts in a thirty second spot. I think I had a seizure watching this and its no wonder I have some form of ADD watching this 25 years ago. I love the catchy theme song "Inhumanoids, inhumanoids...the evil that lies within". Great vocal harmonies on the word "within" by the way.

There were three main bad guys. The leader of the bad guys was "Metlar" (I had to look that one up). He sort of looks like Jabba The Hut's right hand creature from Return Of The Jedi, the one with the annoying laugh, crossed with...Jabba The Hut. Metlar was by far the least scary villain but then again, take a look at this commercial for his toy.

First off, I love the reaction of the little kid around the 15 second mark...nothing like a little wind machine. Most of all, do you see how HUGE the Metlar toy is? Take a look at the 19 second mark...that little kid is struggling to yank the nearly 2 foot toy out of a bed of rocks!

Next was Tendril. He looked like a giant weed that mated with the Brundle Fly and had a huge 1970's porno mustache. Let's take a look...

Good Lord!!! That has to be the scariest looking toy. Just freeze frame the 22 second mark and you will be visited by Tendril in your dreams for the next few weeks.

But Tendril wasn't the scariest character of them all...nope, that had to be the creature called D'Compose (I'm not sure if he was French). He was some sort of vampire as you'll see below. Without looking at any of the clips found on Youtube, I have never forgotten him screaming "DEEEE-COMMMM-POOOOOSE!!!" in a shrill voice. This pretty much sums up he and the show in a nutshell.

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!? This show was made for 10 year olds? That transformation was INSANE. I look back on this show now and its pretty cool but I'm not sure what cartoon executives were thinking back in 1986. Cocaine must be awesome.

I am going to hunt this show down on DVD now...

GAHHHH!!!

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Art Apart

2011-11-16T17:00:00.000-05:00

This week's Garbage Pail Kid of the week is "Art Apart". Now, I don't know anybody under the age of 50 named Art or even Arthur but since Art rhymes with a lot of words, it makes perfect sense.

Anyway, Art appears that he was torn apart by the family cat or maybe a parent who became enrages by their child's obsession with Cabbage Patch Kids (and beleive me, kids were INSANE over them in the mid 80's....well at the least the kids I went to Catholic School with were).

Thankfully Art's head remains attached to his body but he cruelly must stare at his severed arms and legs for all eternity. Strangely enough, Art was stripped naked before being ripped apart...maybe that explains the smile on his face?

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "28 Weeks Later"

2011-11-15T18:45:00.005-05:00

* Where I bought this movie: R.I.P Hollywood Video. I’ve probably bought more movies here than other store, other than the Tower Records in Boston. Hollywood Video had these great deals where you could by four used newly released DVD for anywhere between $20-$30.

* Why Own It?: I really liked 28 Days later so why not take a chance on the sequel? It also featured more crazy blood drooling zombies. Though we live in a sort of zombie saturated media today (Zombieland, The Walking Dead, Twilight?), it was still pretty refreshing and innovative back in 2007.

* Had I seen this movie before?: I had seen this movie once before living in Bohemia, NY…around 2007. So this was a rare second watching.

* Time collecting dust: 4 years since I’ve last touched it.

* What I thought of the movie: A very good sequel. Much faster and bloodier than 28 Hours later. The cast was largely unknown but that’s what makes it good since you don’t invest in any characters with star power. What started as one type of movie veered off into another about 40 minutes in. The movie is actually one of the more depressing ones if you take a step back and take in what you just watched.

And the cast: Though mainly unknowns as the time, the cast does feature one of the first roles for Jeremy Renner, the guy from Hurt Locker and The Town. It also stars Rose Byrne who might be better known for her roles in the TV show Damages and the movie “Bridesmaids”. Other than that, its pretty much a bunch of character actors.

Recommended? Yes, but you should watch the two movies back to back. Be prepared for some blood and gore though.

Favorite Scenes: Hmmm…I’d have to choose between the awesome sniper sequence (talk about a real life video game), the pitch black scene in the subway tunnel, and the romantic reunion between the husband and wife in this movie. You’ll see what I mean…Oh and seeing Jeremy Renner get lit up by torch is pretty wild too.

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity: A possible bare zombie breast but nothing titillating by any means. The teenage daughter is pretty hot but she has crazy eyes.

Previous Movie: 28 Days Later
Next Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 19 - "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head

2011-11-15T17:30:00.000-05:00

Head...Murray Head. What a perfect name. If I ever get a dog I might just name it Murray Head. Anyway, Murray Head (I can't just call him Murray or even just Head...he's Murray Head) was responsible for one of the strangest topics you could cover with music...chess.

Yes...this song...its about chess. The name of the album this song was on was called "Chess". That's pretty much it. The lyrics tell a tell of a guy who travels to Bangkok, not for the strippers or prostitutes. He goes there to play chess. He also thinks he's better than anybody else. Anyway, here's the video. Follow along...

Beginng

0:16 - 0:29: In what must have been mind blowing special effects at the time (1982 I believe) you see a chess board right out of an Atari game slowly morph in a single square which then fades into a young woman's eye.

I have to say quickly here that you MUST seek out the extended intro to this song. It has an orchestral score that Yanni has made a career out of imitating. You hear the very last part of it in the beginning of the video here but it actually lasts over two minutes. An NBA team should get a hold of this, it would make excellent introduction music...that's if there's going to be an NBA season.

0:37 - 0:53: Say hello to Murray Head and what looks like a dozen smoke machines and a ladder to nowhere. Did I say how awesome that intro is?

0:54 - 1:10: Murray gives you a little tour of his home ending in a giant room featuring a huge chess board as a floor. This is the only song you'll ever hear a song lyric featuing the words "Yul Brenner". I love the synthesizer in this song too.

1:11 - Michael Jackson must have taken notes because the floor lighting into a chess board looks like a very similar idea used in "Billie Jean" one year later.

1:22 - 1:27: Not sure who directed this video but I do like the filming through the chess pieces here.

1:28 - 1:38: I must say that Bangkok is well diversified. You have a white guy, an Indian woman, a black guy/girl (can't tell), an asian guy, and maybe a spanish woman? Nice "jazz hands" here.

1:42 - I love this part of the song...especially the "whatdya mean" part at 1:51. Lots of special effects going on here that could probably be redone by an 8th grader with a Mac today in his computer class.

2:05 - 2:09: A line I will now incorporate into my regular jargon..."I get my kicks ABOVE the waistline Sunshine". I can't wait to use it the next time I am propositioned by a stripper or hooker.

2:10 - 2:17 : Murray talks as two boxers reenact any fight scene from Rocky 3 and 4. I love how the guy on the right falls at the 2:17 mark. Good Lord, that's some terrible acting.

2:34 - 2:52: I would love a chess expert to chime in and let me know if the moves he's making during the game against the cute lady make any sense.

2:56 - 3:10: After talking about "cerebral fitness" and "reclining footers", Murray appears on a huge TV screen overlooking a chess board with people dancing on it. Cocaine must have been AWESOME in the 1980's.

3:16 - 3:20: I love the facial tics here. "Yah Masssahhge Pahhhlahrs"

3:21 - 3:36: My favorite part of any 80's video...the group dance sequence!!! I'm not sure what they're trying to do here but I love the random hand and arm movements.

3:36 - 4:03 : Murray joins the dancing by appearing from somewhere underneath the chess board floor. He sort of just stands there at first but then struts his way across the board as people go crazy dancing around him.

4:04 - I love that final look.

Until next time...

Bad Shellfish

2011-10-14T16:09:00.003-04:00

I had some bad tuna last night and this is pretty much what happened...I didn't get a smile at the end though.

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Day - "Drunk Ken"

2011-10-05T17:00:00.000-04:00

Hmmmm...showing someone completely blitzed out of his mind is probably not a good idea to show the 7 to 10 year old target market the Garbage Pail Kids were going after. He almost looks like Bob Hoskins character from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" which came out around the same time as these cards.

Regardless, it looks like Ken is having a blast. Not only is he surrounded by a blue rabbit and pink elephant but a snake right out of the game Q-Bert is there too. Is that the planet Saturn as well?

The History of Movies from A to Z - "28 Days Later"

2011-10-04T22:00:00.004-04:00

• Where I bought this movie: I ordered this movie from Amazon.com back in 2003 when I lived in Bayside, Queens and was at the peak of my DVD hoarding.

* Why Own It?: I had heard nothing but great things about this movie when it came out. Directed by “Trainspotting” director Danny Boyle (who’d later go onto Oscar glory with “Slumdog Millionnaire”) and starring Cillian Murphy, who has the coolest eyes. Oh, AND IT FEATURES FRIGGIN ZOMBIES THAT BITE PEOPLE AND PUKE BLOOD.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Once…by myself…at night…not a good idea.

* Time collecting dust: 7 years since I’ve last touched it. It shouldn't be another 7 years again.

* What I thought of the movie: An excellent and smart horror film and highly recommended. I’ve seen the “virus gets loose…many people die in an icky way” type movies before but this one is done very well. What’s amazing is the scenery featuring the city of London and the England countryside. They somehow made it possible to film London completely deserted. There’s also some crunching violence too.

* The Cast: Cillian Murphy was the best known actor (he was the Scarecrow in “Batman Begins” and the bad guy in the slightly underrated thriller “Red Eye”). Everyone else is pretty much unknown except for two of those “hey it’s that guy!”…1.) the guy who played Destro in the childhood destroying live action movie “GI Joe” and 2.) The guy who play Jack Nicholson’s right hand man in “The Departed” (he gets shot in the car by the cops at the end).

Favorite Scene: It’s towards the beginning…when Cillian Murphy’s character wakes up from a coma and slowly realizes the entire city of London is completely deserted.

Previous Movie: 25th Hour
Next Movie: 28 Weeks Later

Hidden Gem

2011-09-29T14:51:00.005-04:00

I really like this song. From the classic AM radio era.

The chorus will be in my head all weekend now.

"Loooooooove takes time...and its haaaaaaaaard to find....you gotta taaaaaaaaake some time".

If you take the singer out of the equation, it sounds like a bad 1980's TV theme song.

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 20 - "Big Love" by Fleetwood Mac

2011-09-27T17:00:00.000-04:00

I became a HUGE fan of Fleetwood Mac while I was in college. Though I had known most of their radio friendly songs, I never really got into Stevie Nicks and that whole California sound they and the Eagles had going. Then, I watched "The Dance", their 1997 reunion program they did for MTV. For some reason, their guitar player Lindsey Buckingham just blew me away. He played without a pick, had a great growly voice, was sort of eccentric, and played the shit out of a guitar.

It was his solo acoustic performance of the song he wrote for Fleetwood Mac, "Big Love", that really sucked me in. I had forgotten about the original version of the song and tracked down the video for the 1987 original version. It's a very cool video just for the final 30 seconds alone but has lots of just strange parts along the way. Two words describe this video..."cocaine" and "cocaine". Let's take a look.

0:00 - We open with a pull back shot of a nice looking mansion. Hey, there's Mick Fleetwood, playing the drums. Too bad its a drum machine that's playing on the recorded version of this song....but you have to Mick in somewhere right?

0:13 - John McVie and Christine McVie...former married couple. I like how she tortures him by keeping his name even thought they've been divorced over 30 years now.

0:16 - Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks. Stevie was in the throws of cocaine addiction at the time as well as being addicted to food since she was starting to put on some weight. I love Lindsey's flattop haircut he was sporting around this time.

0:21 - So the front of the house pulls back into a shot of Lindsey singing in a window. Lindsey is probably one of the worst lip synchers ever, I'm sad to say.

0:28 - Another Lindsey appears singing. You can sort of see how bad the green screen is in this video.

0:35 - This is a cool shot...you see the band members being introduced one by one. I always liked how Lindsey got into it while playing.

0:44 - Two things I like about the band shot. Stevie Nicks just fluffing her skirt and Mick Fleetwood miming his playing to a drum machine.

