Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Jay Decay

This week's Garbage Pail Kid is a rotting little fella, "Jay Decay".

Like a good/bad slasher film from the 1980's, our little undead friend here rises from the grave. I like the missing eyeball and the fact that part of his jaw is exposed. His hair is surprisingly intact too. There's not too much else going on here other than a very bright moon.

Oh well, here's to you Jay Decay.

Monday, November 28, 2011

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "500 Days Of Summer"

Where I bought this movie: The last gasp of my used movie buying before reality set in and I realized I should be saving discretionary income for things like retirement and not movies that I will ever see unless I start a blog about trying to watch every single DVD in my collection.

* Why Own It?: 500 Days Of Summer was a critics darling in the summer of 2009. Since my wife and I have WILDLY different tastes in movies (“Darling how about we watch Alien Resurrection tonight? wha? You want to watch “The Holiday” again???”….these are why Man Caves are vital in every household), it was a rare opportunity to watch a movie together.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Once, in the winter of 2009 when it first came out in the above mentioned scenario. I will tell you, I had to pull my own teeth to watch it again. Not because it’s a bad movie (I love it actually) but mainly because it’s a hard movie to watch by yourself.

* Time collecting dust: One of my more recent purchases…about 22 months.

* What I thought of the movie: I can’t recommend this movie enough. A perfect date movie that has a lot of great situations that both guys and girls can relate to. What makes the movie though is how it’s constructed. It’s literally about a 500 day relationship and it skips around different days in that relationship. So in one scene, you’re seeing two people falling in love and in the next, they’re at the relationship’s bitter end, then they're back in love again. Who really remembers past relationships in chronological order anyway? Usually its either good or bad memories at certain points in the relationship. There’s also clever editing tricks and film making ideas I had never seen before that were really neat.

And the cast: The cast is really just two people…Zooey Deschanel (of the new TV Show “New Girl”) and Joseph Gordon Levitt (who I couldn’t stand in “3rd Rock Of The Sun” when he was a kid but who I loved in this movie, “Inception”, and of course “G.I. Joe”. Other than that, there are really no familiar names though the little sister of Gordon-Levitt’s character is sort of a semi-rising star in movies like “Kick-Ass” and “Let Me In”. Other than that, its character actor city...unless you count a random appearance by the great Han Solo.

Recommended?: Yes, a must see…but again, see it with someone you love…or at someone who’s pants you want to get into.

Favorite Scenes: There are a lot of good ones. A few that stand out are 1.) The “You Make My Dreams” montage where everyone is dancing through Central Park (trust me, its not ax corny as it reads). 2.) The similar yet very different montages between the two characters and the little things they do to show they are, at first falling in love, and later can’t stand each other. 3.) My favorite scene has to be the one where the guy goes to the party to try and get the girl back. It’s shown via split screen and on the left you see what he expects to happen and on the right side you see what actually happens…one of my favorite scenes of the past few years, just brilliant.

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity: Sadly none...not even a Zooey sideboob.

Previous Movie: 40 Year Old Virgin
Next Movie: A.I (Artificial Intelligence)

Monday, November 21, 2011


Ah yes, the birthday. Today, I turn 34 years old and each birthday I have seems to matter less and less. However, each birthday my friends and family have seem to matter more and more. Anyway, here’s how I consider the various emotions as birthdays continue to pass by:

Birth – 4 years old: Nobody remembers their birthdays at this age yet these are the birthdays where you get the greatest amounts of toys...and yet all of them are rendered obsolete by the time you’re 5 or 6. I mean, does a 6 year old play with a stuffed animal, a random Bob The Builder Truck, or a Dora The Explorer Coloring Book?

5 years old – 12 years old: The peak of toy gluttony. As a child’s ADD increases throughout childhood, so does the need to get “the hot toy of the moment”. This age is important because kids can now verbalize the gifts they want for their birthday and see it has a free handout from Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Ned and Aunt Ellen. Kids from your class that you never will be friends with past grade school are obligated to bring a gift if invited to your lame ass roller skating party (almost like a wedding!!!).

A smart 10 year old would say, “In lieu of getting me the new Madden game, how about a $50 contribution to a 529 plan for my large college debt I’m going to have when I’m 22 years old?”

13 years old – 16 years old – The best gift at this age is just cold hard cash.

17 years old – I WANT A CAR!!!

18 years old – 20 years old: With most people in college at this age things start to happen. Cash is still king but the checks you used to get from various relatives may dwindle due to indifference by said relative or sadly the death of the relative. Therefore it becomes most important to maximize the gifts you get.


22 years old - 24 years old: These are the most fun birthdays in that the early 20’s are usually the best time of your life in terms of partying and solidifying your lifelong friend base. By this point gifts are usually in the form of a card or a bottle of liquor.

