Classic Toys - Lite Brite

I didn't have this toy but had friends who did.  I'm glad I didn't.  I would have never had the patience to make anything of note.  I mean, just look at the commercial.  All of the ones they show are already made...and some of them look pretty damn complicated.  How many pieces are laying on the ground?  This had to be for ages 8 and up right?  I'd also put a "do not use if you have pets" disclaimer as well.  This personifies what a choking hazard is.  Anyway, check this out...



Some quick notes:

1.) Who doesn't love that song.  I probably was humming this little ditty and "We Are The World" back in 1985.

2.) Freeze frame at that the 2 second mark and take a look at that horse.  Not only is it just a horse, its a carousel horse with about 300 different colors.  How does one make this?  I would have probably lost half the pieces in a matter of days.

3.) 0:09 mark. There's only one thing that scares me more than actual clowns....clowns made on an old Lite Brite game.  Just take a look at that thing.  It's begging you to go to sleep so it can steal your soul.

4.) 0:14 mark.  Love that "GOOD NIGHT DAD" one.  Dad must have spend HOURS putting that together for those three words.  This is why texting was invented and needed.  Though it would be fun to have a lite bright just to spell out "I AM GAY" or "DAD I LOVE HOOKERS" and leave it by his bedside to see how he would react.

5.) 0:20 second mark.  I know its trademarked on the screen but how much did Milton Bradley have to pay Walt Disney to show the shot of Mickey Mouse?  Couldn't they have just showed a picture of a mouse with big ears and call it Mikey?

6.) Two crucial pieces of information.  "Light bulb not included" and "refills sold separately".

7.) 0:28. GAH!!! The soul sucking clown is back!

Top 5... Montages from 1980's Movies

Today's Top 5 is a little different.  You don't see it much anymore but back in the 80's pop music was a huge part of movies.  Sometimes you would here entire songs being played while the movie's plotlines would be advanced.  As I give you examples, you'll hopefully see what I'm talking about.


5.) "Hungry Eyes" - Dirty Dancing

First of all I love this song.  Excellent emotional chord changes during the verse parts of the song.  Combine that with Eric Carmen's emotive voice and you just feel Patrick Swayze's dance instructor bonding with Jennifer Grey's high school student character.  This would probably be considered very inappropriate in today's times but this was a 1980's movie about a summer in the 1950's (or was it 1960's?).  In any event, is Jennifer Grey wearing just a regular bra in the first part of this scene? I could NEVER be a dance instructor...I'd be fired for unnecessary touching after my first lesson if my students wore these skimpy outfits. Anyway, enjoy because this is the LAST time I'll ever mention Dirty Dancing on this website again.



4.) "I'm Into Something Good" - Naked Gun

This is actually a parody of movie montages in a way.  Or at least its a parody of the montages that showed two people falling in love.  I love this movie and this is probably the first song from the 1960's that I ever heard.  Love the squirting of the condiments all over the place and how can you not enjoy a slow motion clothesline of another couple when running along the beach. Please forgive the morbid "Leslie Nielsen Memoriam" thing at the start of the video.



3.) "Win In The End" - Teen Wolf

Another classic movie.  Here, they actually play the entire song.  This is some of the worst basketball editting you'll ever see but the music is inspiring.  Random side note...the pudgy white basketball player in this montage is the guy who yells "Its Enrico Pollatzo!!!" in the aforementioned "Naked Gun" baseball game scene.



5.) "The Best" - Karate Kid

The last two are a tough call. I'd going with "The Best" at number 2 only because I've seen number one many more times and it hits me more emotionally (Plus its a slightly more awesomely bad song).  Anyway, what's the easiest way to cut through the BS of the early rounds of a karate tournament?  Let's make a song about what people in a tournament try to be...THE BEST!  I love when the music kicks in (at the 0:22 mark) and the Elizabeth Shue in the background shrieks "you're the BEST!!!".  I'm getting pumped up typing this.  Some pretty good karate scenes here, it looks like they trained hard.




1.) "No Easy Way Out" Rocky IV

The first Rocky movie I ever saw was Rocky IV.  Not only did it teach me about roman numerals and that Russians are evil, the entire movie is a montage.  From the beginning of the movie with "Eye Of The Tiger", to "Hearts On Fire", to the wacky instrumental montage where Rocky yells DRAGOOOOO on the top of a mountain, this is basically an MTV movie.  Still, the montage to end all montages is "No Easy Way Out" by the importal Robert Tepper.  Because of this montage, I never needed to see the prior three movies.  While Rocky is zooming along in his fancy car you get to piece together three movies together out of a four minute sequence.  I could gather that Rocky really got his faced bashed up pretty good at the end of Rocky I, Adrian looked really meek and mild in the first two movies, Apollo was a jerk to Rocky but then they slow motion hugged it out on the beach somewhere, and that Rocky's trainer looked like the Penguin from the old Batman TV show but he died of a heart attack along the way.  Also, he fought Mr. T and got a better haircut as time went along.



Now THAT's how you do a montage.  Plus this song is just great to drive to.

Happy Labor Day weekend everybody...

The History of Movies From A-Z: "Cabin Fever"

This is a semi-regular piece where I review my DVD collection in alphabetical order. This will take me approximately 38 years to get through.  Today, I skip ahead a bit and review the schlocky horror classic "Cabin Fever"

* Where I bought this movie: Picked this one up in my Bayside Queens days circa 2003. I picked this one up at the local Best Buy.

