Sizzler

Family dinner night! In today's households with little kids this might mean a trip to Appleby's, T.G.I.Fridays, Buffalo Wild Wings, or Friendlys. About 20 years ago, those options were more limited to Bennigans and...well Friendlys I guess. One of these places that will always hold a special place in my heart (and rectum) is Sizzler.

Sizzler had a brilliant concept for little kids. It was basically a buffet full of high fat but delicious food and did I mention it was a buffet? That meant one could mix macaroni and cheese, with a taco, with a chicken finger, with a slice of pizza...HEAVEN to an 8 year old.

Even better was the dessert bar, full of help yourself soft serve ice cream and about gazillion different toppings. Sometimes I wouldn't even eat the ice cream and just go for the toppings....ever have dish full of hot fudge syrup and chocolate chips? Well, I have and its quite tasty!

Sadly, Sizzler slowly closed down their locations and there are a handful left. I had thought it had gone completely out of business until I stumbled across one when I lived in Bayside Queens. My roommate and I went to check it out, to relive our youth, only to find that something terrible had happened in between then and now. We had actually developed good eating habits. After 15 years of not going to a Sizzler and then going back to eat the fried greasy goodness, the food wrecked havoc on our insides. Within a few minutes of eating the main course, I felt my stomach rumbling and if I didn't get home to a bathroom there was going to be some serious consequences. The same thing was happening to my roommate and we bolted out of there and ran a few red lights to get back to our apartment. Let's just say my sphincter was sizzling that night as well.

So to the Sizzler, I say thank you for the memories of your exquisite buffets and mouthwatering dessert bars. I have grown too old for you now but I know that if I ever need an enema of any kind, I can walk through your doors and gorge myself on your plethora of heart attack inducing items.

I almost need to use the bathroom just watching this...

Classic Restaurants - Sizzler (or how to blow out your colon)

Not too far away from where I grew up was a perfect place to go out to eat as a little kid. Unlike picking one item off a menu, this restaurant featured a delicious buffet full of tasty items that little kids love...fried chicken, mozzaralla sticks, macaroni and cheese, and best of all, a dessert bar loaded to the max. This place was a mecca for me. Some people raved about Friendly's but those people can have their Friendly's. Me? I was a "Sizzler" kid.

Sizzler was a novelity chain where although you could order off a menu, it was unique in that it offered a buffet. I LOVED this place because I could get a slice of ham, two chicken wings, a scoop of macaroni and cheese, and some bacon bits from the salad bar, all on one plate. The adults could order off the menu and get something more civlized like a steak. The dessert bar was loaded with soft serve ice cream and many different kinds of toppings.

The local Sizzler went out of business (as did many Sizzlers) in the mid 90's and I just assumed they had gone bankrupt. To my pleasant surprise, there was a Sizzler located a half mile from my old apartement in Bayside, Queens. My roommate and I decided to check it out and relive the old days eating greasy food buffet style. Little did we know that either our stomachs grew up or the quality of Sizzler's food went down because within minutes of finishing our meals, I felt like my ass was going to explode. We immediately got out of there and went straight home, running a red light or two on the way. Let's just say, I was very happy we each had our own bathroom at that time.

So in closing, Sizzler is sort like that really hot girl in high school that now weighs 300 pounds. Ironically there's one not far away from where I live now and as tempted as I am to check it out, my common sense grabs a hold of me as my sphincter spasms everytime I drive by.