The History Of Movies from A-Z: The Abyss

This is a semi-regular piece where I review my DVD collection in alphabetical order.    

This will take me approximately 38 years to get through.  Today, we look at The Abyss.

Where I bought this movie: Picked this one up in my Boston days.  Its one of those rare double DVD’s that came in a twice the width box.   What a waste of space.

* Why Own It?: This was James Cameron’s first attempt at showing his love affair of the ocean and what lies beneath (the second being Titanic).  Besides hearing it has a decent story, it was mainly for the cool sequence at the end where the water alien creatures take the shape of the crew’s faces.  I’m reading this last line back to myself and its no wonder cocaine was HUGE in the 80’s with screen writers coming up with ideas like that.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Twice (the last being in 2004), but the movie is so long that I forgot a lot of the minor details and subplots…which are actually pretty good.

* Time collecting dust: 12 years.

* What I thought of the movie: A very very good movie.  I don’t know what to call it…it’s a drama, but based on science fiction, so it’s a sci-fi drama I guess.  Since almost the entire movie takes place under water, it’s amazing how they filmed a lot of it.  It does make you think...the ocean is a HUGE untapped area so why not assume there are some alien creatures watching us from the deep below.  Of course all they see us doing is dropping bombs on each other so they decide to drop a few tidal waves around the Earth.

And the cast:   Great cast here.  Ed Harris is in his cranky prime as the leader of the crew trapped below.  Just a great performance (though his name Bud is a little corny).  Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio (too long of a name if you ask me) is good too as the love interest and does her best to act like another James Cameron mainstay, Ellen Ripley from Aliens.  My favorite though is Michael Biehn (Kyle Reese in Terminator).  I love this guy and the character he plays (a guy slowly going insane) is awesome.  I’m a sucker for guys who slowly become ill or go insane and he pulls it off convincingly. There are some other memorable minor characters as well but those are the people you’d know.

Favorite Scenes:  1.)  Michael Biehn’s death scene (lots of pressure down there in the bottom of the ocean). 2.) The gooey pink liquid that Ed Harris has to ingest so he can breathe underwater.  3.) The entire CPR scene where Ed Harris tries to save his ex-wife…its riveting and I almost…ALMOST shed a tear.

Recommended?:   Yes.  This is James Cameron’s underrated movie.  Yes, it’s long but it’s worth the payoff at the end.  The special effects are very good and you can see some primitive ideas that he used later in Terminator 2 and The Titanic. 

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity:  Yes, but it’s not very titillating.  You get to see Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio’s boobs but it’s only because they are trying to shock her back to life after she nearly drowns.  She has nice cold looking boobs though.

Previous Movie: A.I.

     Next Movie:  Adventureland

Movie Review - Orphan

Its been waaaaay too long since I posted something. Between my job (I need money to live) and personal stuff (this is where I talk about a fight I had with an major illness...but I really was just lazy), I had little time to devote to this site. That will hopefully change.

I'm going to change gears for a little while and focus on movie reviews. I'll still throw in other things but movies are easy to bang out. The movies being reviewed will be a mix of old and new. They will also NOT BE SPOILER FREE so if you haven't seen the movie being reviewed and want to see it DON'T READ THE REVIEW. First up...The Orphan.

Circumstances seeing this movie:
I saw this movie a few weeks ago after somebody telling my wife that the twist at the end is AWESOME. Thankfully it had been running on Showtime so I DVRed it and watched it over two days.

Plot Overview:
A married couple (not necessarily happily married) are still getting over the loss of a miscarriage. They decide to adopt but instead of adopting a newborn baby, or at least a child under the age of 3, they decide to adopt a 9 year old girl found in an orphanage in Russia...HUGE MISTAKE!!!



Quickie Review:
Not a bad movie, not a great one. Trying to figure out what the orphan girl's true intentions were interesting but when they are revealed, I was a little disappointed. I was impressed at how far fetched the twist was and that someone would think of that but this movie would be thrown in jail by the common sense police.

Common Sense Violations:
1.) How about the twist...THE ORPHAN IS ACTUALLY A 33 YEAR OLD WOMAN WITH A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT MAKES HER LOOK LIKE A 9 YEAR OLD GIRL!!! Plus, she's fascinated with the Dads that have adopted her in the past...so much so that she'll kill anyone that gets in her way. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? As I said before, I'll give a 10 for the originality of the twist, but a 2 for seeing how that twist ties to a movie. The closest thing I could I think of would be Webster or Gary Coleman being adopted by a family and they fall in love with the mother and kill the Dad.

2.) The fact that the father completely ignores all signs that the orphan is a psycho. He throws his wife of probably 5-10 years under the bus and trusts this new child he met 6 months ago completely. Fine, he wouldn't know that she's really as old as she really is...but to not at least see that she's up to no good? WAKE THE F' UP!!!

3.) I don't understand the relationship between the husband and wife...one minute they're having risque sex in the kitchen and shortly thereafter he teases her about prior drinking problems and tries to get her committed. I don't get that....then again, he was probably really horny and just wanted to get some action. Guys are mean/cool like that sometimes.



Scenes I liked:
1.) The sort of sex scene in the kitchen. Good stuff there for a non-nudity scene...but I dare any parents of small children to try this while the sun is still out.

2.) All scenes with the Orphan involving the other kids. Knowing the twist now, she's one mean 33 year old woman.

3.) The scene where the Orphan shows how good of a piano player she is plus the mother's reaction to it. Pretty creepy and the song she plays is really cool too.

4.) The fact that the father dies...movies usually let the good people live at the end or just kill the family pet. NOT THIS ONE!

Let's cut the shit Hungieman, is there any sex/nudity?
This movie is mammary free...but the sex scene is pretty good for not showing any boobs...the lead actress has nice cleavage

Recommended?
Probably only the same circumstances I saw it under...it was on cable and I had the ability to record it to watch at my leisure.



Final review:
5 out of 10.