0:51 - A loooooooong hallway shot of Lindsey standing very awkwardly in front of model....hey there's Mick and Stevie again!

1:06 - More of Lindsey rocking out...and by rocking out I mean literally rocking back and forth again. I tried to imitate his playing style while playing the trumpet at Boston College but was called out on this by the band director immediate. I felt like I was on cocaine while doing it (though I never tried it...Mom and Dad were good influences on me).

1:25 - Dancing was not Lindsey's strongpoint.

1:40 - Another cool shot of the band...this time by the beach. This video is all over the place.

1:49 - 1980's special effects at their best.

2:03 - More bad lip syncing and an extra head nod for effect.

2:19 - I LOVE these group shots.

2:26 - Its like the scary hallway from the movie "The Shining" has been taken over the guitar playing goblin of Lindsey Buckingham. I don't know guitar that well but his finger moving is creepy and distracting.

2:40 - This exactly how I took my wife to bed on our wedding night.

2:50 - An interesting crane shot of the house again with the band members scattered around the yard. Poor Stevie is still fluffing that skirt of hers.

3:07 - OK so this is the reason why this video got on this list. The last 30 seconds of the video is the video being run in reverse but you throw in a few shots of a terrible special effect of Lindsey and that model going "oh" "ah" to each other...before it all ending on the foyer with close up freeze frame Lindsey.

Now that is how you end a video!

Bonus video...the video that started my Fleetwood Mac fandom. Lindsey playing "Big Love" on acoustic guitar from 1997's "The Dance". One of the best guitar performances you'll see....trust me.

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "25th Hour"

2011-09-26T17:00:00.001-04:00

• Where I bought this movie: I ordered this movie from Amazon.com back in 2003 when I lived in Bayside, Queens and was at the peak of my DVD hoarding.

* Why Own It?: I can’t really tell you why I ordered this movie because I’m not a fan of Spike Lee movies. However, Edward Norton was at the peak of his acting powers and the movie was the first to deal with 9/11 showing shots of Ground Zero and the raw emotions around NYC at the time. I guess that intrigued me enough to buy it to watch it on a rainy day.

* Had I seen this movie before?: That rainy day came two years later in 2005 when I first attempted to watch every DVD I owned...but I hadn’t seen it since.

* Time collecting dust: 6 years since I’ve last touched it.

* What I thought of the movie: This has become one of my more favorite movies if mainly because of the awesome cast and a very interesting story. If you had one day left before you went to prison, what would you do? What kind of thoughts would go through your head? There aren’t too many scenes but the movie is effective in setting up the suspense of if Ed Norton’s character might make a run for it.

And the cast…one of the better casts you’ll find in a movie with a good mix of established actors at the time and some solid up and comers: Ed Norton, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Barry Pepper, Anna Paquin, Rosario Dawson, Brian Cox, and oddly enough, former football player and FOX NFL broadcaster Tony Siragusa.

I highly recommend this movie. It’s why I subconsciously bought it (hearing it was great). I still dislike Spike Lee but I don’t hate him any more. Ed Norton is the man in this movie.

Favorite Scene: There’s a lot of them but it’s a tie between the club scene (any scene with the song "White Lines" in the background is a keeper for me) and the last 5 minutes.

Previous Movie: 16 Blocks
Next Movie: 28 Days Later

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 21 - "Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison

2011-09-19T16:30:00.000-04:00

When the Beatles met the 1980's...

This video was great for the 10 year old kid like I was when this came out (back in 1987). At the time, I loved whatever pop music was on the radio. I hadn't gotten into bands or buying cassette tapes yet (though I did get Hall and Oates "Big Bam Boom" and Huey Lewis and The News "Fore" as Christmas presents in the years prior). I certainly hadn't heard of the Beatles and this song, along with Paul McCartney's "Say Say Say" were my first exposure to Beatles music of any kind.

Anyway, up pops this video featuring an old guy in a grey sweater just sitting in a chair strumming his guitar in what looks like an old cabin somewhere. Little did I know at the time that this was George Harrison, a member of the Beatles, and he was having his first major hit in quite some time. To the 10 year old me, it was an old crazy man sitting in his house as wild things were going on around him. Let's take a look...

0:00-0:08 - This has to be one of my favorite drumbeats. It's very similar to the beginning of the band White Lion's version of the "Transformers Theme Song" from Transformers The Movie. There's a nugget for you the next time you're at a cocktail party.

0:18-0:28 - Ah yes, the immortal George Harrison...I like his look here. He reminds me of a the disheveled wacky uncle that everyone has. That sweater looks to be very worn too.

0:32-0:50 This is where things start to happen in the room...first the clock, then the swords, then some kind of statue behind George, and then the book.

1:02-1:05 Love this guy...that little Cockatoo can work it. Though I'm sure someone was behind the cage prodding him with something dangerous to make him move like that.

1:21-1:29 - Another of my favorites...love that moose and warthog. Someone must have watched this video and said "hey, let's make a restaurant off the concept of this video" and a few years later the first Rain Forest Cafe opened up.

1:32 - Not sure if George knew he was about to get blasted by pieces of paper but I like the raised eyebrow he gives here.

1:56-2:13 As a kid, this amazed me that a man that old could dance and flip around like this....but if you look closely (or really not closely at all) its a stunt double that looks like Bob Geldof.

2:29 - 2:32 - Not sure who George is looking at off camera here but it looks like he's trying to hold back a laugh.

2:40 - Have give some props to the special effects here in a pre-CGI era. Though its pretty straightforward, its neat that they had so many things moving around.

3:12 - My favorite sequence...again, I love the moose and warthog and then you get that squirrel to just blow on that peace pipe.

3:35 - Yeesh, that was a little frightening to me. I never did like bear-skinned rugs.

This whole video probably inspired Pee Wee's Playhouse...

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "16 Blocks"

2011-09-16T16:25:00.003-04:00

From "12 Monkeys" we go to "16 Blocks"...

* Where I bought this movie: I picked up this movie back in 2008 from a Blockbuster Video when they would do their "4 movies for $30" sale. Talk about a great deal. I picked up most of my mediocre movies this way.

* Why Own It?: I think this was one of those impulse buys. I probably had three movies I really wanted to own but needed a 4th to complete the deal. This was that kind of movie to me.

* Had I seen this movie before?: No...I had it once out to watch with my wife around a year ago but we went with a terrible Kate Hudson movie instead I'm sure.

* Time collecting dust: 3 years though really only a year since I had planned to watch it a year ago...damn you Kate Hudson.

* What I thought of the movie: I'll admit, this is a pretty good movie. It stars Bruce Willis (back to back movies oddly enough) as a down on his luck cop trying to get a felon from a prison to a court house for his hearing. It's 16 blocks away, hence the name, but those 16 blocks might be miles because it takes forever for Bruce Willis to get him there. Bruce plays a similar type role as he did in "12 Monkeys" in that he looks so damn depressed in this movie. He pulls that emotion off well though.

The convict is played by actor/rapper Mos Def which probably is the worst name I've ever heard. Def is charming in his role though and I started to root for the guy at the end. In another rare back to back movie viewing experience, David Morse pops up in this movie playing a bad cop. Pretty satisfying ending on this typical predictable kind of movie.

Highly recommended if it pops up on cable one day. I'm glad I finally got to see this movie.

The Greatest Drum Fill In Music History...

2011-09-16T16:18:00.003-04:00

...happens at the 4:35-4:37 mark.

I mean you have this great buildup from 4:20-4:35 and that's the best the drummer could come up with? "Tat-Tat"? You even get a quick shot of him doing it too.

No wonder thrash metal began right around the same time as this song.

The History Of Movies from A - Z - "12 Monkeys"

2011-09-14T17:00:00.000-04:00

This will hopefully be the start of another running series...

From 1997-2009 I was a major movie junkie. My roommate at Boston College was the first to get a DVD player back in 1997 (paid $600 for it) and the first movie he bought was "The Professional". We must have watched that movie one hundred times. Anyway, not so far away from where I lived was a Tower Records...you know...an old school record store that sold CD's and DVD's (and magazines too!). Anyway, once I got a taste of good looking picture quality, crisp audio, and the ability to build your own movie collection, I was hooked. Over the course of the next 12 years, I amassed a DVD collection that is probably close to 1,000. A lot of it was buying new DVD's but over the past 6 years or so its been buying used DVD from either Amazon.com or video stores like Blockbuster.

Here's the problem...I have so many movies, I don't know what to do with them. Most of them, I've never even seen. My wife brings it up every now and then to me that I have a custom shelved closet for the DVD's and all they do is collect dust. So I came to conclusion that I am going to watch EVERY SINGLE DVD starting with the beginning of the alphabet. I don't care how long it takes or how bad the movie is...I am going to spend the 2 hours and watch every damn movie.

I actually tried doing this back in 2003 and made it pretty far (the letter "G") but I've since bought another couple of hundred movies so I'm going to restart the process.

My reviews will be different. First they will be short. There will be five pieces of info given. 1.) When, where and how I bought this movie.; 2.) Why did I find this movie desirable to own.; 3.) Had I even seen this movie before; 4.) How long had it been collecting dust on my shelf before watching it.; 5.) What I actually thought of the movie.

Since I have some movies that begin with numbers, I decided to start there....first up "12 Monkeys"

* Where I bought this movie: I picked up this movie back in 2009 when the Hollywood Video near me when out of business. They had a fire sale on all of their pre-owned movies and I picked this up for a cool $2. It's probably the dirtiest DVD I own in terms of several stainson it and the box is slightly torn.

* Why Own It?: Well, it starred Brad Pitt and Bruce Willis for one. It was in the golden sci-fi era of the late 90's. Plus Brad Pitt got an Oscar nomination for playing a crazy person. It also was directed by Terry Gilliam who at the time was very good at making movies that liked to scramble your brain. It seemed to be a cult favorite too so that intrigued me.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Nope...the very first movie sitting in my collection for the last two years and I haven't picked it up once to watch.

* Time collecting dust: 2 years

* What I thought of the movie: I liked it...a little confusing at times and sadly the ending was a little predictable once you pull all of the pieces together. Time travel movies can be fun if pulled off right. I love the character actor David Morse so it was cool to see him in an early role as a bad guy (he played a cop in 90% of the movies he was in). All in all, I was impressed. A good "transition" movie for Bruce Willis as he started going away from action star to more of an actor.

Bruce Springsteen Workout Video

2011-08-02T16:27:00.003-04:00

Happy August all. I will finish the top 30 video countdown sooner than later. Updating this website is like me going to the gym...I'll do it for two weeks straight and then take two months off.

Anyway, this video recently hit the Internet. It's an alternate video of Bruce Springsteen's video "Dancing In The Dark". The original version of this video is a little goofy in itself with Bruce's flailing arm movements but at least he has the band around him doing the same thing. In this video, its just him except for the very end where Clarence Clemmons appears playing his solo in an odd red suit. There are three takes so you get to see Bruce try and outdo his terrible dancing in each one.

Anyway, it reminds me of an old workout video so perhaps I can kill two birds with one stone by updating the website while doing the Bruce Springsteen herky jerky dance moves.

Happy 4th Of July!

2011-07-01T10:00:00.000-04:00

Completely Biased List of The Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 26- "Step By Step" by The New Kids On The Block

2011-06-23T10:00:00.000-04:00

Number 26 is definitely a odd choice, I'll give you that...but wait until the end before you pass judgment.

The New Kids On The Block were THE boy band of the late 80's and early 90's. While African-Americans had New Edition, white people had NKTOB. I'll admit I liked a few of their more up tempo songs like "Step By Step" and "The Right Stuff" but I also despised their ballads like "Please Don't Go Girl" and "I'll Be Loving You Forever". In the middle you had pretty bad 80's songs like "Hanging Tough" and "Cover Girl". Anyway, "Step By Step" seems to have (baaaarely) stood the test of time and is the one song that could come out today and maybe crack the top 100.