* Why Own It?:  I had heard cool things about this movie in that it wasn't a run of the mill horror movie.  They were right.  Written and directed by Eli Roth when he was on his way to become the greatest horror director and writer for about 8 months, there was a lot of hype in the movie magazines I would read about it.  Plus, there was nudity and people's skin falling off....and gosh darn it, if you know me well, those are two things I love in movies.

This gives you a pretty good idea as to what to expect in this movie.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Twice (the last being in 2006)...but the movie moves pretty fast so its rewatchable.  I had sort of forgotten a lot of how the movie ended so I was sort of on the edge of my seat again.  Plus, the special effects are pretty gruesome. 

* Time collecting dust: 10 years.

* What I thought of the movie: A very good but not great horror movie.  I'd still recommend it.  There are super random scenes in the movie and it probably mixes sex and horror like no other movie had before and probably not much since.  You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it.  

Do NOT sit next to this kid.

*  And the cast:   Hmmm..well the biggest name in the movie that's held up is the older brother in that goofy show "Boy Meets World".  Rider Strong is his name I believe.  What kind of name is that?  Is that his real name?  Anyway, the next biggest familar face is Eli Roth himself who has a long cameo.  Then you pretty much have a mix of somewhat familar faces in movies around the 1999-2004 era but nobody who has done anything of substance since.  The two girls in this movie are smoking hot though.

A rare happy moment in this movie. She's hot and he has hairy nipples.

Favorite Scenes:  1.)  Shaving the legs...OUCH 2.) The ending credits scene with everyone dancing around is awesome. 3.) The "I MADE IT...I F'CKING MADE IT scene"...not so fast. 4.) I don't want to ruin the surprise but the next time a guy is with his girlfriend in bed, you might want to make sure she didn't drink some water that could cause her skin to dissolve.  I'll leave it at that.

Recommended?:   Yes.  Its not a long movie so check it out if its on cable or you find it somewhere.

Girls with guns.

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity:  Yes, and its pretty good.  Let's just say there's a brunette and a blond.  The brunette has no issues about being nude (it happens two or three times).  The blond does not get nude but she looks extra pretty in a black bikini...Ugh, am I really almost 36 years old? I sound scary.

Previous Movie: The Abyss

     Next Movie: ???

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Handy Randy

This Garbage Pail Kid caught my eye...Handy Randy.  First of all, the name Randy is a keeper.  Plus its an adjective for being horny made famous by Austin Powers.  I like that for some reason.  And of course "Handy" can mean many things in today's society.  So does Handy Randy convey an image of a sexually crazed person wanting to give handjobs?  No, but its one of the more strangely drawn ones.  Let's take a look...

It looks like Randy is missing all of his teeth because HE IS JAMMING HIS FINGERS INTO HOLES CARVED INTO HIS CHIN AND BRAIN.  Not too mention the scary tongue sticking out to the side ala Miley Cyrus.  I know my mind can go to random places but this has to be the mind of a super dark person.  Still, I can respect how they matched the artwork to the name.  Boy do I miss Garbage Pail Kids...

Top 5...Songs By George Michael

George Michael OWNED the latter part of the 1980's.  I guess he owned the middle part as well with Wham but he exploded into super stardom with the release of the Faith album in 1987.  That, and with the help of MTV, propelled him to the top of the music world.  Though he never quite matched his peak with the release of his next album (I forget its name but its the one with "Freedom 90'" on it.).  Anyway, I thought I'd pay tribute to the man with one of the coolest look of the 1980's...Mr. George Michael.

5.) Careless Whisper

Youthful George hanging onto a rope for some strange reason

         

Yes, its almost been overplayed over the years (but not as much as Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go) but when that saxophone riff kicks in in the beginning, its hard to turn it off. A song about having an affair that leads to the end of a relationship, I just liked the saxophone part and the weird synthesized background vocals (dah dahhh dah dahhhhh).  Throw in a little flamenco guitar, a brooding George Michael in the video, and you have a timeless song.  And like George Michael in this song, I too have no rhythm...though I don't have guilty feet.  Look for the longer extended version if you can find it for more saxophone.

4.) Monkey

George's fedora and suspenders look

Off the Faith album, this is probably the most "dance club" song on the album.  An excellent song to blast on the radio while you're driving to Boston (which I used to do a LOT), this song has almost held up over the years.  I was way off as to what this song was about when I first heard it.  My 9 year self thought he was singing about an annoying gorilla, but its apparent he's singing about his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend.  I do agree with George in that everyone has to ask their partner that question when in a new relationship..."do you love the monkey or do you love me?".  Well put George...well put.

3.) Everything She Wants

Bitter George

This brings us back to the Wham days again.  I just love the lyrics in this song.  As a kid, I thought that poor George Michael was trying to pull off a bank robbery (hence the "get the money, got to get the money" lines). Instead its HE that the money is being taken from.  An all time great bitter song full of excellent 1980's sounds as well as George's glorious falsetto high voice.  Another great hook for a chorus too with just gibberish sounds.  A line I love to use on my married friends as they begin to have children, "if my best isn't good enough, then how can it be good enough for two!!!". Sing it George!!!

