Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Classic Toys - Lite Brite

I didn't have this toy but had friends who did.  I'm glad I didn't.  I would have never had the patience to make anything of note.  I mean, just look at the commercial.  All of the ones they show are already made...and some of them look pretty damn complicated.  How many pieces are laying on the ground?  This had to be for ages 8 and up right?  I'd also put a "do not use if you have pets" disclaimer as well.  This personifies what a choking hazard is.  Anyway, check this out...

Some quick notes:

1.) Who doesn't love that song.  I probably was humming this little ditty and "We Are The World" back in 1985.

2.) Freeze frame at that the 2 second mark and take a look at that horse.  Not only is it just a horse, its a carousel horse with about 300 different colors.  How does one make this?  I would have probably lost half the pieces in a matter of days.

3.) 0:09 mark. There's only one thing that scares me more than actual clowns....clowns made on an old Lite Brite game.  Just take a look at that thing.  It's begging you to go to sleep so it can steal your soul.

4.) 0:14 mark.  Love that "GOOD NIGHT DAD" one.  Dad must have spend HOURS putting that together for those three words.  This is why texting was invented and needed.  Though it would be fun to have a lite bright just to spell out "I AM GAY" or "DAD I LOVE HOOKERS" and leave it by his bedside to see how he would react.

5.) 0:20 second mark.  I know its trademarked on the screen but how much did Milton Bradley have to pay Walt Disney to show the shot of Mickey Mouse?  Couldn't they have just showed a picture of a mouse with big ears and call it Mikey?

6.) Two crucial pieces of information.  "Light bulb not included" and "refills sold separately".

7.) 0:28. GAH!!! The soul sucking clown is back!

Friday, August 30, 2013

Top 5... Montages from 1980's Movies

Today's Top 5 is a little different.  You don't see it much anymore but back in the 80's pop music was a huge part of movies.  Sometimes you would here entire songs being played while the movie's plotlines would be advanced.  As I give you examples, you'll hopefully see what I'm talking about.

5.) "Hungry Eyes" - Dirty Dancing

First of all I love this song.  Excellent emotional chord changes during the verse parts of the song.  Combine that with Eric Carmen's emotive voice and you just feel Patrick Swayze's dance instructor bonding with Jennifer Grey's high school student character.  This would probably be considered very inappropriate in today's times but this was a 1980's movie about a summer in the 1950's (or was it 1960's?).  In any event, is Jennifer Grey wearing just a regular bra in the first part of this scene? I could NEVER be a dance instructor...I'd be fired for unnecessary touching after my first lesson if my students wore these skimpy outfits. Anyway, enjoy because this is the LAST time I'll ever mention Dirty Dancing on this website again.

4.) "I'm Into Something Good" - Naked Gun

This is actually a parody of movie montages in a way.  Or at least its a parody of the montages that showed two people falling in love.  I love this movie and this is probably the first song from the 1960's that I ever heard.  Love the squirting of the condiments all over the place and how can you not enjoy a slow motion clothesline of another couple when running along the beach. Please forgive the morbid "Leslie Nielsen Memoriam" thing at the start of the video.

3.) "Win In The End" - Teen Wolf

Another classic movie.  Here, they actually play the entire song.  This is some of the worst basketball editting you'll ever see but the music is inspiring.  Random side note...the pudgy white basketball player in this montage is the guy who yells "Its Enrico Pollatzo!!!" in the aforementioned "Naked Gun" baseball game scene.

5.) "The Best" - Karate Kid

The last two are a tough call. I'd going with "The Best" at number 2 only because I've seen number one many more times and it hits me more emotionally (Plus its a slightly more awesomely bad song).  Anyway, what's the easiest way to cut through the BS of the early rounds of a karate tournament?  Let's make a song about what people in a tournament try to be...THE BEST!  I love when the music kicks in (at the 0:22 mark) and the Elizabeth Shue in the background shrieks "you're the BEST!!!".  I'm getting pumped up typing this.  Some pretty good karate scenes here, it looks like they trained hard.