"Step By Step" tells the story about a guy trying to gain the attention of a girl (just about the plot of 90% of all songs). In the middle of it though, there is one of the greatest breakdowns in music history where the New Kids tell the girl there are five steps to fall in love. They seem pretty straight forward.

Step 1.) Indicate to her that they can have some fun.
Step 2.) Reinforce that there is much they can do together
Step 3.) Remind her that its just the guy and the girl together...no annoying parents to interefere.
Step 4.) The guy can give her more than any other guy
Step 5.) The time is now for them to fall in love

That seems pretty simple.... However, I came up with five step to kill yourself after hearing this song for the first time. Match it up to the music...its perfect.

Step ONE....you can take a gun.
Step TWO....point it at you
Step THREE...scream out "I HATE MEEEEE!!!!"
Step FOUR...blow your brains out on the floor
Step FIVE...don't you know you're no longer aliiiiive
"Huuuuh"

Anyway, let's take a look at this video...

0:00 - 0:16 Ah yes, the old "behind the scenes at the video shoot" and "tour video diary" type video. You know, the one where there are quick cuts, the band is laughing, and everybody is yukking it up for the camera. We begin with some acapella and slow motion shots of the band. My favorite is the one Donnie Wahlberg jumping over the drum set...not sure what he's trying to prove there.

0:17 - 0:24 I like the stairwell shot because dancing on a stairwell is very practical.

0:25 - 0:33 The dance move that swelled a million teenage girls hearts. Yes, its terrible, but if I could whip those moves out at a wedding, I'd be the star of the night.

0:34- 0:47 - A little bit of freestyling dance moves and some slight posing take us to...

0:48 - 1:03 - The first verse. Again, more behind the scenes shots (Donnie Wahlberg on a motorcycle...Ooooo dangerous!) and more quick shots of the band on a sound stage.

1:03-1:04 - Did the New Kids originate the "Running Man" dance move? I can't remember how that started. With the entire band doing it, they should call it the "Running Men" or "Running Kids".

1:05-1:34 - More quick shots of Danny Wood pumping iron and does Jordan Knight imitate Michael Jackson at every opportunity in this video?

1:36 - Joey McIntyre did not just do the sprinkler head did he?

1:42 - The "I'm trying to jog forward but its so windy out" dance move.

2:22 - "And the Grammy for best special effect goes to...." Love how one New Kid is in color and the other is in black and white. Cutting edge.

2:29 - Alright Donnie, now you're just showing off. The drum set and the random guitar player?

2:39 - Not sure what kind of workout move this is. This what I do with my 3 Wood on the first tee to stretch my back out to play golf.

2:46 - The greatest voice in rock history...Danny Wood! Listen to the vibrato, the silky smoothness, the way he enunciates "fun". Yes Danny, we CAN have lots of fun...

2:52 - You can hear Donnie's vocal range max out on the word "much" when his voice gets a little raspy.

2:55 - Oh boy...

2:59 - You sure gave them more Joey...you sure did.

3:03 - Yes! The shy, quiet, gay New Kid gets involved.

3:07 - Overalls and violins in the same shot. Other than "Come On Eileen", you will never see this in a music video again.

3:12 - 3:18 Dance solo?

3:28 - More stairwell dancing...love it.

3:39 - Now multiple New Kids are black and white and Donnie is in color. What was the budget for this video?

4:11 - The classic being serious and then breaking out laughing shot. Janet Jackson mastered these.

4:19 - How many times can Joe just spin around in a tuxedo in the entire video. You see a quick shot of him almost looking pissed at the camera at the end of that last spin. "YOUR SOUL IS MINE JOEY MCINTYRE!!!" laughs Satan.

4:26 - The most random shot to end a boy band video. Donnie eating an apple...

I'm off tomorrow...more to come next week. Enjoy the weekend.

Completely Biased List of The Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 27 - "I Stay Away" by Alice In Chains

2011-06-21T17:15:00.002-04:00

In my best Kasey Kasem voice "and now let's get to the countdown"...

I'm a big fan of video gimmicks and one that isn't used enough anymore is claymation...well, I guess it really wasn't used a lot to begin with. The only claymation I can remember was mainly done by Peter Gabriel and Green Jelly.

Anyway, "I Stay Away" was off the EP Jar Of Flies. I remember buying this and wondering what an EP is. An LP is a "long playing" record so an EP is an "extended play" record. Anyway, Jar Of Flies and U2's Zooropa were probably the biggest EP's in the last 25 years...but I digress.

The song itself is one of my favorites featured a little of the old "light and shade"...love the string arrangement mixed in with the crunchy guitars. "I Stay Away" featured claymation versions of the band working in and around a travelling circus. I always thought the claymation version of Layne Stanley was pretty cool. Let's take a deeper look.

0:00 -0:49 The video opens with a little travelling bus with a kid holding, pausing for irony...a jar of flies. It looks like Alice In Chains is also on the bus sleeping off another bender.

0:50 - 0:52 For some reason the band finds themselves hanging out in a circus in the middle of nowhere. The band must be dying of heat exhaustion wearing those grunge era outfits.

0:53 - 1:01 Here are some of the circus characters. I love the lion tamer. With his one good eye, you'd think he would have bad depth perception when he whips the lions...then again, you'll see what ultimately happens to him at the end of the video.

1:02 - 1:11 I have no idea what this person is supposed to be. Is it a man or a lady? Are those real breasts? Is that seal sitting next to him/her...and doesn't the seal need to be in water to survive?

1:12-1:25 - Love the out of control clown car.

1:25 - 1:44 Now things start to go wrong...the lion is getting fired up. I love the bulging eye. Nice shadowing claymation showing the lion ripping the trainer apart.

1:45 - 1:53 An homage to Genesis' "Land Of Confusion" with the extreme closeups of the band members' faces?

2:00 - 2:21 - Say goodbye to motorcycle guy.

2:42 - 2:46 Though the flies have nothing to do with it, these three clowns just lay into each other.

2:57 - Love the elephant getting fiesty

3:10- A knife to the face is never good.

3:15 - 3:56 - Now the clown car started a fire....at least the clowns show remorse

3:56 - end - There's the trouble maker the started it all.

So looking back, we saw a lion tamer mauled by a lion, a knife thrower murder his wife, a trapeze artist fall and break her neck, a clown get knocked unconscious, and the motorcycle stunt man probably die....plus the seal now no longer has any water source so he probably died too.

Grunge music at its bleak best...

Clarence Clemons

2011-06-19T22:42:00.008-04:00

I preface this by saying I'm not a big Bruce Springsteen fan. I love the Born In The USA album but like very little else (though "Hungry Heart" is one of the best summer BBQ songs ever made).

Anyway, I was sad to hear the passing of E Street Band member Clarence Clemons. The first thing that surprised me was that he was 69 years old. That means he was in his early 40's when Born In The USA came out. I never noticed that. Anyway, here are the three things I'll always remember him by in descending order.

3.) The "you better be good for goodness sake" line in Bruce Springsteen's version of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town".

2.) His cheesy video he did for his hit with Jackson Browne "You're A Friend Of Mine". Don't say I didn't warn you...I surprised he and Jackson Browne didn't start making out at some point. See below.

1.) The above two might be his most mainstream success but I will forever remember him as the sax playing teacher who tries to help Arnold Jackson get affection from a girl he likes in the classic show Diff'rent Strokes. Sadly this episode aired during the final season of Diff'rent Strokes when it was in its death throes. By now, Willis and Kimberly were hard to find in any episodes...they brought in that annoying Sam character. And even Dixie Carter knew well enough to jump off a sinking ship. God bless Conrad Bain for hanging in there.

Anyway, here's the majority of the episode. Through the beauty of You Tube, some die hard fan posted nearly the entire episode.

Some strange things to note here.

1.) Arnold is looking old.
2.) Clarence is bad ass with his flat top haircut.
3.) The band seen around the 2:45 mark, features Wayne, the older brother in The Wonder Years.
4.) Around the 3:15 mark, Arnold is probably a foot shorter (and probably in real life 10 years older) than the girl he likes.
5.) The Sam character needed to be severly injured at some point.
6.) At the 9:04 mark, you witness the 80's in all its glory. If Wayne is really playing the guitar and dancing like that at the same time, I'm very impressed.
7.) The 9:35 mark shows that yes, you can really get girls by finding a world famous sax player to mime a part for you at a junior high dance by standing just out of site behind the curtain.

I'll admit, I just scanned through the clip...you get the gist of it. I was more excited to find the clip than actually watch it.

Irony reels its ugly head again...A man on the show Diff'rent Strokes dies due to complications from suffering...a stroke.

Anyway, R.I.P. Big Man...

Completely Biased List of The Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 28 - Tell Her About It by Billy Joel

2011-06-17T11:45:00.003-04:00

It's Friday and if you're Rebecca Black then you know what that means..."fun fun fun".

Anyway, Friday's tend to be more of an upbeat day so to fit that theme I give you the top 28 music video of all time, Billy Joel's immortal classic "Tell Her About It".

Billy's career can be broken up into two parts...1.) the serious songwriter piano based songs of the 1970's and 2.) the more poppy upbeat music of the 1980's and early 90's. I'm sort of split down the middle in terms of which I like more but his most "pop" 80's album has to be his "Innocent Man" album, where this song originates from. This album had a lot of great corny 80's videos like "Uptown Girl", "The Longest Time", and "Keeping The Faith" but I'm going to go with this one here. I love the look of early television so to see an homage of this puts it over the top for me. Let's take a look...

0:00-0:18 - We begin during the summer of 1963. I guess Beatlemania hadn't broken out yet here in the States so perhaps Billy was trying to imagine what it would it be like if he started some kind of Long Island Revolution? Anyway, we get a look at a terrible Ed Sullivan impersonator who all he does to look like him is purse his lips together.

0:20 - 0:42 Ah yes, there's the pride of Long Island Billy Joel in all his glory. It's funny, he had a terrible haircut in the 70's with his hair blown out but it took until his 30's to realize that the shorter hair look was the way to go. I also dig the sunglasses and goofy hand gestures while dancing in place.

0:43 - 0:46 - Looks like these two are having an affair.
0:54 - 0:55 - Yes these two will be banging shortly.

0:57 - 0:58 - It's Rodney Dangerfield!

1:00 - 1:04 - Ed impersonator rocking it out...in a terrible acting sort of way.

1:05 - 1:11 - More Billy and I'm thinking he's the only white guy who can pull off the white jacket, black shirt, and red tie look.

1:33 - This is just a cool looking shot. It looks like it was filmed at a real concert because they're the only people in the video that look like they're dressed from the early 80's.

1:50 - Is this the bar from Animal House?

2:00 - Little kids might look cool dancing in front of the TV...grown adults look stupid.

2:01-2:14 Strange sequence here. The guy who just got dissed by the girl seems to come up with an idea to get her back. Meanwhile Billy strut dances into the screen along with a mixed bag of people dressed from the 50's.

2:28 - 2:37 Billy's fantasy...that women in their 20's dress up in their nighties and watch him on TV. Then again, his last wife and most recent girlfriend were in their twenties so maybe this Billy is from 30 years into the future?

2:48 - Billy shows up at the party delivering pizza's. Smooth move. Future porn directors come up with ideas for future movies.

2:57 - Some of the WORST acting you'll ever see in a video. I catch this part every time...first the awkward slightly out of sync head bobbing...then Billy appears to "surprise everybody"...then more slightly awkward head bobbing..and finally a terrible cut to a guy who has the worst "stunned acting" look on his face.

3:19-3:23 - The guy in the blue sweater dances like I used to in college. I never could get my feet off the ground. I haven't improved much since then.

3:26 - Pillow fight!