2.) Freedom 90'

Oh those models...

George's last monster hit, the song itself was great, the video just made it better.  Look at all the models in it.  I wasn't sure if they were big at the time but you had Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell, among others.  Just a great club song, this was a staple on my mix tapes at any parties I would attempt to throw in college.  However, if you listen to lyrics, its George basically telling the story of his history and coming out and announcing he's gay at the end.  I love the subtleness of this and shows just how great of a sing writer he was.  One of these days, I will learn that opening riff on the piano.

1.) Father Figure

Iconic George

Perhaps the coolest and most perfectly put together song of the late 1980's.  From the beginning organ sound, to the figure snaps, to that glorious hi-hat.  Plus the way George sings the song...he's sounding extra sultry.  The video for it blew this song up though I always thought the model in it looked very mannish (foreshadowing perhaps?).  George has his shades and 5 O'clock shadow look down to perfection.  I also love this song because its the only song that has the phrase "Hungerford" on it.  Well, it sounds like it when he sings the lines "do you ever hungerrrr...hunger for me".  It sort of sounds like "Hungerford".

Honorable Mentions
Freedom (Wham's version)
Edge Of Heaven
Too Funky

Bottom 3
Last Christmas
Wake Me Up (Before You Go Go)
I Want Your Sex - Part 1 (Part 2 is actually pretty cool though if you can find it)

Top 5....Diff'rent Strokes Characters

This will be a new feature to the blog.  I will think of a random pop culture TV show, movie, band, or item and make a Top 5 about it.  I've gotten away from the randomness of the website so this is a better way to do it.  I begin with the Top 5 characters from the classic TV show "Diff'rent Strokes".



I sort of forgot that there is an apostrophe in the word "different" in the title.  My spell check is going to go berserk. Anyway, this show was about a lonely white rich man with an older daughter adopting two poor black kids from Harlem.  Did I mention that this concept would be sort of questionable in today's more PC times?  Either way, its a beloved show and there are have been some memorable moments and characters along the way.  Let's take a look at my Top 5 characters.

5.) Dudley

Dudley was Arnold's right hand man.  In fact, I think he was his only friend other than Willis (who didn't have any friends except for Janet Jackson and a young Andrew Dice Clay).  Anyway, Dudley was at the forefront of two episodes that I remember the most yet had absolutely no idea what was going on during the episode.  The first was when Arnold and Dudley smoke a cigarette for the first time and the second was the episode where a random bicycle owner attempts to plow Arnold and Dudley with alcohol and watch dirty cartoons with their shirts off.  Again, I was pretty lost watching these episodes.

4.) Arnold



Arnold was the central character in practically episode and I think he probably grated on my parents after awhile because he did get pretty annoying after awhile.  Then again, he coined the most popular phrase of the 1980's, "Wha-chu talkin' about (fill in the blank)".  As he got older he picked up another younger brother Sam (who I couldn't stand and is regarded as one of the worst characters in TV history) and stopped being the sole focal point.  Anyway, I did like him and he never not seemed to find a way to get into trouble.

3.) Kimberly



Kimberly was hot.  I didn't know it at the time but I could tell she was pretty.  Little did I know that the actress who played her, Dana Plato, was struggling big time with drugs.  Still, she got the job done and was in one of the more weird two part episodes when she and Arnold get kidnapped by a crazy guy.  Thankfully she was not hurt.  As the seasons went on, her character appeared less and less (damn you Sam and drugs I guess...but I blame Sam) but it was always a treat to see her pop in and say hello.

2.) Mr. Drummond



God Damn, I loved this guy.  He did the coolest thing in the opening credits when he opened and closed his hands around his eyes.  I have no idea what he did to get all that money to live that lifestyle he did but also adopt two kids.  He always had a nice demeanor, wore nice suits, and sometimes he'd wear track suits. Plus he was suave enough to bed Dixie Carter's character to get married again...unfortunately that led to Sam being added to the family (Damn you Sam!!!).  Also played by an actor with a super cool name...Conrad Bain.

1.) Pearl



Yes, the Drummonds had enough money to have a full time servant at their beck and call.  First was Mrs. Garrett, who went on to Facts Of Live...then Anabel, the old lady maid...and lastly there was Pearl.  Pearl made me laugh a lot.  I don't think I'd like her much now as she does too much to get a laugh but back then, I didn't need much. She was the main player behind the scenes, always making sure the kids were looked after while Mr. Drummond was away.  Of course she was probably privately seething in rage that she pretty much had to cook every meal and clean every part of the house for this ultra upper class guy.  Still, she got the most laughs from me...and laughter is important to a 7 year old.

Honorable Mentions:
Willis


Bottom 3
Sam
Sam's Mom
The "Child Molester" character.

Guilty Pleasure Song Friday - "So Many Men, So Little Time"

I LOVED this song as a kid.  Then it sort of slipped away into obscurity before hearing it a few years ago on an 80's station. Now it makes my normal rotation in my drive home from work singalong where I am the greatest lead singer of all time.  However, the video for this song is basically about a woman who risks getting AIDS by trying to sleep with as many men as possible.  When you hear that "TWENTY...THIRTY...FORTY!!!" part, that's the number of guys she banging.  I used it to learn my times ten tables.