25 years old: Car insurance rates drop for most people this age (YAAAAY!!!) but you begin to have your first quarter-life crisis (WHERE ARE MY MEDS?!?).

26 years old – 29 years old: Things begin to change here. Birthdays now might be spent with your recently married friends who like to be in bed by 11pm but mixed in with your single friends who can still party until 4am. You begin to see the separation from the adult to the young adult.

30 years old: The biggest birthday since turning 21 if only because 30 starts to feel old. From a professional standpoint though, getting into your 30’s means you have something of a career going and hopefully a halfway decent resume.

31 years old to 39 years old: More low key birthdays with friends…maybe a night of bowling or karaoke. The prime of your life.

40 years old: “Life Begins at 40”…right? Probably the last big blowout birthday with friends where you can really push it and party until 2am…that is, assuming you have a babysitter for your kids.

41 years old – 49 years old – Birthdays here are reduced to a night out with one, maybe two couples. Physical ailments may seem to set in…the achy back, the creaky knee, and the old “where did THAT hair come from? That doesn’t belong there!”

50 years old: - Ah yes, the big family gathering. Chances are the kids are almost grown up and it’s always good to have that good old fashioned family dinner. Often a surprise, though with most surprises today, they are not easy to pull off in today’s high tech world.

51 years old – 59 years old: Any birthday beyond this point probably aren’t too much fun and it’s always exacerbated by that wise guy friend who sends you the “another year older? Uh-oh!” birthday card.

59 and half years old: An interesting age in that while this is no party, all of your retirement assets are free to take out without any penalties…this is a good thing.

60 years old: A tender birthday. Once again the family gets together. Maybe Jimmy flies in from Oregon as a surprise or Sally drives all the way up from North Carolina to make sure she doesn’t miss the big day. Gifts are now bought at the “Things Remembered” store and often involve framed pictures.

61 years old – 69 years old: This is where the wheels begin to fall off healthwise although chances are you are retired and if lucky, have a ton of time and money to travel the world and do all of those things you wished you could do in your 20’s (no money) and 30’s and 40’s (damn job….damn kids). Birthdays are now just relegated to going out with the spouse, any local family members, and another couple.

70 years old: AKA the big family reunion birthday. Now you not only have your kids, but your grandkids too. A potential gift is a cruise with other seniors.

71 years old – 79 years old: More health problems persist and sadly your friends begin to pass one. Each birthday is just another year towards joining them. But at least Chili’s gives you a free birthday appetizer if you show them your drivers license.

80 years old: A birthday to reflect. Usually held quietly at a function hall. Here, you usually invite not just family, but any surviving friends. Enjoy your night, as it may be the last time you see all of these people in one room together again…at least until your funeral.

81 Years old to 89 years old: Enjoying the sunset years the best you can. More friends pass away as your go to more funerals than birthday parties. You recognize more names from the obituary section. A nice time to reflect and if one wishes to, write their memoirs to leave as a legacy.

90 years old: The last hurrah. Now you might have four generations of family members surrounding you…IN YOUR ASSISTED LIVING RESIDENCE.

91 years old to 99 years old: Now you’re just taking it day by day and each birthday is a wonder to your family. A birthday present is now in the form of phone call as you listen to Cats In The Cradle one hundred times a day and gently weep.

100 years old: Willard Scott puts your picture up on the Today Show and your life is now totally complete.

Or is it...

Friday, November 18, 2011

Feel Good Friday Music Video

Here's a classic from the 1970's to push you off into the weekend...

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "The 40 Year Old Virgin"

Where I bought this movie: Good old Hollywood Video in Ronkonkoma during one of their 4 for $30 used DVD deals.

* Why Own It?: The 40 Year Old Virgin was one of the biggest comedies during the summer of 2005. Therefore I said to myself, “WELL THEN, I MUST OWN THAT MOVIE”. The promos listed it as a raunchy comedy for adults and that was like throwing chum to a fish…I was hooked.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Once before, on DVD when it came out in 2006 but I’ve seen bits and pieces of this movie on cable over the years.

* Time collecting dust: 4 years since I’ve last touched it.

* What I thought of the movie: Definitely one of the funniest movies made in the past 20 years. I had forgotten a lot of the funny parts and throwaway lines. Its a smart comedy with a great story that guys and girls can relate to. Dare I call this, a “male chick flick”? To bring a slightly far fetched situation (literally a man who is a 40 year old virgin) to the big screen and make it somewhat believable is impressive. Steve Carelll’s Andy character is definitely childlike in many ways but he’s a pretty smart guy as well. I also love how all of the main characters work in a Best Buy type place.