3:49 - 4:20 - I remember Rodney Dangerfield's "get no respect" act as a kid but I'm not sure when it was at his peak. Caddyshack was 1980-81 and Back To School was 1986 so this falls right in the middle. Rodney was flying high here at this point in is career...if you can call being in a Billy Joel video as high point. I love the bear by the way.

Have a great weekend...

---------
The countdown so far (see sidebar for links)...

Number 30: Winonna's Big Brown Beaver - Primus
Number 29: Drive - The Cars

Completely Biased List of The Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 29 - Drive by The Cars

2011-06-16T17:30:00.000-04:00

Onto Number 29...

First all of all, I'd like to say congratulations to city of Vancouver who was amazingly able to destroy the reputation that had of being a very underrated city to take a vacation in a matter of a few hours and 100 injuries. I thought all Canadians had gentle souls who enjoyed ice fishing and a good wood burning stove. Apparently they can riot with the best of them as well.

Congrats to the Boston Bruins on winning the Stanley Cup. It figures that since I've met my New England born and bred wife, she has won 3 Super Bowls, 2 World Series, an NBA Championship, and now a Stanley Cup. That slightly overshadows the one NLCS the Mets have and the 2 AFC Championship games the Jets made. Did I mention I also root for the Knicks (scandal ridden decade with Isiah Thomas driving the team into ground) and the Islanders (one playoff appearance and I dare you to name five players that played for them the past ten years)?

If I sound depressed its because of my number 29 choice for the best video of all time..."Drive" by the Cars.

"Drive" makes me sad for the main reason that the person singing this song passed away from pancreatic cancer back in 2000. He's Ben Orr, bassist for the Cars, and one of the first songs I ever learned to play on bass was another song he sang, "Just What I Needed". I always liked his voice and of course the Cars were an underrated band.

Anyway, this video appears to take place in an insane asylum. Ben seems to be just chilling out in a large lounge area singing about who's going to help out his loved one during her time of need. During the video you meet Paulina Porizkova who I only know through three things...

1.) She married the other lead singer of the Cars Ric Okasek
2.) She was on Dancing with The Stars a couple of years ago.
3.) She was in the immortal classic 80's movie "Her Alibi" with Tom Selleck.

Anyway, let's take a look...

0:15 - 0:48 Ahhh yes, the legendary Ben Orr. I like the black and white style of this video. I do not like Ben's perm.

0:49 - 1:00 Hello Paulina...her right leg looks longer than the rest of her body...yummy. By the way, that's pretty impressive abstract art she is putting together there.

1:00 - 1:10 Ben looks uncomfortable in his chair.

1:11 -1:25 Ah yes, Ric Okasek. He wrote every Cars song even though he doesn't sing on all of them. I love the angry look he gives here. I'm not sure what he's accomplishing by yelling at her and giving her dirty looks throughout the video. She's already certifiably insane I guess as this point.

1:26-1:35 I really have no idea what's going on here. That is some good miming though. Was the asylum a converted diner?

1:52 - 1:55 - If I gave my wife this look, I'd be sleeping outside.

1:55 - 2:15 - One last look at Ben and strangely enough he disappears for the rest of the video...oh well.

2:15 - 2:35 My 2nd favorite part of the video. I was away last weekend with some friends of mine and one of them got into a HUGE argument with his girlfriend on the phone...but the funny thing was he dominated her. She was the one all upset and he stayed cool as a cucumber. I couldn't help but think of this scene here had they been in the same room together.

2:35-3:05 Paulina shows off her acting skills. I can hear the director barking out orders ("Do happy! Now do sad! Now do crazy!") Was this segment what landed her the costarring role in "Her Alibi"?

3:05-3:25 - My favorite part of the video...wax figures of the band...I'm not sure why I love this so much but I do. Actually I'm not sure if those are wax figures our not. I think they are. I wonder what a wax figure of me would look like...probably scary.

3:27 - end : One last long closing shot of Paulina....and fade to black.

BONUS PAULINA

Amazingly, there are many scenes from "Her Alibi" on YouTube. Here's one of my favorites.

Feeling Good For A Tuesday...

2011-01-25T08:30:00.001-05:00

Yes, this song was way overplayed at clubs and weddings but you have to admit, this was a great video...

BUT...we all know everything sounds better when converted to Nintendo 8 bit style...I feel like I'm in level six of Mega Man 3.

"Walk Of Life" - Dire Straits

2011-01-24T18:30:00.000-05:00

One of the seminal music videos of my youth was the one for the Dire Straits song "Walk Of Life". You probably remember it mainly because it was full of baseball clips. As a little leaguer who was in the midst of a career batting average of .030, this video would bring me inspiration whenever I had yet another 0 for 3 game with three strikeouts and probably two errors in the field.

Anyway, somebody out in the Internet land took the video and edited it down to just the baseball clips. I never realized just how few clips there were. It basically turned a four minute song into forty-one seconds. Oh well, memories are just theater of the mind right?

Enjoy....

CONTRUX!!!

2011-01-18T17:15:00.006-05:00

You can have your legos. You can keep your tinker toys. As for me...I was a CONSTRUX(!!!) kid. You might remember how CONSTRUX(!!!) worked. CONSTRUX(!!!) was legos on steroids using much bigger pieces that allowed you to make cool things like trucks, helicopters, or a boat. Even better, some of them had the ability to use batteries to actually make them move. I loved CONSTRUX(!!!).

You might be asking "why are you typing out Contrux in all capital letters?". I would tell you...because its CONSTRUX(!!!). Actually its because of the awesome TV commercials they used to have. I'd like to be the guy in the recording studio who gets to shout CONTRUX!!! every five seconds or so.

Check it out...

I love the drum machine and synthesizer here...I also like the "you build!" part. It's nice to see racial harmony was going on 25 years ago. Not sure why they're playing on a carpet though. Toys with wheels NEVER moved well on a carpet. Oh well, who am I to critisize.

Ahhhh, how I long for the old days of 1985.

Grown Men Crying

2011-01-17T15:35:00.000-05:00

They say that the winter is the time of the year where people get depressed. To celebrate that fact, let's take a look at grown men crying!

I'm still in shock over the end of the Mike and the Mad Dog show. If you live in NY and have a remote interest in sports this is big news. Below is video of the show when Mad Dog called in to say goodbye and he starts crying about 40 seconds in. Mike then gets teary eyed and tells a lame story which shows you what the show is going to be like going forward with Chris Russo (the Mad Dog).

His crying reminds me of one of the most unforgettable "grown men crying" moments in all of sports...Mike Schmidt's retirement press conference. I love how his voice breaks when he says "dream come true" at 24 seconds in. Even better, I love his pose at the end when he dries his eyes, leans towards his locker, and crosses his legs. Classic.

Next up is the famous Terrel Owens breakdown over Tony Romo. Sometimes when a customer service person gets mad at my wife, I want to get a little weepy and tell them "hey now, that's my teammate...that's my quarterback".

I wish I had the full clip of this but this taste of this Arnold Palmer clip gives you a good idea of how much rain his eyes could produce. This was taken at his last Masters in 1994...."that just about says it all! ".

From one of the greatest golfers to one of the greatest tennis players...Roger Federer. Talk about taking the spotlight away from Rafael Nadal with your whining.
I love the face caving and the slow breakdown into full tears starting at the :30 mark.

Perhaps the greatest breakdown of all time is Lou Pinella's last game as a Cubs manager. Lou needs to realize that one shouldn't try to talk when crying.

Honorable mention....

Movie Review - The Fighter

2011-01-12T15:33:00.008-05:00

With Oscar season here, my movie watching has cranked up a bit. Having a few major snowstorms help free up some free time too.

As is always the case, these review are NOT SPOILER FREE so if you haven't seen the movie being reviewed and want to see it DON'T READ THE REVIEW. Today’s movie is The Fighter.

Circumstances seeing this movie:
My wife and I were up in Rhode Island over the holidays and just wanted to have an old fashioned “date night”. The theaters in Rhode Island are not quite as nice as the one’s I really like in NY but it was passable. Consider this theater an aging Cameron Diaz compared the NY’s more trendy Mila Kunis.

Plot Overview:
A fighter at the crossroads of his career has to decide if he want to take advantage of his true potential or continue to be held back by his domineering family. Lots of punching, swearing, and shaky New England accents ensue.

Quickie Review:
I liked this movie…a lot. I love gritty movies and placing it in a gritty setting like Lowell, Massachusetts makes it extra dirty. Christian Bale is amazing as the washed up, crack head, older brother of Mark Wahlberg’s titular character. Christian Bale’s performance almost makes me want to be a crackhead for a little while. I love his bald spot too. Also of note is Melissa Leo’s performance as the matriarch of the family. Any character that makes you really hate them means it’s a great performance. I love her passive aggressiveness. Amy Adams is H-O-T.

Also of note is the classic rock soundtrack. As a huge fan of Led Zeppelin, its rare that you hear their music in a movie but one of their songs plays over a vital part of the movie.

"Rock on Jimmy Page!"

Common Sense Violations:

1.) Well, it is based on a true story but some things seemed a little extreme. Are the cops really that tough up in Lowell? I mean they didn’t really need to bash Mark Wahlberg’s hand that many times.

2.) It seemed like a nice prison that Christian Bale was in…they let the prisoners watch his HBO special.

Scenes I liked:
1.) Any of the extended sequences…the opening scene of the brothers walking through Lowell and the police scene. I love Christian Bale impersonating a cop.

2.) Sugar Ray Leonard’s cameo appearance.

3.) How they used the HBO commentary for his fights. Though you never see Jim Lampley or Larry Merchant they do a good job of thinking they’re there and adding more realism to the fights.

4.) Chritian Bale escaping from his drug den through the back window and onto a pile of garbage....twice.

"What was I thinking doing The Rocker???"

Let's cut to the chase Hungieman, is there any sex/nudity?
No nudity though you get Amy Adams in a black bra and underwear looking very tasty about to get down with Marky Mark. Of course they are interrupted by the above mentioned nine(!) sisters coming over so we don’t see things go any further.

There was also probably some behind the scenes prison shower action but that was not shown.

"After we have intercourse, let's go to the beach so you can get some kind of tan"

Recommended?
Absolutely! There should be at least three Oscar nominations for the acting alone (Christian Bale, Melissa Leo, and either Wahlberg or Amy Adams. If this movie was a fight, it TKO’d me in the 4th round (Larry Merchant would say in his angry old man voice “just a re-SOUNDING performance by “The Fighter”…well done”)

Final review:
9 out of 10.

Happy...er...Holidays?

2010-12-11T06:01:00.002-05:00

God I love Catholics and their goofy Christmas pageants...

The Old Heave Ho

2010-12-01T17:18:00.000-05:00

I've been swamped with work lately so it would take a lot to make me post something.

This is that something...

The Most Intense Candy Bar Commercial Ever?

2010-09-24T15:24:00.005-04:00

"Nestle' tastes the very best...N E S T L E S."

This damn song from one of the dumbest commercials still worms its way into my head every now and then. I figured I'd look at the commercial where it came from.

Talk about sappy high production values. I love the dude in the beginning. I wish I could see the singer singing this song in the recording booth. Instrumentally, it sounds like it could be a deleted music cue from "The Neverending Story". And how about those background vocals at the 0:15 mark? At least it ends happily with the preppy guy end the girl on the swing ready to enjoy their candy bar together.

Not too many commercials can have the words "creamy white" in it without it being indecent.

I never bought a Nestle bar before, but this song has stayed with me for over 20 years now.

New American Idol Judge Steven Tyler

2010-09-23T14:56:00.000-04:00

Greatest concert moment ever?

Sizzler

2010-09-22T14:57:00.005-04:00

Family dinner night! In today's households with little kids this might mean a trip to Appleby's, T.G.I.Fridays, Buffalo Wild Wings, or Friendlys. About 20 years ago, those options were more limited to Bennigans and...well Friendlys I guess. One of these places that will always hold a special place in my heart (and rectum) is Sizzler.