If you though Olivia Newton John's "Physical" had a lot of shirtless men, then this is that video on steroids...literally for the some of the men in this video.

Still, I love this song.  It would make a great advertisement for a gay disco today.

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - "Cole Gate"

I'm not familiar with any Coles growing up in the 1980's.  Cole Hauser was an journeyman actor. Cole Trickle was the iconic race car driver in "Days Of Thunder".  But other than that, I didn't know of any Cole's. It does seem to be making a comeback the past few years so I chose Cole Gate as this week's Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week. And to not lose the joke, for those of you under the age of 25, Colgate was an actual toothpaste back in the day. Let's take a closer look.

Cole looks like he's all ready for bed and like every good little kid, he's brushing his teeth.  And what is using for tooth paste?  His own tongue juices....yummy!  Now I used to have a tongue scraper back in college.  If you've never tried it before, I recommend you taking the $2.99 it costs at CVS and check it out.  You will find things you ate from years ago...trust me.  Anyway, poor Cole looks like he's not in any pain like other Garbage Pail Kids, but does seem to leaking fluids from his nose and mouth.

Two other quick notes.  1.) I like the anchors on Cole's pajamas...nice touch there.  2.) The bath towel says GPK.  How nice of him to have an embroidered towel.

Classic 1980's Games - Simon

I didn't own a Simon game but at least one person in my 1st grade class did and man did we try to beat this thing.  Of course, I was 6 years old back then and my short term memory was worse than me today trying to remember things I said after a few beers.  This thing kicked my ass...it kicked everyone's ass.   I didn't know if you could beat it.  The stupid commercial that ran for it indicated that you could...and if you did...you get women.  Women with nice blond hair who wear terrible eye makeup and high collared shirts.  And they'd hold your jean jacket for you while you played.  Sadly, my childhood was not as awesome as it could have been and I blame you Simon for it...you son of a bitch.

Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 15 - "Talking In Your Sleep" by The Romantics

Has it really been almost 6 months since I wrote anything on here?  Work and free time has gotten the best of me but there's not a day that goes by where I tell myself..."THIS IS IT.  This is the day I will update my website with something extremely profound about the 1980's."  Then I get tired and end up watching Access Hollywood and terrible T.V. the rest of the night.  Hitting your mid 30's saps your ability to turn your creative mental-side into something productive like a vanity blog.

But I digress.  I will eventually finish this countdown...and in fact today we cross the halfway point.  So without further ado, I give you the Top 15 Completely Unbiased Music Video Of All Time..."Talking In Your Sleep" by The Romantics.

This was one of those songs you'd hear in the 80's that has that beat that sort of leaps out of you.  Its really just four parts.  The kicking drums, the bass line and guitar part that are in synch with each other, and then the guitar riff that plays over everything else.  That's pretty much it.  There's not even a guitar solo.  Still, you can't help but not tap your foot to it when it comes on.  The song almost sounds fresh if it came out today.

The video, however, shows that this song was CLEARLY from the 1980's.  Let's take a look.



0:00 - 0:11.  There's that iconic beat, bass line, and chunky guitar riff.  But who's looking at that when you are looking at a woman slowly disrobing.  I mean "slowly" as in slow motion...remember, this was pretty high tech in the 1980's.

0:12 - If you freeze it right, you can catch a bit of side boob.  Side boob is pretty common now on TV but in 1986?  This blew my then 9 year old mine.  It completely exploded during Elizabeth Shue's side boob in "Cocktail"...but I digress again.

0:16 - Oh boy, the greatest introduction ever to a two hit wonder band (they also did the popular "this will get them dancing silly" wedding song dirge "What I Like About You").  First you get them appearing in slow motion, then you get them appearing from the ground up (also high tech back then), and then you get the slow look away.  This is awesome. And the hair!  Look at that hair!

0:31 - I just love the lyrics of this song.  The guy is basically telling his girlfriends that he listens to them talk while sleeping to steal their secrets.  It's brilliant.  I hope he isn't drugging them though.

0:33 - Nice little group strut there.

0:44 - More slow motion of girls dressed in 1980's "sexy" lingerie which today is considered granny panties.

0:56 - One of my favorite all time shots.  Love how the band appears here.  The guitar player on the left is really working that simple riff.

1:00 - Watch the drummer accentuate those double drum beats. You don't see "drummer face" too much any more but this is a perfect example of it.

1:10 - The bass player pretty much sums up how I play bass.  Just bob your head and wish you could play electric guitar, drums, or sing like the other guys in the band.

1:25 - The guitar player gets his close up.  Super close up.  God, he looks like he's enjoying life. I relish him.

1:38 - 1:42 - Love the look by the drummer here.

1:55 - I forget about this part of the video...I didn't know who Marilyn Monroe was when I was a kid.  Even Elton John's "Candle In The Wind" went over my head.  I was like "who is Norma Jean?  Wait, is she Marilyn Monroe's alter ego? Found in the nude?  Who remembers that they sat in 22nd row of a concert?".  Again, I digress...

2:08 - This is a great setup for the band.  Why bands don't do this live is beyond me.

2:13 - More drummer face.

2:15 - More bass player head bobbing.

2:38 - I never realized he singer has the Billy Joel hair from "The Nylon Curtain/An Innocent Man" time frame.    