And the cast: The cast is full of very funny famous people but at the time, none of them were as famous as they are today. Steve Carell was probably the biggest name and Paul Rudd had been in a few big movies like Clueless but Jane Lynch, Seth Rogan, Elizabeth Banks, and Leslie Mann hadn’t really become household names just yet. Also look out for a young Kat Dennings and her rack as the daughter of Andy’s girlfriend who would go on to star in one of TV’s worst comedies today, “Two Broke Girls”. Even Jonah Hill pops up in one of his first movie appearances.

Recommended?: Absolutely, but this is a movie made even better having a couple of drinks and watching it with a friends…or with a 40 year old virgin I guess.

Favorite Scenes: There are a lot…The Michael McDonald video constantly playing in the store, The Speed Dating scene, Andy getting thrown up on by a drunken Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd’s “I’M LEAVING THE BOX OF PORN ON YOUR FRONT DOORSTEP NOW!!!” scene, almost every line Seth Rogan says, Jane Lynch sexually harassing all of her employees, the scene in the book store where Andy answers Beth’s questions with questions to pick her up, and of course the chest hair ripping scene. There are too many more to mention.

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity: Lots of flashes here and there but nothing too titillating. Sadly Elizabeth Banks does not get nude. There’s a funny scene with the adult film star Stormy using Andy’s voice to talk dirty to him. I love the girl in the speed dating scene, when her boob falls out while she’s talking to Andy.

Previous Movie: 28 Weeks Later
Next Movie: 500 Days Of Summer

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Classic 1980's Cartoons - Inhumanoids

This is a pretty obscure cartoon from the mid 80's. I don't remember what it was exactly about but the basic plot revolved around these soldiers that wore strange suits and fought these underworld creatures. Oh, and it also featured some of the SCARIEST DEMENTED cartoon villains and animation that I can recall growing up.

First, there's the intro that features no less that sixty cuts in a thirty second spot. I think I had a seizure watching this and its no wonder I have some form of ADD watching this 25 years ago. I love the catchy theme song "Inhumanoids, inhumanoids...the evil that lies within". Great vocal harmonies on the word "within" by the way.

There were three main bad guys. The leader of the bad guys was "Metlar" (I had to look that one up). He sort of looks like Jabba The Hut's right hand creature from Return Of The Jedi, the one with the annoying laugh, crossed with...Jabba The Hut. Metlar was by far the least scary villain but then again, take a look at this commercial for his toy.

First off, I love the reaction of the little kid around the 15 second mark...nothing like a little wind machine. Most of all, do you see how HUGE the Metlar toy is? Take a look at the 19 second mark...that little kid is struggling to yank the nearly 2 foot toy out of a bed of rocks!

Next was Tendril. He looked like a giant weed that mated with the Brundle Fly and had a huge 1970's porno mustache. Let's take a look...

Good Lord!!! That has to be the scariest looking toy. Just freeze frame the 22 second mark and you will be visited by Tendril in your dreams for the next few weeks.

But Tendril wasn't the scariest character of them all...nope, that had to be the creature called D'Compose (I'm not sure if he was French). He was some sort of vampire as you'll see below. Without looking at any of the clips found on Youtube, I have never forgotten him screaming "DEEEE-COMMMM-POOOOOSE!!!" in a shrill voice. This pretty much sums up he and the show in a nutshell.

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!? This show was made for 10 year olds? That transformation was INSANE. I look back on this show now and its pretty cool but I'm not sure what cartoon executives were thinking back in 1986. Cocaine must be awesome.

I am going to hunt this show down on DVD now...


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Art Apart

This week's Garbage Pail Kid of the week is "Art Apart". Now, I don't know anybody under the age of 50 named Art or even Arthur but since Art rhymes with a lot of words, it makes perfect sense.

Anyway, Art appears that he was torn apart by the family cat or maybe a parent who became enrages by their child's obsession with Cabbage Patch Kids (and beleive me, kids were INSANE over them in the mid 80's....well at the least the kids I went to Catholic School with were).

Thankfully Art's head remains attached to his body but he cruelly must stare at his severed arms and legs for all eternity. Strangely enough, Art was stripped naked before being ripped apart...maybe that explains the smile on his face?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The History Of Movies From A to Z - "28 Weeks Later"

* Where I bought this movie: R.I.P Hollywood Video. I’ve probably bought more movies here than other store, other than the Tower Records in Boston. Hollywood Video had these great deals where you could by four used newly released DVD for anywhere between $20-$30.

* Why Own It?: I really liked 28 Days later so why not take a chance on the sequel? It also featured more crazy blood drooling zombies. Though we live in a sort of zombie saturated media today (Zombieland, The Walking Dead, Twilight?), it was still pretty refreshing and innovative back in 2007.