Sizzler had a brilliant concept for little kids. It was basically a buffet full of high fat but delicious food and did I mention it was a buffet? That meant one could mix macaroni and cheese, with a taco, with a chicken finger, with a slice of pizza...HEAVEN to an 8 year old.

Even better was the dessert bar, full of help yourself soft serve ice cream and about gazillion different toppings. Sometimes I wouldn't even eat the ice cream and just go for the toppings....ever have dish full of hot fudge syrup and chocolate chips? Well, I have and its quite tasty!

Sadly, Sizzler slowly closed down their locations and there are a handful left. I had thought it had gone completely out of business until I stumbled across one when I lived in Bayside Queens. My roommate and I went to check it out, to relive our youth, only to find that something terrible had happened in between then and now. We had actually developed good eating habits. After 15 years of not going to a Sizzler and then going back to eat the fried greasy goodness, the food wrecked havoc on our insides. Within a few minutes of eating the main course, I felt my stomach rumbling and if I didn't get home to a bathroom there was going to be some serious consequences. The same thing was happening to my roommate and we bolted out of there and ran a few red lights to get back to our apartment. Let's just say my sphincter was sizzling that night as well.

So to the Sizzler, I say thank you for the memories of your exquisite buffets and mouthwatering dessert bars. I have grown too old for you now but I know that if I ever need an enema of any kind, I can walk through your doors and gorge myself on your plethora of heart attack inducing items.

I almost need to use the bathroom just watching this...

Goodbye David Hasselhoff

2010-09-21T22:03:00.002-04:00

Though he was just elimiated on Dancing With The Stars, he still has his royalty checks from this commercial he shot for Carls Jr. hamburger chain.

Butter!!! (1980's Style)

2010-09-20T21:41:00.004-04:00

Butter! Oh salty, greasy, high calorie flavor adding goodness, you don't get enough respect these days that you used to back in the 1980's. Now everyone says that you're the cause of things like HEART DISEASE....HIGH CHOLESTEROL....and OBESITY. For centuries, you were the toast of the food world but now crazy nutritionists are talking about how people should be using cheap substitutes like margarine...or even not using butter at all...bleeeecchhhh.

Even your commercials are dumbed down now. Check out this commercial made by the Dairy Association back in 80's...

Haha! Was that guy enjoying his butter coated food...OR HAVING SEX WITH IT?!? Was that an out of work 80's porn actor with those facial expressions? And did you see how much butter he was pouring on those hot dogs around the :24 second mark? And who puts butter on a pan full of mushrooms anymore? I'd be in orgasmic bliss too!

And how about old friend Molly McButter?

OK so it wasn't really butter...but you can sprinkle it over anything to add some flavor. Sure it was it was loaded with extra salt that cause diabetes but HOLY CRAP, DID YOU CHECK OUT THE AWESOME BLUE SCARF THE LADY IS WEARING?!?

And of course you have the classic Parkay.

SUCK IT COUNTRY CROCK! Good Lord, did you see how much butter this guy put on his bread at the :17 second mark? No way this actor is alive today. This commercial made me plead with my parents to buy Parkay so I could talk to and befriend my butter. Alas, as much as I tried to to coax a simple "parkaaaay" out of it, it never happened.

Top 5 Hall and Oates Songs

2010-09-17T14:01:00.005-04:00

In the world of the IPOD and the music industry geared towards singles, its hard for current artists to really gather a long lasting body of work in terms of the pop charts. It still happens today...Beyonce...Rihanna...Nickelback (I just threw up the chowder I had for lunch after that one) but you're probably not going to see too many "Greatest Hits" CD's from most of today's popular artists.

Alright, I'm getting off my soapbox. I want to talk about the all time best selling duo in the history of records...yes they've sold more than such duos like Simon and Garfunkel, Seals and Croft, Tears For Fears, and Coverdale/Page...alright, maybe that wasn't too hard for them to do. But still, you cannot deny the power and back catalog of Daryl Hall and John Oates.

I've already talked about how Hall and Oates was the very first tape I ever bought (Big Bam BOOM). It was recently that I stumbled across a few of their songs I had on my IPOD and before I knew it, I was transported back to 1985 all over again.

Hall and Oates DOMINATED the 80's...they were the Mike Tyson of the Billboard Charts. I won't name them all but from 1980-1990 they pretty much had hit singles every year (including six #1 hits). I seem to gravitate towards the early 1980's Hall and Oates versus the later part of the 80's with this list of their top 5 songs. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be...

#5. "Kiss On My List"

Not the first song when somebody thinks of Hall and Oates but god DAMN if this song doesn't include the recipe for a textbook H&O classic. Uptempo beat, perfect harmony background vocals, great melodies, and an awesome bridge. I'm a huge fan of the Rock Band video game series and I think this would be an excellent song to add. Very underrated guitar solo here too.

#4. I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)

Probably one of the most famous and sampled bass lines from the 1980's, this is a MONSTER song. Again, it has another great bridge (the "I'll do anything, that you want me to" part) and amazing harmony vocals. If you like this song as much as I do, I would check out Simply Red's semi-cover version called "Sunrise".

I never did know what the "that" is in reference to the song title.

I always liked the video for this song too. Some things to look out for... the beginning...talk about bright light and smoke machines...Daryl Hall's hair...John Oates terrible attempt at lip syncing is on full display at the 1:21 mark...the saxophone player really having nothing to do with the video but acting like he's part of the band...where's the bass player?!? This video must have taken $1,000 to make.

3.) "Maneater"

This song came out when I was 4 years old...it scared me. That spooky saxophone that plays in the beginning was what did it for me. It sounded like an upbeat dark song if that was possible. Now nearly 30 years later, its full of really ambitious musical ideas. An echoed saxophone solo? How brilliantly simple. Another iconic bass line. Daryl Hall's ad lib singing at the end is great including my favorite ad lib of all time "the woman is wild Oooooooohhhh!!!" at the 4:05 mark of the below video.

Speaking the video, things to look out for. The band "frozen" at the beginning as the camera zooms in on Hall...Hall dancing with only his shoulders at the :48 mark...Oates iconic mullet and mustache never looked better...its the former bandleader of Saturday Night Live at the 1:42 and 2:30 mark, G.E. Smith!..the bass player finger snap at the 2:10 mark...the echoed sax solo. The best moment is Oates miming the "OOOOOoooo!!!" part that Hall sings at the 3:28 mark. Good stuff!

2.) "Private Eyes"

Sing it now..."private eyes are watching you , they see your every moooove". This was probably the hardest Hall and Oates ever got and probably the most guitar they ever used in a song, and damn, do I like that! Another song full of just flat out perfect melodies.

The video always put this one over the top for me. See below and check out the following...the magnifying glass at the 0:18 second mark...the entire band posing for the camera but the bass player just stands there motionless in the middle...the Private investigator outfits at the :47 mark...Oates brief moment at the forefront and mugging for the camera at the 1:28 mark...the "mirroresque" guitar solo at the 1:59 mark that Prince would use to much better use in his "When Doves Cry" video a FULL TWO YEARS LATER...the last minute is just blissed out 1980's.

1.) "One On One"

Yes, its a ballad...but I am huge sucker for ballads. I am also a sucker for great bass playing and this song has one of the most underrated playing in a pop song. I am also a sucker for falsettos (high voices) and Daryl Hall has one of the better ones around. The final minute and a half is a master class in singing. This is almost the perfect pop ballad song and if you can't get a woman's heart to melt over this song...then you're in a seriously troubled relationship.

Just soak the song and video in...the only comment I'll make is that the 1:00 to 1:22 and 1:42 to 2:00 mark shows just how awesomely cheesy the 1980's were.

Honorable mentions:
"You Make My Dreams"
"Out Of Touch"
"Everything Your Heart Desires"
"Say It Ain't So"
"Family Man"
"She's Gone"

There's too many!!!

Oregon Trail - NFL Style

2010-09-14T16:27:00.004-04:00

I loved playing Oregon Trail on the PC. Who couldn't resist the thought of you and your closest pals setting forth across the United States in an attempt to start a new life out west? Of course it was a lot easier than it seemed. Between running out of food, your wagon breaking down, bad weather, and of course your wagon sinking while trying cross the numerous rivers, this game was hard as hell. It did help me pick up a lot of vocabulary and phrases that I had never heard of before at the time. These include:

1.) "Caulk the wagon"
2.) "Attempt to ford the river"
3.) Dysentery
4.) Grueling
5.) Cholera
6.) Meager
7.) Bare bones
8.) Rear Axel

What made the game genius was two things...1.) being able to name specific people in the game and 2.) hunting for food. Seeing my Dad get a snake bite or my old friend Dan suffer from exhaustion always made me laugh. Of course it was sad when people died but you did get to put a little epitaph on their tombstone which I always thought was classy (even if you wrote something like "Here lies Mike, he liked tongue kissing old men").

This leads to the below video. Someone had the genius idea of combining the original Oregon Trail with the NFL. It talks a lot about the 2009 season (Favre retiring again from the Jets but then signing with the Vikings...Dante Stallworth's running over somebody...Tom Brady's season opening injury...Plaxico Burress shooting himself...Michael Vick's dog killing, etc.) and its pretty well put together.

I'm sorry for the advertisement in the beginning...its worth it though trust me.

Dancing Ninjas

2010-09-13T14:55:00.002-04:00

What do you get when you mix a classic PC game Karateka with a hardcore DMX song?

DANCING NINJAS!

Not sure why this makes me laugh...I love this song.

Classic Cartoons - Voltron

2010-09-08T09:00:00.001-04:00

"And I'll form....the HEAD".

I'm not sure about you but I've uttered that line at least a few times in my life (not sure what the context would for saying that though). Anyway, it's one of those unintentionally funny lines from movies or TV shows that I like to say from time to time (Others include "You had your chance but you BLEW it!!!" from Cop Land, "I'm afraid alright?!? I'm afraid!!!" from Rocky 3, and "It's game over man...game over!" from Aliens").

Anyway, the above line comes from one of the more underrated cartoons from the 1980's...Voltron. There was a version of Voltron that included 15 vehicles forming Voltron but to me, the classic version is the one with the five lions.

I was mesmerized by the action in the show. The episodes were pretty formulaic. The bad guy would release some evil creature, called Robo Beasts, onto the world and it would be up to five individual guys (actually four guys and one princess) in their respective lions to stop it. Mind you, the individual lions NEVER won so they always ended up having to form Voltron and usually slice the robo-beast in half and everyone goes happy.

The best part of every episode of Voltron was the when the lions formed Voltron. God damn, I tried to reenact this so many times when I was 7 years old trying to contort my body into one of the lions shapes like a leg or an arm but of course I ended up falling over or straining something.

In any event, the iconic line "AND I'LL FORM....THE HEAD" is something I wouldn't mind on my tombstone.

Here's the transformation sequence...I'd try to do those moves again but unlike straining my then little kid self back in the day, I'd probably give my now older self a heart attack.

1988 World Series Game 1 - RBI Baseball Style

2010-09-04T11:04:00.006-04:00

RBI Baseball for Nintendo was a pioneer for all sports video games. It was one of the first games (at least the first baseball game) to use real players. Sure the gameplay was clunky and the graphics very old school, I was now able to have Rafael Santana compete for league MVP and Sid Fernandez for the Cy Young Award. This blew my then 10 year old mind.

Thankfully someone has taken the original gameplay, made some adjustments, and reenacted Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. This game also marked a huge day in blossoming love of sports and features of one of the greatest moments of my childhood...Kirk Gibson's famous home run.

A few things I love about it.

1.) It features one of the greatest video game announcers of all time...Vin Scully (see MLB 1998-2001 on the original PlayStation).

2.) Joe Gargiola was an underrated analysis. I always forget him.