3:03 - One last dose of drummer face and more band closeups.

3:36 - end:  The singer gets in the face of the one woman and hopefully brushed his teeth before the shot.  I mean, he gets really close.  The last shot is pretty much all of the extras finally able to stretch their arms.

So all in all, the video still sort of holds up.  At the very least, its a snapshot in time when wearing leather was trendy.

Classic games for the Personal Computer

Who didn't love 8 bit graphic computer games as a kid.  I sure know I did.  Yes Nintendo and Sega Genesis were great and easy to use but if you had a solid game for your PC computer, you knew you were in for the best home video game experience EVER.  Here's my list of the top 10 computer games ever.  I'm going prior to 1999 and the PlayStation explosion.


10.) Oregon Trail - The game that taught me about dysentery and cholera.  Most people had this game or played it in elementary school. It was a pretty hard game to win, especially when trying to navigate with no food and theives ran off with your clothing. Some of the terminology in this game described my way off life senior year of college (grueling pace with bare bones rations). Very rudimentary graphics but I always got a morbid kick at seeing friends die.

Best Part: Seeing something like "Cousin Mike has a broken leg"
Worst part: Whenever you tipped over while trying the ford the river or caulk the wagon.


9.) Who Wants To Be A Millionaire - There was one night when I lived in Boston that a friend and I tried to beat the game and we used another friend on Long Island to help us out via a "phone a friend" feature. I think the $1,000,000 question asked who the purple teletubby was. All in all, a fun game to play and Regis Philbin was there to ask all the questions. Regis is my number 3 all time video game announcer behind Verne Lundquist in NBA Live 98' and Vin Scully in MLB 99'.

Best Part: The scary goofy music.
Worst Part: When you ask the audience and they give you the wrong answer...damn them!!!

8.) Shuffle Puck - An Apple 2 GS staple...the type of computer where you'd put a 3x5 disc into it. I can't remember all the characters but there was the really big fat guy with an evil laugh and an alien. I was terrible at this game.

Best Part: All of odd looking characters and their random catch phrases.
Worst Part: Losing almost every time I played this game.

7.) Mean 18 - I had this for my old Mac Plus (with a state of the art 5 inch black and white screen at the time). There was only one course but you could also design your own holes. I think my friends and I would play for skins here using real money even though we were only 13 or 14 years old.

Best Part: Its golf! On a computer!
Worst Part: The graphics looked like an 18 month old threw up onto a white paper plate.

6.) PGA Tour Golf -  Since this was on a PC and could hold a little more memory, this was one of the first sports games with a real announcer. I don't think you ever saw a golfer, just your shots. The best part was when the announcer would whisper "this putt...will break slightly to the RIGHT". I think you could play 4 round tournaments but that was it. It featured cutshots using classic videos of golfers.  The best was Craig Stadler on his knees on a blanket hitting a shot underneath a tree. That shot is illegal by the way.

Best Part: The whispering voice.
Worst Part: The putting was nearly impossible.

5.) Phantasmagoria- I'm not sure if anybody else had heard of this game and its sequel but it was about a couple moving into a haunted house and the husband going absolutely crazy and trying to murder you. It featured real actors from TV and there was brutal violence, gore, and even a rape scene. Yes, your husband rapes you during the game during a cut scene and there's nothing you could do about it.  There's also a scene when the main character's (the wife) face literally gets ripped apart. The sequel was even more weird involving S&M clubs, aliens, and even more violence. Ironically, I loved these type of games.

Best Part: Getting revenge on the demon that possessed your husband.
Worst Part: Getting raped.

4.) Murder In The 1st - This was another one of those games featuring real actors using green screen and not the more common computer generated character. This was in the "choose your own adventure" style but instead you play as a lawyer. A hard game to beat as the witnesses always clammed up if you asked the wrong questions. Some of the acting and cut scenes are just terrible but winning this game by getting a first degree murder conviction was the most satisfying thing I've ever accomplished in life just behind getting married.

Best Part: When the jury foreman says "we find the defendent, James Tobin, guilty as charged.  Murder in the first degree".

Worst Part: When the guy who worked with the accused murderer gets nervous when you start intimidating him. He goes ballistic and calls you an asshole.

3.) The Beast Within - Gabriel Knight 2 - Another stop motion game about werewolves infesting a small town in Germany. You play as a detective trying to find out why children are disappearing  Spread out over 6 discs, it was only like playing in a real movie. Plagued with bad acting, it had a really good story. Also featured lots of violence and gore.

Best part: Any werewolf scene was awesome but it took forever to get there.
Worst Part: This game took months to complete.

2.) Ripper - The only computer game to feature Christopher Walken, Jimmie Walker, Ossie Davis, the fat indian guy from the Indian Jones movies, and Karen Allen in the same game. The only game on this list I couldn't finish because there was one puzzle I couldn't figure out even with a cheat guide. The story played out as you being a detective for a murder but involves then budding virtual reality parts and impossible puzzle solving. I wish I could see Christopher Walken's bad line reading again.

Best Part: Christopher Walken in a video game?
Worst Part: You literally can't win the game.

1.) Red Alert - Command and Conquer. Possible the greatest game ever made (including the PS3 and XBox era). I would miss meals and spend hours on a single mission. The best was linking my campaign to my college roommates together (very old school considering it was 1999) to fight missions against each other. The connection always broke after 10 minutes though. Great cut scenes...the girl who tried to help you was crazy, dogs were vicious, and you always wanted to have at least 4 tesla coils guarding your base.