* Had I seen this movie before?: I had seen this movie once before living in Bohemia, NY…around 2007. So this was a rare second watching.

* Time collecting dust: 4 years since I’ve last touched it.

* What I thought of the movie: A very good sequel. Much faster and bloodier than 28 Hours later. The cast was largely unknown but that’s what makes it good since you don’t invest in any characters with star power. What started as one type of movie veered off into another about 40 minutes in. The movie is actually one of the more depressing ones if you take a step back and take in what you just watched.

And the cast: Though mainly unknowns as the time, the cast does feature one of the first roles for Jeremy Renner, the guy from Hurt Locker and The Town. It also stars Rose Byrne who might be better known for her roles in the TV show Damages and the movie “Bridesmaids”. Other than that, its pretty much a bunch of character actors.

Recommended? Yes, but you should watch the two movies back to back. Be prepared for some blood and gore though.

Favorite Scenes: Hmmm…I’d have to choose between the awesome sniper sequence (talk about a real life video game), the pitch black scene in the subway tunnel, and the romantic reunion between the husband and wife in this movie. You’ll see what I mean…Oh and seeing Jeremy Renner get lit up by torch is pretty wild too.

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity: A possible bare zombie breast but nothing titillating by any means. The teenage daughter is pretty hot but she has crazy eyes.

Previous Movie: 28 Days Later
Next Movie: The 40 Year Old Virgin

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 19 - "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head

Head...Murray Head. What a perfect name. If I ever get a dog I might just name it Murray Head. Anyway, Murray Head (I can't just call him Murray or even just Head...he's Murray Head) was responsible for one of the strangest topics you could cover with music...chess.

Yes...this song...its about chess. The name of the album this song was on was called "Chess". That's pretty much it. The lyrics tell a tell of a guy who travels to Bangkok, not for the strippers or prostitutes. He goes there to play chess. He also thinks he's better than anybody else. Anyway, here's the video. Follow along...


0:16 - 0:29: In what must have been mind blowing special effects at the time (1982 I believe) you see a chess board right out of an Atari game slowly morph in a single square which then fades into a young woman's eye.

I have to say quickly here that you MUST seek out the extended intro to this song. It has an orchestral score that Yanni has made a career out of imitating. You hear the very last part of it in the beginning of the video here but it actually lasts over two minutes. An NBA team should get a hold of this, it would make excellent introduction music...that's if there's going to be an NBA season.

0:37 - 0:53: Say hello to Murray Head and what looks like a dozen smoke machines and a ladder to nowhere. Did I say how awesome that intro is?

0:54 - 1:10: Murray gives you a little tour of his home ending in a giant room featuring a huge chess board as a floor. This is the only song you'll ever hear a song lyric featuing the words "Yul Brenner". I love the synthesizer in this song too.

1:11 - Michael Jackson must have taken notes because the floor lighting into a chess board looks like a very similar idea used in "Billie Jean" one year later.

1:22 - 1:27: Not sure who directed this video but I do like the filming through the chess pieces here.

1:28 - 1:38: I must say that Bangkok is well diversified. You have a white guy, an Indian woman, a black guy/girl (can't tell), an asian guy, and maybe a spanish woman? Nice "jazz hands" here.

1:42 - I love this part of the song...especially the "whatdya mean" part at 1:51. Lots of special effects going on here that could probably be redone by an 8th grader with a Mac today in his computer class.

2:05 - 2:09: A line I will now incorporate into my regular jargon..."I get my kicks ABOVE the waistline Sunshine". I can't wait to use it the next time I am propositioned by a stripper or hooker.

2:10 - 2:17 : Murray talks as two boxers reenact any fight scene from Rocky 3 and 4. I love how the guy on the right falls at the 2:17 mark. Good Lord, that's some terrible acting.

2:34 - 2:52: I would love a chess expert to chime in and let me know if the moves he's making during the game against the cute lady make any sense.

2:56 - 3:10: After talking about "cerebral fitness" and "reclining footers", Murray appears on a huge TV screen overlooking a chess board with people dancing on it. Cocaine must have been AWESOME in the 1980's.

3:16 - 3:20: I love the facial tics here. "Yah Masssahhge Pahhhlahrs"

3:21 - 3:36: My favorite part of any 80's video...the group dance sequence!!! I'm not sure what they're trying to do here but I love the random hand and arm movements.

3:36 - 4:03 : Murray joins the dancing by appearing from somewhere underneath the chess board floor. He sort of just stands there at first but then struts his way across the board as people go crazy dancing around him.

4:04 - I love that final look.

Until next time...