3.) One of my all time favorite sayings by an announcer...Vin Scully's "you talk about a roll of the dice...this is it!". (at the 4:50 mark)

4.) The instant reply of the stolen base using rudimentary graphics(9:10-9:30 mark).

5.) Even with video game graphics, the Gibson home run gives me chills every time.

How To Pick Up Another Man's Wife

2010-09-04T11:03:00.002-04:00

Running The Bases At A Blazing Speed

2010-08-17T12:36:00.001-04:00

Words can't really describe this. Actually there is one...AWESOME.

The Auto Tuner

2010-08-11T16:11:00.004-04:00

To me, the music industry is in the toilet today. Anybody can have a hit song regardless of how bad their voice is. Take a look at hack singers like Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Jamie Foxx, Kanye West, Ke$ha, and even Britney Spears. Its all about images and looking good. The auto tune has exploded all over music the past few years but its been around for awhile. Daft Punk uses it a lot (along with vocoders which are pretty cool) and until a few years ago, the biggest example of it was in the Cher song "Believe".

Here are some better examples of the auto tune...first up is one of my all time favorite songs growing up. I didn't know how the singers made their voices go that high until a few years ago when the auto tune became much more popular. I love the high pitched vocals around the 1:40 mark ("wedding ring...." then really high "weeeeddding riiingg")

Next up is a scene from The Simpsons from 2002 or maybe 2003 that parodies exactly how anybody can sing. Right around the 1:00 minute mark is what you're looking for (sorry about the not so great quality).

Lastly, the auto tune works well with just flat out comedy. Check out this scene from the show "Intervention". This man's family finally gets through to him and he lets out a primal scream at the :17 second mark. Here's the clip.

Funny all by itself right? Well let's see what an auto-tune does to it.

Just goes to show that anybody can sing. Can we get another Grunge like movement happening soon???

When Fireworks Go Wrong

2010-07-19T14:46:00.002-04:00

Keep this little video in mind the next time you go to a Fireworks night at a baseball game. I love the guy shouting "oh no, oh no, OH NOOOOO!!!"

I'm assuming nobody got hurt here...

Prank Call Of The Weekend - Casey Kasem calls a Chinese Restaurant

2010-07-17T11:11:00.004-04:00

I love fake celebrity prank calls. Thankfully there's a healthy amount of them on YouTube. From time to time, I'll post an all time favorite of mine.

First up is long time Top 40 Countdown announcer Casey Kasem calling a Chinese Restaurant to place an order. Since Chinese restaurants mainly use numbers to place orders, you can bet hilarity ensues.

Taken from the Howard Stern show...

All Time Favorite Songs - Save A Prayer

2010-07-14T17:33:00.003-04:00

Of course taken from Live Aid. This was the last time the original members of Duran Duran played together until their reunion in 2001.

Good stuff...great song...and one of the best lines ever in a song ("some people call it a one night stand but we can call it paradise").

Classic Commercials - Apex Tech

2010-07-13T16:37:00.007-04:00

I watched a lot of WOR (channel 9), WPIX (channel 11), and Fox (Channel 5) growing up here in New York mainly because those were the stations that had cartoons as well as classic 80's shows in syndication like Diff'rent Strokes, Facts Of Life, and Mr. Belvedere. Because these stations were local, you get local commercials. One I remember as a kid involved a mythical place called Apex Tech.

I had no idea what Apex Tech was other than the fact it seemed that a friendly bald headed guy would tell you how important it was to be able to fix car engines, repair a refrigerator, and most importantly service air conditioners. Students appeared to be working very hard around him. His classic sign off "Now I can't call you, you have to the take the first step" is legendary.

I had forgotten about Apex Tech until I was walking down 6th Avenue in Manhattan a couple of weeks ago and stumbled across this and nearly crapped my pants...

It was almost like running into an old friend from elementary school you hadn't seen in years. The memories started coming back and I almost wanted to walk across the street to see if that affable bald headed instructor was still there (or still alive since its been nearly 20 years). Thankfully somebody on YouTube posted one of the old commercials. The audio isn't the greatest but it includes one of the greatest catch phrases of my early years...

Glory days of public access TV...

The Voice Of God vs. The Scary Preacher Guy in Poltergeist 2

2010-07-12T17:17:00.007-04:00

Sad news from the sports world yesterday as it was announced that New York Yankee public address announcer Bob Shepard died. Hearing the report was funny in that many people said that he "believed to be" 99 years old. I'm not sure why he wouldn't confirm his age so close to 100 years old but that's not the point here.

After seeing pictures of Bob Shepard, I realized two things:

1.) He had a lot of liver spots all over his face and head.

and

2.) He looked a lot like the preacher guy from Poltergeist 2. Remember him? All he wanted to do was take Carol Anne back to the promised land. He seemed like a nice guy but he looked very freaky and obviously had ulterior evil motives.

Anyway see below for the resemblance and tell me I'm wrong...

How Hard Was This??? Live Aid Elton John

2010-06-26T01:07:00.004-04:00

I'm a HUGE sucker for the original Live Aid concert...with the wife away this weekend, I'm catching up with it again. The Elton John set intrigues me. First of all, he appears to completely coked out. Then, not only does he play a rare "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" with Kiki Dee, he actually gives up one of his most iconic songs to a very young George Michael to sing..."Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me". Watch the video and count how many times that Elton was DYING to join in. Of course the fact that he didn't, helped this become George Micheal's coming out party..."coming out" meaning that he was truly a solo superstar and not gay (that happened a few years later).

Good stuff here...and look out for Andrew Ridgley!!! (the soggy other half of WHAM)

Movie Review - Orphan

2010-06-22T14:10:00.009-04:00

Its been waaaaay too long since I posted something. Between my job (I need money to live) and personal stuff (this is where I talk about a fight I had with an major illness...but I really was just lazy), I had little time to devote to this site. That will hopefully change.

I'm going to change gears for a little while and focus on movie reviews. I'll still throw in other things but movies are easy to bang out. The movies being reviewed will be a mix of old and new. They will also NOT BE SPOILER FREE so if you haven't seen the movie being reviewed and want to see it DON'T READ THE REVIEW. First up...The Orphan.

Circumstances seeing this movie:
I saw this movie a few weeks ago after somebody telling my wife that the twist at the end is AWESOME. Thankfully it had been running on Showtime so I DVRed it and watched it over two days.

Plot Overview:
A married couple (not necessarily happily married) are still getting over the loss of a miscarriage. They decide to adopt but instead of adopting a newborn baby, or at least a child under the age of 3, they decide to adopt a 9 year old girl found in an orphanage in Russia...HUGE MISTAKE!!!

Quickie Review:
Not a bad movie, not a great one. Trying to figure out what the orphan girl's true intentions were interesting but when they are revealed, I was a little disappointed. I was impressed at how far fetched the twist was and that someone would think of that but this movie would be thrown in jail by the common sense police.

Common Sense Violations:
1.) How about the twist...THE ORPHAN IS ACTUALLY A 33 YEAR OLD WOMAN WITH A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT MAKES HER LOOK LIKE A 9 YEAR OLD GIRL!!! Plus, she's fascinated with the Dads that have adopted her in the past...so much so that she'll kill anyone that gets in her way. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? As I said before, I'll give a 10 for the originality of the twist, but a 2 for seeing how that twist ties to a movie. The closest thing I could I think of would be Webster or Gary Coleman being adopted by a family and they fall in love with the mother and kill the Dad.

2.) The fact that the father completely ignores all signs that the orphan is a psycho. He throws his wife of probably 5-10 years under the bus and trusts this new child he met 6 months ago completely. Fine, he wouldn't know that she's really as old as she really is...but to not at least see that she's up to no good? WAKE THE F' UP!!!

3.) I don't understand the relationship between the husband and wife...one minute they're having risque sex in the kitchen and shortly thereafter he teases her about prior drinking problems and tries to get her committed. I don't get that....then again, he was probably really horny and just wanted to get some action. Guys are mean/cool like that sometimes.

Scenes I liked:
1.) The sort of sex scene in the kitchen. Good stuff there for a non-nudity scene...but I dare any parents of small children to try this while the sun is still out.

2.) All scenes with the Orphan involving the other kids. Knowing the twist now, she's one mean 33 year old woman.

3.) The scene where the Orphan shows how good of a piano player she is plus the mother's reaction to it. Pretty creepy and the song she plays is really cool too.

4.) The fact that the father dies...movies usually let the good people live at the end or just kill the family pet. NOT THIS ONE!

Let's cut the shit Hungieman, is there any sex/nudity?
This movie is mammary free...but the sex scene is pretty good for not showing any boobs...the lead actress has nice cleavage

Recommended?
Probably only the same circumstances I saw it under...it was on cable and I had the ability to record it to watch at my leisure.

Final review:
5 out of 10.

TGIF

2010-04-30T15:47:00.002-04:00

I love this video...

The REAL Tiger Woods 2010 Masters Comeback Commercial

2010-04-08T17:46:00.002-04:00

Things That Scared The Crap Out Of Me Growing Up - The Twilight Zone Intro

2010-04-06T16:30:00.001-04:00

I had mentioned in an earlier post about movie scenes that frightened me when I was a little kid (http://hungieman.blogspot.com/2008/07/movies-to-make-you-cryin-fear.html). Another thing that always used to frighten me was the intro to the 1980's TV show "The Twilight Zone".

The Twilight Zone sort of rode the coattails of fantasy/horror anthology shows like "Amazing Stories" and "Tales From The Darkside". I enjoyed this show a lot as a little kid though I'm sure a ton of it went over my head. Anytime this show came on though, I had to leave the room because I hated the opening credits. Let's take a closer look.

0:00-0:07 - Right off the bat, you get some creepy music and a pull away camera shot through the window that then slams shut. This part I could handle.

0:10-0:18 - Now the room we're in fades out and we see this rotating ball that shows disturbing images. First up...a fetus! Mind you, I didn't know what a fetus was much less what one looked like (I was 8 when this show was on the air). It just looked like a messed up baby and babies are supposed to be cute right? Needless to say, this part made me run for the hills. Would this ever be allowed on TV today?

0:19-0:21 Okay, a tarantula. No problems here. I had learned in 3rd and 4th grade that tarantulas are friendly as long as you don't try to squish them.

0:22-0:23 Hmmmm...a carousel. Yes, those horses do have some pretty scary looks on their face but its a quick shot so I don't have much time to think about it until...

0:23-0:25 GAH! A China doll! I HATED these motherf*ckers growing up. They have that glassened look to them. The lighting on this shot makes it look even more creepy when its blinking. My second most scary shot, right below the fetus image.

0:27-0:29 Cool! An explosion! Wait what's that you said Dad? That's a nuclear explosion that would decimate most of the United States if one was dropped on us by those filthy Russians? But Dad, didn't you see Rocky IV? The Cold War is OVER.

0:30-0:51 The window is back but fades into the black and white image of Rod Serling, the original creator of the show before finally showing the title credit shot. You quickly hear the old Twilight Zone theme and then a pretty long fade out.

I actually loved the show itself and will seek it out on DVD one of these days but I'll always have the opening credit sequence as a founding member to the Scary Hall Of Fame in the back of mind.

Corey Haim's Greatest Role - "Blown Away"

2010-03-18T17:03:00.003-04:00

Poor Corey Haim, he probably earned more money during his teen years than most of us will earn in our lifetime and he still found a way to piss it all away on drugs. Still, he had one heck of a run in the 1980's Let's take a closer look:

1.) Silver Bullet: I never watched the entire movie all the way through but must have stumbled across the last 10 minutes hundreds of time on HBO. All I know is that Corey is being chased by a guy in a werewolf suit and Gary Busey is yelling. That final scare when the werewolf guy reaches out after being shot in the eye is pretty cool.

2.) Lucas: Never saw this movie. Even as a 7 or 8 year old, I could sniff out a chick flick. I remember thinking the girl in this movie was cute though.