Best Part: The voices in the game are still ones I use to this day. "Engineering", "Building..." "Noooooo!!!!", "Repairing" "Affirmative"

Worst Part:  It literally could take hours up on hours in a single session to build up enough man power to win a mission.

Honorable mentions - Space Quest 2, Zany Golf, Jeopardy, Goldrush, Blade Runner, Tender Loving Care, and Microsoft Golf.

The History Of Movies from A-Z: The Abyss

This is a semi-regular piece where I review my DVD collection in alphabetical order.    

This will take me approximately 38 years to get through.  Today, we look at The Abyss.

Where I bought this movie: Picked this one up in my Boston days.  Its one of those rare double DVD’s that came in a twice the width box.   What a waste of space.

* Why Own It?: This was James Cameron’s first attempt at showing his love affair of the ocean and what lies beneath (the second being Titanic).  Besides hearing it has a decent story, it was mainly for the cool sequence at the end where the water alien creatures take the shape of the crew’s faces.  I’m reading this last line back to myself and its no wonder cocaine was HUGE in the 80’s with screen writers coming up with ideas like that.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Twice (the last being in 2004), but the movie is so long that I forgot a lot of the minor details and subplots…which are actually pretty good.

* Time collecting dust: 12 years.

* What I thought of the movie: A very very good movie.  I don’t know what to call it…it’s a drama, but based on science fiction, so it’s a sci-fi drama I guess.  Since almost the entire movie takes place under water, it’s amazing how they filmed a lot of it.  It does make you think...the ocean is a HUGE untapped area so why not assume there are some alien creatures watching us from the deep below.  Of course all they see us doing is dropping bombs on each other so they decide to drop a few tidal waves around the Earth.

And the cast:   Great cast here.  Ed Harris is in his cranky prime as the leader of the crew trapped below.  Just a great performance (though his name Bud is a little corny).  Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio (too long of a name if you ask me) is good too as the love interest and does her best to act like another James Cameron mainstay, Ellen Ripley from Aliens.  My favorite though is Michael Biehn (Kyle Reese in Terminator).  I love this guy and the character he plays (a guy slowly going insane) is awesome.  I’m a sucker for guys who slowly become ill or go insane and he pulls it off convincingly. There are some other memorable minor characters as well but those are the people you’d know.

Favorite Scenes:  1.)  Michael Biehn’s death scene (lots of pressure down there in the bottom of the ocean). 2.) The gooey pink liquid that Ed Harris has to ingest so he can breathe underwater.  3.) The entire CPR scene where Ed Harris tries to save his ex-wife…its riveting and I almost…ALMOST shed a tear.

Recommended?:   Yes.  This is James Cameron’s underrated movie.  Yes, it’s long but it’s worth the payoff at the end.  The special effects are very good and you can see some primitive ideas that he used later in Terminator 2 and The Titanic. 

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity:  Yes, but it’s not very titillating.  You get to see Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio’s boobs but it’s only because they are trying to shock her back to life after she nearly drowns.  She has nice cold looking boobs though.

Previous Movie: A.I.

     Next Movie:  Adventureland

Terrible Songs To Blast At Full Volume While Driving Home From Work On A Friday - "Love Takes Time" by Mariah Carey

Its Friday and who doesn't get that extra adrenaline surge when they're driving that first mile from work...maybe going straight home, or maybe going a happy hour?  It's a great feeling and sometimes that feeling can be enhanced by a great song on the radio...a horribly great song.  This semi-regular Friday column talks about some of the songs that I have enjoyed at a very loud volume, sometimes even singing along to, during these drives. First up, "Love Takes Time" by Mariah Carey.

Mariah Carey has had two musical styles to her career.  There was the balladry pop side of Mariah which was from 1991-1996 ("Vision Of Love", "Emotions", and the entire "Unplugged" CD.  Then there was her urban side from 1997 and beyond (songs like "Honey". "Butterfly", "Dreamlover").  I'm a HUGE fan of the early days (ANYTIME YOU NEED A FRIEND...I WILL...BE HEEEEEEEEERE!!!) and this song is no exception.  I give you the brilliant "Love Takes Time".

I'm not going to do a running timecode commentary for these but instead, you should just let the music play for your enjoyment....at full volume.

Part that gives me those extra special douche chills: the first time Mariah hits that chorus at the 0:46 mark....mmmmmmm.

Enjoy the weekend everybody.

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Sidney Kidney

This week's honorary Garbage Pail Kid is a pretty random one.  It's Sidney Kidney.  What's odd is that Garbage Pail Kids were mainly targeted at 8-12 years old.  How many 8-12 year olds know what a kidney is?  I know I sure didn't.  I knew two things about kidneys as a kid and they weren't about the vital internal organ....1.) I hated kidney beans and 2.) I loved when a boxer gave another boxer a "kidney shot".  That sounded awesome.

Anyway, lets take a look at this card.

So it appears that Sidney has filled his diaper with a sizable amount of urine and he still has to relieve himself.  Sidney does not appear to be aware that the bathroom door is double bolted shut.  We've all been there before having to go the bathroom so I feel for the little guy.  This is probably one of the more graphic depictions of a Garbage Pail Kid...but isn't that what made them so awesome?