1.) "No Easy Way Out" Rocky IV

The first Rocky movie I ever saw was Rocky IV.  Not only did it teach me about roman numerals and that Russians are evil, the entire movie is a montage.  From the beginning of the movie with "Eye Of The Tiger", to "Hearts On Fire", to the wacky instrumental montage where Rocky yells DRAGOOOOO on the top of a mountain, this is basically an MTV movie.  Still, the montage to end all montages is "No Easy Way Out" by the importal Robert Tepper.  Because of this montage, I never needed to see the prior three movies.  While Rocky is zooming along in his fancy car you get to piece together three movies together out of a four minute sequence.  I could gather that Rocky really got his faced bashed up pretty good at the end of Rocky I, Adrian looked really meek and mild in the first two movies, Apollo was a jerk to Rocky but then they slow motion hugged it out on the beach somewhere, and that Rocky's trainer looked like the Penguin from the old Batman TV show but he died of a heart attack along the way.  Also, he fought Mr. T and got a better haircut as time went along.

Now THAT's how you do a montage.  Plus this song is just great to drive to.

Happy Labor Day weekend everybody...

Thursday, August 29, 2013

The History of Movies From A-Z: "Cabin Fever"

This is a semi-regular piece where I review my DVD collection in alphabetical order. This will take me approximately 38 years to get through.  Today, I skip ahead a bit and review the schlocky horror classic "Cabin Fever"

* Where I bought this movie: Picked this one up in my Bayside Queens days circa 2003. I picked this one up at the local Best Buy.

* Why Own It?: 
 I had heard cool things about this movie in that it wasn't a run of the mill horror movie.  They were right.  Written and directed by Eli Roth when he was on his way to become the greatest horror director and writer for about 8 months, there was a lot of hype in the movie magazines I would read about it.  Plus, there was nudity and people's skin falling off....and gosh darn it, if you know me well, those are two things I love in movies.

This gives you a pretty good idea as to what to expect in this movie.

* Had I seen this movie before?: Twice (the last being in 2006)...but the movie moves pretty fast so its rewatchable.  I had sort of forgotten a lot of how the movie ended so I was sort of on the edge of my seat again.  Plus, the special effects are pretty gruesome. 

* Time collecting dust: 10 years.

* What I thought of the movie: A very good but not great horror movie.  I'd still recommend it.  There are super random scenes in the movie and it probably mixes sex and horror like no other movie had before and probably not much since.  You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it.  

Do NOT sit next to this kid.

*  And the cast:   Hmmm..well the biggest name in the movie that's held up is the older brother in that goofy show "Boy Meets World".  Rider Strong is his name I believe.  What kind of name is that?  Is that his real name?  Anyway, the next biggest familar face is Eli Roth himself who has a long cameo.  Then you pretty much have a mix of somewhat familar faces in movies around the 1999-2004 era but nobody who has done anything of substance since.  The two girls in this movie are smoking hot though.

A rare happy moment in this movie. She's hot and he has hairy nipples.

Favorite Scenes:  1.)  Shaving the legs...OUCH 2.) The ending credits scene with everyone dancing around is awesome. 3.) The "I MADE IT...I F'CKING MADE IT scene"...not so fast. 4.) I don't want to ruin the surprise but the next time a guy is with his girlfriend in bed, you might want to make sure she didn't drink some water that could cause her skin to dissolve.  I'll leave it at that.

Recommended?:   Yes.  Its not a long movie so check it out if its on cable or you find it somewhere.

Girls with guns.

Cut the BS about the movie, I just want to know if there is any nudity:  Yes, and its pretty good.  Let's just say there's a brunette and a blond.  The brunette has no issues about being nude (it happens two or three times).  The blond does not get nude but she looks extra pretty in a black bikini...Ugh, am I really almost 36 years old? I sound scary.

Previous Movie: The Abyss
     Next Movie: ???

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Garbage Pail Kid Of The Week - Handy Randy

This Garbage Pail Kid caught my eye...Handy Randy.  First of all, the name Randy is a keeper.  Plus its an adjective for being horny made famous by Austin Powers.  I like that for some reason.  And of course "Handy" can mean many things in today's society.  So does Handy Randy convey an image of a sexually crazed person wanting to give handjobs?  No, but its one of the more strangely drawn ones.  Let's take a look...

It looks like Randy is missing all of his teeth because HE IS JAMMING HIS FINGERS INTO HOLES CARVED INTO HIS CHIN AND BRAIN.  Not too mention the scary tongue sticking out to the side ala Miley Cyrus.  I know my mind can go to random places but this has to be the mind of a super dark person.  Still, I can respect how they matched the artwork to the name.  Boy do I miss Garbage Pail Kids...