3.) License To Drive: Classic movie from my youth. Stupid but fun story and it has a random cast that features Heather Graham in one of her first roles as Mercedes and the dad from Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire plays the driving test guy. Good times here.

4.) The Lost Boys: I was too young to have seen this movie when it came out but when I did, I thought it was great. Another cool 80's cast too like Corey Feldman, Jason Patric, Dianne West, and hottie Jamie Gertz. Keifer Sutherland was never better in my opinion.

5.) Dream A Little Dream: Never saw this movie...again my ten year old mind couldn't connect with what this movie was about. Again, the girl in this move was hot.

Now the above five movies are probably what 99% of the critics discussed when he died. If you ask most guys in his early 30's about what his favorite movie was...I guarantee you they will say 1992's cult classic "Blown Away".

"Isn't Blown Away that Jeff Bridges/Tommy Lee Jones movie?" some idiot will ask. Nope! Its the classic Corey Haim/Corey Feldman/Nicole Eggert soft core porn classic that appeared on HBO. I remember the first time watching this movie...it was part of some "Friday Night Action" series that HBO was putting together. Let's just say that this movie completely blew my then 14 year old mind. I mean Nicole Eggert (fresh off Charles In Charge) gets naked about 5 different times in this movie. If you could name one actress IN HER PRIME from an 80's TV show that would you want to sell their integrity for a movie like this, Nicole Eggert would have to be up there right? Runners up would probably be Stacy Keenan from My Two Dads and the red head from My Two Dads (who actually did get nude now that I think of it but not until years later).

Here's the trailer...

It also seemed to have a decent plot though I was certainly ignoring any plot discrepancies due to the excessive nudity and thrusting. I haven't seen this movie in at least 10-15 years but I love how the Dad in this movie gets pushed off a cliff on his motorcycle. There's also random dancing by Corey Feldman and some of most random plot twists ever found in a movie. The best is the final scene where its Corey vs. Corey and one gets shot (I won't say which one dies). Even 90210 alum Kathleen Robertson makes an appearance (though sadly does not get naked).

Anyway, Corey Haim will be missed...and I hope that if he is reading this blog from his computer in heaven, that he truly appreciates the number of prepubescent lives he touched with his timeless classic "Blown Away".

Classic Commercials - Drinking And Driving Can Kill A Friendship

2010-03-16T20:13:00.005-04:00

Watching a lot of syndicated TV shows in the 80's like Differ'ent Strokes and Facts Of Life, there would be an adult commercial that I would never understand (see the earlier post on Summer's Eve for one example). In any event, my favorite "adult" commercial was one where various glasses of alcoholic beverages would shatter against each other, simulating a car crash.

I love the foreboding voice ("when friends don't stop friends from drinking...friends DIE"). I also don't think ever heard a tire screech last that long. First up are the glasses of wine...then the beer. Each time the announcer voice pauses longer and enunciates the word DIE even more.

I was always fascinated by the glasses shattering in slow motion but even more amazed by that tiny little splash of liquid from the scotch that falls back into the glass.

Best Picture

2010-03-07T23:58:00.002-05:00

Tom Hanks comes on and just named the winner...The Hurt Locker...no run through of the nominations?

Oh well, no big deal...

Nice win for the Hurt Locker! Love the cast so happy behind them. Since just about everybody saw Avatar, its time that the Hurt Locker gets seen by more people.

A lot of people will say "what?!?" tomorrow but trust me this movie will blow you away. The last 25 minutes are better than most movies will ever hope to make.

Alright, I'm off to bed...not sure if I'm going to do this again next year...I'm burned out....but I hope the few of you that humored me by checking this out got a little chuckle out of it.

Best Director

2010-03-07T23:52:00.003-05:00

Barbara Streisand, fresh off butchering the We Are The World remake, is about to announce the Best Director award.

This is James Cameron versus his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow...screw everybody else here.

I'm pulling for Bigelow. I think The Hurt Locker was the grittier slightly better made movie. She'd be the first woman to win and Cameron has one for Titanic. Still, he created an entire world, characters, and language. Tough call here.

And the winner is Kathryn Bigelow...I love how James Cameron mouthed the words "OKAY....OKAY" when they announced her name.

Alright Barbara, get off the stage. Wow, KB looks great. I wonder in Cameron is looking at his current wife and then looking at her and wondering if he made a mistake.

No reference to her ex-husband but a great shout out to the troops in Iraq. Also like the quick shots of the other directors. Quentin looked unhappy again.

Best Actress

2010-03-07T23:36:00.002-05:00

Here's a random mix of people to honor the

Forrest Whitaker gets Sandra Bullock - He's come a long way since "Fast Times At Ridgemont High". Hope Floats? I vaguely remember that movie. I wish Sly Stallone came out and talked about how much he enjoyed working with her in "Demolition Man"

Michael Sheen gets Helen Mirren- This guy looks pretty cool and he was in Frost/Nixon last year. Helen seems embarassed by his words or maybe just nerves. The Brits honoring the Brits.

Here's that Skarrsgard guy honoring Carey Mulligan. Skarrsgard will always be the the scumbag friend of Marky Mark in the movie "Fear" with Reese Witherspoon. He's all grown up now.

Oprah! Who else could honor the girl from Precious. Oprah jumped all over this movie but only AFTER it was made. Awww, Gaby is crying...nice tribute Oprah! Now back to the Oscars.

Stanley Tucci gets Meryl Streep. I forgot they were in "Devil Wears Prada" together. I like his sense of humor.

Here's recently divorced Sean Penn....one of my favorites. Not sure where he was going with that little Academy speech.

Its Meryl or Sandra...and the winner is...

Sandra Bullock...hmmm, not sure how I feel about that. Good for her I guess. Looked like she was going to hug Meryl but Meryl pushed her away in a loving way. She's doing the "thank the other nominee thing" that Michael Caine did a few years ago. She better hurry up though with all of these people to thank...its pushing midnight here.

Sandra Bullock is now the first actress to win a Razzie (worst performance in a film with All About Steve) and an Oscar in the same year too.

Hey its Jesse James!

Best Actor

2010-03-07T23:24:00.003-05:00

They're bringing out former coworkers to pay tribute to the five nominees. Let's see who they are.

1.) Michelle Pfieffer - tells a story about Jeff Bridges in "The Faboulous Baker Boys". I never understood that movie. She's going on for awhile here...too many cliches.

2.) Vera wahtshername - Hmmmm...she's trying to crack a joke but getting little response. Ugh, these tributes are going on too long.

3.) Julianne Moore - she talks up Colin Firth in A Simple Man. I see what they're trying to do here....tell some nice stories about the nominee....but it sounds like a speech a co-worker would give when their boss is about to retire

4.) Tim Robbins - Nice! Some Shawshank Redemption stories. Good story....good joke there. Very nice tribute there! Good job Tim.

5.) Colin Ferral - Colin roasts his friend, at least I hope he's his friend...they seem like cool guys.

And here's Kate...all Britishy to name the winner. It should be Jeff Bridges.

And the winner is Jeff Bridges...niiiice! He's been acting for almost 40 years but he looks great. Nice shout out to Mom and Dad....uh-oh, don't break down here...he's got the choked up laughs going. Haha, I like his looseness here....he seems a bit stoned maybe? He is "the Dude" after all and I think tonight, "The Dude obliges".

I wish they'd bring out Kathy Ireland to do this.

Avatar

2010-03-07T23:18:00.002-05:00

Kathy Bates pops up to talk up Avatar. I always liked Kathy Bates...she didnt' get famous until her 40's.

Avatar was a great movie too. Its weird seeing it in 2D with these clips.

Another commercial break???

Best Foriegn Film

2010-03-07T23:10:00.003-05:00

Alec and Steve appear together for the first time in a bit (on stage at least) to present Tarentino and Pedro to present best foriegn film. What's up with all of the lamps around them?

I'll admit, I'm starting to slowly fade here...need some juice to spruce the awards up here. Let's get to the Actor/Actress/Director/Best Picture Awards already!

The winner is the Argentian film...At first it seems one guy is coming up but a whole swarm of people appear. Only one Oscar for all those people? Uh-oh, he's going to get played off...hurry!

James Cameron is not amused.

The Hurt Locker

2010-03-07T23:09:00.001-05:00

Neo introduces The Hurt Locker. I saw this before Avatar so Avatar is a little more fresh but these clips remind me of how great this movie was. SEE THIS MOVIE.

Big awards coming up!

Best Editor

2010-03-07T23:05:00.002-05:00

Tyler Perry makes a few jokes about editing. He's asking for a closeup but the camera seems to stay in one place. His jokes are dumb but it looks like he's having fun out there.

The editing award goes to Hurt Locker...hmmm momentum swings back to The Hurt Locker? Avatar seems to be winning the awards that it doesn't compete against The Hurt Locker with while the Hurt Locker are winning the head to head battles with Avatar.

Best Documentary

2010-03-07T22:58:00.003-05:00

Its Alec (haven't seen the hosts in awhile) and here's Matt Damon to present the documentary feature.

A few of these I want to see. The Cove was about how dolphins are apparently killed for meat to sell to people. Food Inc. is about the food industry.

The Cove should win here...it looks gritty. Food Inc. has been done before (it stars the actor Two Face from The Dark Knight, Aaron Eckhart) but I can't remember the movie at the moment.

The Cove wins as it should, I had never heard of this topic before. Fisher Stevens? He used to be married to Kirstie Allen if that's the same guy who I'm thinking of...this was 15 years ago.

I wish they didn't play them off. Their movie raised a lot of awareness.

Up In The Air

2010-03-07T22:56:00.001-05:00

Jason Batemen gets to talk about Up In The Air. Good to see Jason Batemen back in the limelight. Its been a long hard journey all the way back Teen Wolf 2.

Up In The Air was just an okay movie to me. A little overrated with a twist I caught near the beginning of the movie if you think about it.

Visual Effects

2010-03-07T22:54:00.003-05:00

Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper, two of the newer leading men in Hollywood, get the honor of presenting the award for Special Effects. Last chance for District 9 to win something (they won't win best picture) but Avatar has to take this...right?

Yup, Avatar wins. These guys must feel relieved...they worked on this film for years to get it made. Good for them. All the guys who win for Avatar thanks Cameron as if he'll hurt them if they don't.

Hmmm...Avatar has the momentum again here.

Best Score

2010-03-07T22:45:00.002-05:00

J-Lo and the guy from Avatar and Terminator Salvation present the best score

J-Lo looks pretty much the same she did 10 years ago...but she needs a hit (song or movie) to be relevent a few years from now.

Uh-oh...abstract dancing. Will Doogie Hauser make another appearance here? Borrrring. I like the guy doing the robot though...or is he miming? I forget the difference.

This has ground the show to a halt...I mean the dancing is great but it seems to have more purpose at the Grammys. They get a semi standing ovation at least.

And Up wins for the best score...good for them. The guy seems confused where to go up the stairs and he almost steps on J-Lo's dress. Oh boy, this guy has a speech all set...but I like it.

Please let's get the show going again.

People who have died

2010-03-07T22:37:00.002-05:00

C'mon Demi get out there. Oooo!!! My favorite part. Seeing what actors you recognize that have passed away. Let's see who gets the biggest applause. Quick notes.

James Taylor sings a Beatles song?

Patrick Swayze...oooo...almost forgot about him. You're like the wind PS!

Jean Simmons...not the Kiss singer, it was a lady.

David Carradine...he wins the award for weirdest death this year. Strangling yourself while masturbating.

Dom Deluise!!! He was in a ton of game shows.

Ron Silver...lots of bad guy roles like Blue Steele

Brittany Murphy...way too young. Farewell Luanne from King Of The Hill.

Roy Disney - Walt Disney's son I think.

Michael Jackson - One real movie to his credit, "The Wiz", but enough to warrant a mention I guess...unless movies surface with him playing little boys...Boo-Yah!