Classic Commercials - Trump Castle Hotel and Casino

As I get older, a casino to me becomes less about gambling and more and more about just getting away to a place where you can forget about the daily rigors of life for a little while.  So its ironic that there's a commercial I remember from the 1980's that is trying to give me exactly what I'm looking for now.  Folks, I give you this classic ad for Donald Trump's Atlantic City Hotel.



0:00 - YES!  I love the fake British accented woman talking over a horse and carriage pulling up to a casino.  EVERYONE is treated like a King...just like they were in the 8th century!

0:05 - There are hooks and then there are HOOKS.  "You're the kiiiiiiing, you're the king of the caaa-sillllll!".

0:08 - The logo of Trump's casino is right out of an episode of Knight Rider.

0:10 - Some quick hits here.  Love the long shot...are those tennis courts next to the hotel?  Love the guy in a classic tuxedo.

0:13 - What kind of show is this? Love the guys in white with their leg kicks.

0:16 - There she is...I hope she got major royalties for this commercial.  If there was a system where someone makes a few cents every time someone sings this song to themselves (like I have many times), this lady would not being performing in the casino, she would be owning a casino.

0:19 - HOLY SH*T...Free indoor parking! Love how it blinks too.

0:23 - Our friendly King from the Rennaisance agrees that this is truly a castle.

0:27 - Nice! They have slutty waitresses there...you're damn right I'm the King sweet cheeks.

Oddly enough, this hotel and casino are still there but have been completely dwarfed by other hotels that have been built in the past 10 years.

The Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time - Number 17 - "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner

OK, full disclosure....my life has been very hectic lately.  Between work being extra busy, including an office relocation, and not being around much on the weekends, I've let this website slack worse than ever.  If there's one think I can't stand more than anything else...its slackers (Thank you Principal Strickland).  Anyway, my goal is to update the site at least 20 times a month.  I want to finish up the Top 30 Music Videos Of All Time, continue the A to Z Movie Reviews, and continue on with random things from the past. I'm loaded with ideas, I just have to put them on paper or in this case html web codex.  So without further ado...

"I Want To Know What Love Is" is a classic cheesy 1980's ballad by Foreigner.  Foreigner sort of gets lost in the annals of rock music.  They were sort of a bridge between Led Zeppelin and Def Leppard.  While they began in the late 1970's with some good rock songs like "Urgent", "Feels Like The First Time", and "Cold As Ice", they soon devolved into rock ballads including "I Don't Want To Live Without You" and my favorite Foreigner song and guilty pleasure "Waiting For A Girl Like You".

However, its "I Want To Know What Love Is" that makes the list today.  Its probably Foreigner's only video with any kind of budget.  The video only really has a two things that makes it stand out among its peer at the time and what they are...is simply AWESOME.  The two things are slow motion and looks of angst and sadness among the band members faces.  Let's take a look shall we?



0:00-0:12 Damn, do those keyboards and open cymbal crash hit you right away.  Anyway, we get our first look at Lou Graham, the lead singer of Foreigner.  He seems troubled by something and takes a very long blink.

0:13 - The guy in the blue shirt is Foreigner's other key member, Mick Jones.  He seems to be yelling at the engineer in the studio over something.

0:25 - I love how there are blinds in the studio.  But then its revealed that Mick is looking outside from a tall office building...now what recording studio is located 30 floors up in a major building?

0:34 - Mick looks fatigued.

0:43 - Love that dark chord over Lou's wail of a vocal...good stuff here.

0:50 - Like the imagery of the worker walking in slow motion with a beem on his shoulder.  Not sure what it means but Lou sings about the world being on his shoulder so who knows...

1:10 - As Lou sings about heartache and pain, we see this nice looking woman wake up and take a nice slow motion shower.  Sometimes, I wish I could shower in slow motion and enjoy it even more.

1:40 - Now we see a black lady working in a steamy area and walking down the street.  What is she up to?

1:56 - Uh-oh...Lou is PISSED.  Look at him on the phone.  The woman he's talking to doesn't seem to happy either.  Arguing in slow motion isn't fun either.

2:09 - Its the Foreigner bass player!  With an awesome slow motion bass face!

2:19 - Lou is in a car heading somewhere...pondering life's mysteries.

2:44 - Someone on a bus is excited about Foreigner playing somewhere.  I wouldn't think they had an urban following but good for them.  Actually it seems everyone on the bus is happy about Foreigner.  I think I know where this is all heading.

2:54 - I love this shot...its the band coming together in slow motion getting ready to record.  And there's the bus...the people on it are the choir.  And listen to their glorious voices!

3:06-3:07 - Either Lou Graham is nicest guy in the world or he's the biggest phony.  I love that expression on his face shaking hands.

3:14 - Mick Jones is thinking "DAMN, I didn't know we were going to have that many people here!"

3:16 - Lots of shaking hands.

3:26 - Uh-oh, here comes our shower girl wearing a nice beret.  Pretty soon she's running in slow motion.

3:45 - Its Foreigner featuring a choir.  Another great shot here.  Lou is great at really being able to open his mouth when he sings.

4:08 - Mick is pleased.