Natasha Richardson - This was the saddest of them all...Liam Neeson's wife. She died after banging her head skiing. Always wear a helmet!

Cinematography

2010-03-07T22:34:00.002-05:00

Hey, a "V" preview!

Anyway, back to show and here's Sandra "Sandy" Bullock to present best cinematographer. I like how she said that they're referenced as the "DP"...insert X-rated joke here.

Sandy does a good job of presenting these foreign sounding names. She blows through them really fast. Looks like she wants to sit back down quickly.

The winner is Avatar and the guy throws a shout to Italy. James Cameron's wife looks way to skinny. Its never good when you can see your chest bones.

Inglorious Basterds

2010-03-07T22:29:00.001-05:00

John Travolta appears in public for the first time since his son died (at least I think so) to talk up Inglorious Basterds. This was a great movie...only movie of the other 8 that has a chance to beat Avatar or The Hurt Locker.

Science Awards

2010-03-07T22:28:00.002-05:00

Elizabeth Banks? What good movie has she ever been in? Of course they give her bad material to work with but she's used to that...bah-Dum-Dum.

Are they playing her off? Oh, that's the just music to show who won for that goofy award show.

Nice job Elizabeth...see you in your next bad movie...or skin flick?

Sound Mixing

2010-03-07T22:26:00.001-05:00

More Anna and Zach...its pretty much the same nominees except you swap Up for Transformers.

Hmmmm...The Hurt Locker wins again. I would have thought Avatar would have won awards like this but who knows. Maybe the Hurt Locker is starting a major run here.

Now why does the guy who just spoke steal air time from this other guy. Oh well...

Sound Mixing

2010-03-07T22:23:00.002-05:00

Morgan Freeman's voice of God appears to show how sound mixing works...um, they do this EVERY FREAKING YEAR. It just takes up time. Not sure who walks out of a theater and goes..."DAMN, did you hear that sound editing?!?"

Crowd goes crazy for all the nominees...I like that.

The winner is The Hurt Locker which makes sense since its full of bullets and explosions.

Whoa! This guy looks like a vampire. Love how he's still trying to look young with the wispy long greying hair.

Horror Tribute 2

2010-03-07T22:18:00.002-05:00

I bet most Twihards are creaming in there pants right now seeing these two together.

Yes, I love Kristen Stewart's throat clear. Let's check this horror tribute out.

Jaws, Nightmare on Elm Street, Child's Play, Poltergeist, Psycho, The Shining, Scream, Hellraiser, Saw, Aliens, The Leapruchaun (with Jenifer Aniston!), Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, The Ring, Misery, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane, Dracula, Frankenstein (both versions), Beetlejuice, Sleepy Hallow, Dracula (both versions), Little Shop Of Horrors, Twilight (c'mon...ugh), The Sixth Sense, Alien, Carrie, The Blob (1988 version!), The Omen, Silence Of The Lambs.

Cool stuff! BUT WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS OTHER THAN TO SEE THE TWILIGHT ACTORS?!?

Tribute to Horror Movies

2010-03-07T22:17:00.003-05:00

Steve and Alec do a shout out to the band conductors and then a Paranormal Activity spoof. Not too bad...but was that it?

Precious

2010-03-07T22:12:00.003-05:00

Where have you been Charlize? She still looks pretty tasty. She hasn't been in too much since she won the academy award but she did win so she gets to present something every now and then.

Where's the tribute to horror they talked about earlier...let's go.

Costume Design

2010-03-07T22:08:00.002-05:00

Hopefully SJP will anot dominate the conversation. She sort of does by getting to read the award.

SJP is slowly falling apart. She needs to do something like Cameron Diaz did to look good again. I mentioned it before but SJP is starting to look like the wolf in the American Werewolf In London....yes or no?

Best Art Direction

2010-03-07T22:05:00.003-05:00

Ellen Ripley comes on to talk about Aliens and goes right into Art Direction. I have no idea what this category is about but it seems about set design and things to make the movie look like a movie.

The winner is...Avatar. I guess that's not a surprise. Ellen Ripley almost breaks down there for a sec. Again, it takes forever for these guys to reach the stage. Strange...three guys get the Oscar but four guys come on stage. Not so fast there guy standing in the shadows next to Sigorney Weaver.

Nice speech here...well any speech will be nice when a guy talks about how he nearly died.

An Education

2010-03-07T22:01:00.002-05:00

Hello Colin Firth. He seems to be a lot of good movies but most of them are British (like Bridget Jones Diary) so they're a little stuffy for me.

I heard An Education was good but it seems a bit too stodgy. We'll see...

Oh no...Sarah Jessica Parker...shoot me now!!!

Best Supporting Actress

2010-03-07T21:55:00.002-05:00

Robin Williams is here only because Heath Ledger passed away (usually the prior year's winner presents the award). Nice low brow balls joke there Robin...c'mon man, you're more sophisticated than that.

Mo'Nique will probably win this hands down but maybe Anna can pull this out. She was very good in Up In The Air. I need to see Precious because I heard Mo'Nique's character was just pure evil and that's the sign of a great performance.

And the winner is...Maggie Gyllenhaal! Just kidding...its Mo'Nique. If anybody is going to cry and get all serious its her. The crowd seems to love her.

I like how she thanked her attorney. Mo'Nique supposedly has an open marriage with her husband. I think I just saw him wink at Cameron Diaz.

Queen Latifah

2010-03-07T21:52:00.003-05:00

I can't put my finger on it but I can't figure out why Queen Latifah annoys me a little bit.

She's plugging another awards ceremony where everybody seems to laugh really hard at everything everybody says.

This awards show seems a lot more fun than the Oscars themselves.

Love Queen's fake laugh coming out of the clip.

C'mon...stand up for Lauren BaCall! She was married to Humphrey Bogart! Penelope Cruz looks begrudgingly annoyed that she has to get up.

Best Adapted Screenplay

2010-03-07T21:48:00.002-05:00

I love Rachel McAdams. Here she's with Jake Gyllenhaal presenting best Adapted Screenplay.

Its Up In The Air to lose but I hope District 9 somehow pulls it off...c'mon!

And in a bit of an upset, Precious wins...at least I think its an upset. This guy looks like a young Sidney Poitier. Here comes the waterworks.

Pull yourself together man...this is your moment. I haven't heard anyone sigh this much since Tiger's speech a couple of weeks ago. He's speaking in abstract phrases.

Im glad they didn't have to play him off. That would have been awkward.

Nice cutaway to Morgan Freeman...hmmm, why did that do THAT?

I love Steve Martin.

A Serious Man

2010-03-07T21:43:00.002-05:00

...or the the worst of the 10 movies being nominated. I wasted $5.95 on PPV to watch this dreck. No plot and just plain boring. There are some decent parts but it doesn't compare to the other 9 films.

Coming up next...Mo'Nique wins her award and the betting begins to see if she'll break down on stage.

Ben Stiller and Best Makeup

2010-03-07T21:38:00.003-05:00

Ben Stiller comes out dressed as one of the characters in Avatar. I like the shot of Cameron laughing.

Good bit here. Stiller can be annoying sometimes but this is great. Love the eyes.

The category is makeup...Avatar can't be nominated since a lot of it was CGI so this is sort of the runner up category.

Star Trek gets a win..good for them. Probably the best overall summer popcorn flick of 2009.

They're taking too much time to get to the stage...probably have less than a minute to talk. No way all three get to talk here. The woman takes up all the time but love the "Happy Anniversary baby" shout out...how nice.

Live Action Short Film

2010-03-07T21:36:00.002-05:00

Another category I don't follow..at least they're banging them out real quick. The guy who won is talking to slow...hurry up! The poor old guy next to you won't be able to say anything.

You idiot!!! You didn't let that old guy get the chance to talk!!! DAMN IT.

Best Documentary Short

2010-03-07T21:33:00.002-05:00

Again, haven't seen these films but the titles seem intriguing. And the winner is Prudence. The director seems to be sitting in the back row! Another guy who won't have time to speak.

Whoa, who's the lady that just bullyed her way in there? Nice job, lady...you just screwed up your partner's and your own moment. What a bitch!

Short Film

2010-03-07T21:28:00.003-05:00

If the new Uhura's dress on backwards? She's wearing it like a hospital gown on the wrong way.

Taylor Hackford did one of the most underrated movies of the 90's...The Devil's Advocate...and I curse at him for making Jamie Foxx a big enough actor star to think he could make decent songs.

Some random clips here and talks by big name directors. Not sure why they're mixing in feature length films with short films.

Ok then!

Haven't seen any of these movies...and the winner is Logorama. Neat concept there. This guy better hurry his speech since he's small potatoes compared to other people there. Asking for applause is a little desparate but hey, this his once in a lifetime moment.

All Things Pop Culture

The History Of Movies From A to Z - A.I. (Artificial Intelligence)

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Fryin' Brian

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "1408"

Feel Good Friday Music Video

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 18 - "Voices That Care" By THE MOST RANDOM ASSEMBLY OF PEOPLE ANYWHERE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Jay Decay

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "500 Days Of Summer"

Birthdays...

Feel Good Friday Music Video

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "The 40 Year Old Virgin"

Classic 1980's Cartoons - Inhumanoids

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Art Apart

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "28 Weeks Later"

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 19 - "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head

Bad Shellfish

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Day - "Drunk Ken"

The History of Movies from A to Z - "28 Days Later"

Hidden Gem

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 20 - "Big Love" by Fleetwood Mac

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "25th Hour"

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 21 - "Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "16 Blocks"

The Greatest Drum Fill In Music History...

The History Of Movies from A - Z - "12 Monkeys"

Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 22 - "Touch Of Grey" by The Grateful Dead

Bruce Springsteen Workout Video

Happy 4th Of July!

Top 30 All Time Video Countdown - Number 23 "High Hopes" by Pink Floyd

Top 30 All Time Video Countdown - Number 24 "Wrapped Around Your Finger" by The Police

Top 30 All Time Video Countdown - Number 25 "Making Love Out Of Nothing At All" by Air Supply

Completely Biased List of The Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 26- "Step By Step" by The New Kids On The Block

Completely Biased List of The Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 27 - "I Stay Away" by Alice In Chains

Clarence Clemons

Completely Biased List of The Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 28 - Tell Her About It by Billy Joel

Completely Biased List of The Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 29 - Drive by The Cars

Top 30 Videos Of All Time - Number 30 - "Wynona's Big Brown Beaver"

Feeling Good For A Tuesday...

"Walk Of Life" - Dire Straits

CONTRUX!!!

Grown Men Crying

Movie Review - The Fighter

Happy...er...Holidays?

The Old Heave Ho

The Most Intense Candy Bar Commercial Ever?

New American Idol Judge Steven Tyler

Sizzler

Goodbye David Hasselhoff

Butter!!! (1980's Style)

Top 5 Hall and Oates Songs

Oregon Trail - NFL Style

Dancing Ninjas

Classic Cartoons - Voltron

1988 World Series Game 1 - RBI Baseball Style

How To Pick Up Another Man's Wife

Running The Bases At A Blazing Speed

The Auto Tuner

When Fireworks Go Wrong

Prank Call Of The Weekend - Casey Kasem calls a Chinese Restaurant

All Time Favorite Songs - Save A Prayer

Classic Commercials - Apex Tech

The Voice Of God vs. The Scary Preacher Guy in Poltergeist 2

How Hard Was This??? Live Aid Elton John

Movie Review - Orphan

TGIF

The REAL Tiger Woods 2010 Masters Comeback Commercial

Things That Scared The Crap Out Of Me Growing Up - The Twilight Zone Intro

Corey Haim's Greatest Role - "Blown Away"

Classic Commercials - Drinking And Driving Can Kill A Friendship

Best Picture

Best Director

Best Actress

Best Actor

Avatar

Best Foriegn Film

The Hurt Locker

Best Editor

Best Documentary

Up In The Air

Visual Effects