4:16 - There she is!  She made it....aww, Lou is looking up singing to her.

4:36 - Now that's a note.

4:42 - I love how she stumbles into the recording of the song.  If they could show Mick Jones here, he'd be SCREAMING at her for messing up the perfect vocal take.

4:45 - Awww, and they lived happily ever after.  Love the freeze frame the end.

I want to go out and give someone a hug right now...just look at the gambit of emotions in this video...

Classic Commercials - Crazy Calls For Your Answering Machine

Remember the days before voicemails?  When one would use a tape cassette to record someone leaving you a message on your answering machine.  My parents had a DIGITAL one (yeah, that's right) so you could actually record whatever you wanted to say.  Let's just say that my then 10 year voice was the cutest thing ever...then puberty hit and I was constantly reminded as to how terribly nasally my voice could be.

Anyway, the 1980's was commercialism at its peak so of course there was a company and product invented to jump all over the answering machine crazy...folks I give you "Crazy Calls".

I don't know anybody that used Crazy Calls but GOD DAMN if I didn't know all of the songs.  Let's take a look at their most famous advertisement and walk down memory lane.



Beginning to 0:12 -  First up is the classic "Boogie Woogie".  I'll admit, I don't remember this one at all.  It was done in a 1940's World War II girl troupe style and what then 10 year old kids cares about killing Nazis?  Not this one for sure.

0:13 - 0:20    Next up is the more memorable "Call Me If You Can-Can".  This song was all over 1980's and early 1990's commercials mainly due to the legendary Shopright grocery store using it for their ads.  Their add features cans of fruit doing the Rockets leg kick.  That was awesome...

0:21 - 0:27   Now we're getting a little serious with the Twilight Zone themed "Answering Machine Zone".  I love how they can't secure the rights to use the original Twilight Zone music so they use some weird bell-like keyborad sound with a Rod Serling imitator.  

0:27 - 0:34  This was one of my favorites.  They take that famous Beethoven song and just add the words "NOBODY'S HOOOOOME....NOBODY'S HOOOOOME".  Strangely, they couldn't come up with a witty pun sounding name for this one as its simply called "Beethoven's Fifth"....fifth what?

0:35 - end. Awwww sheeeet....here it is.  The Stairway To Heaven of answering machine messages.  Simply called "The Rap" because it is THE RAP to end all raps.  I wish the announcer guy didn't talk about most of the song but at least you get the best part...."ya gotta wait for the beep, ya gotta leave your name ya leave your number".  Complete with gang vocals!

Final Thoughts: So there are seven songs and we only got to hear five of them.  I'm dying to find out what the other two sound like.  Also, $14.95 for this??? That was a lot of money back then.  As a kid, I used the cost of Nintendo games to gauge if something was pricey or not.  Most Nintendo games were $29.99 so in my mind was this worth half a game?  I'd have to say yes with this one...

Lastly, I love the address.  A P.O. Box somewhere in "Midtown Station" in New York City.  Sounds more like some guys basement than anything else.

They don't make these commercials like they used to...unless you live in the New England region and get NESN.

Feel Good Almost Friday - "A Girl Like You" by Edwyn Collins

Crawling out of my cave for a quick minute to say hello.  Between work, issues with the town I live in, and an overall lack of time to do fun things like update this blog, I just haven't been able to post much.  To make matters a little more tricky, blogger.com has completely revised the way you compose posts and add pictures and video.  I don't like change (sorry Obama) so I'm adjusting to this slowly.
Anyway, with Friday almost here I thought I'd throw in a classic performance of a sort of hidden gem.  I remember around 1995, I'd hear this song that had some 1960's vibe (or maybe it was the tubular bell sound at the beginning of the song) but definitely had a 90's guitar sound.  The song? "A Girl Like You" but Edwyn Collins....no no no, NOT Edwin McCain, the singer of that terrible 90's song "I'll Be".

Anyway, I heard this song not too long ago and decided to see what the video for the song looked like.  Needless to say, it was classic mid 90's MTV video that was sort of cutting edge at the time but just looks like garbage now.  HOWEVER, due to the beauty of Youtube, I found a rare live version of the song from the Conan O'Brien Show.

Now I dabble in the bass guitar so I know a little bit about guitar effects.  This man puts on a CLINIC with what he does with the guitar here.  It's a simple riff and simple melody but the phased sound he gets out of the guitar PLUS a rare good use of the whammy bar takes this song over the top.

So for music nerds, enjoy.  For children of the 90's check out a young Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter. For me, I just love the awesome hand motions he makes while singing.



P.S.  Check out the gang vocals at the 2:57 mark.

Feel Good Friday Music Video - Right On Track by Breakfast Club

Friday is here...Spring is here. It's time to get "back on track" for the arrival of summer. This is a good place to start.



I'll admit...this song personifies the "great song but TERRIBLE video" adage that a lot of 80's acts had.

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Heavin' Steven

Haha, this is definitely a classic one. As all parents have seen, your kid, when sick, is capable of throwing up anything and its never pretty. They can't make it to the bathroom because they can't walk...and they have no concept of trying to vomit into some kind of container or receptable. Heck, they can't even cover their mouths with their hands.

In any event, our friend Steven seems to have been busy swallowing a block, a goldfish, and a toy truck. There's only so much a young digestive system can take.

Good stuff here...