Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Super Bowl Buildup or Blogging like its February 2008


As we all know, the second biggest party night (after New Year's Eve) is coming up Sunday with the Super Bowl. I'll admit, I can't get into either team but I'll watch just because I want to see what Kurt Warner's bible loving wife will do when he wins/loses and I think the coach of the Steelers, Mike Tomlin, looks just like Omar Epps from the TV show House.

Anyway, I attempted to do a running blog of last years Giants/Patriots Super Bowl. I will give running bloggers a lot of respect, it is very hard to do. I only go to the two minute warning of the first half before I gave up. Anyway, its not half bad in my opinion and worth posting here. I like the Jordin Sparks references I make...enjoy.

SUPER BOWL XLII RUNNING BLOG (done on February 3, 2008)

6:00pm – Despite the Super Bowl game coverage starting on Fox, I can’t help but watch the sudden death playoff going on against J.B. Holmes and Phil Mickelson. Very rarely can you hear Jim Nantz and Joe Buck on TV at the exact same time.

6:01pm – Mickelson hits his approach to the 1st playoff hole to 15 feet while Holmes knocks it stiff to 4 feet. Nantz sounds like he doesn’t mind not being down the road calling the Super Bowl.

6:02pm – Fox coverage starts up. But it’s the “Pre-Kick” show. Buck looks dapper in his gray suit and purple tie. Aikman talks a lot of football jargon. Meanwhile Mickelson misses his long putt for birdie.

6:04pm – Holmes takes forever to line up his putt and makes it. Nantz makes a semi-classic call saying “He got it!!! JB Holmes birdies the 18th twice in 20 minutes to win the FBR open!!!”. I’m sure he wishes in a few hours he was saying “Tom Brady and the New England Patriots have just achieved immortality…a perfect season” while handing Bill Belichek the Super Bowl trophy.

6:08pm – Player introductions. I love when you can hear the main announcer’s voice talking to the crowd. The Giants seem angry in the pre-taped segment…road warriors is repeated ad nauseum. I guess they like Kanye West too. I hope Daft Punk got a lot of money for that sample because it’s the only good thing on that entire album. The Pats seem to have a louder response. Their rallying cry is “teamwork” and come out to Black Sabbath.

Based on the Kanye West / “road warriors” theme vs. Black Sabbath’s Crazy Train / “teamwork” theme, I like the Pats 42-24.

6:12pm – Oh baby…in what could be an interesting National Anthem, Jordin Sparks looks like she just took a dump in her dress when they announced her about to sing before going to commercial.

6:17pm – National Anthem time as Brady still loosens up. Jordin Sparks looks very intense. For an 18 year old she looks like she’s around 25 and has been around the block a few times. She does a pretty good job but as they go to commercial, she looks like she just walked out of a Planned Parenthood finding out she wasn’t pregnant.

6:23pm – Coin toss time. Beforehand, they hand out the Walter Payton award to Jason Taylor. The award itself looks like something I made out of Play-Do when I was in 4th grade. Nice to see Jerry Rice, Ronnie Lott, and Steve Young on the same field again. I LOVE this referee....I forget his name but the way he jerks his arms when making calls is something I’ll enjoy throughout the game, even when it becomes a blowout. Giants win the toss and will receive. This is the third straight time in the playoffs, the Pats haven’t had the ball first.

6:27pm – Pre-game reports with Pam Oliver and Chris Meyers. Basically everyone is healthy and ready to go. I like how Chris Meyers tells Tedi Bruschi to “have fun”. On a side note, I am in a playoff rotisserie league and the only way to win was to pick the worst players and hope they have great games.

6:32pm - First drive for the Giants – Manning converts two 3rd and 6’s. First injuries leads to the first commercials. Bud light guy breathing fire (6/10) and an Audi Godfather spoof (8/10 only because the actor played Moe Green in the first Godfather).

6:38pm – Randall Gay and Rodney Harrison were the injured Pats. I didn’t even get a chance to make a Gay joke before he’s limping off the field. First Peyton Manning sighting. First Belechek red sweatshirt sighting. 100th Tom Petty halftime special promo sighting.

6:45pm – Giants manage to have a long first drive but it ends in a field goal. The super caffeinated Diet Pepsi commercial is pretty good although I can’t stand Joe Buck parodying himself. Nice to see Mango show up at the end but would have been better if Will Ferrel showed up too. Whoever wrote the “What Is Love” song must have made an extra million dollars based on that SNL skit and commercial (8/10). Sales genie follows…bleh (2/10).

6:49 – Pats first possession but wait more commercials. Bud light has one of those “How to hide your bud light” spots that works (6/10). This is followed by a too serious commercial for something I didn’t understand…under armour? The guy shouting at the end sounded like Busta Rhymes.

6:55pm – Pats methodically but easily move down the field. PI call on Antonio Pierce leads to a first and goal at the 1. Anybody that had super bowl squares numbers Giants “3” Patriots “7” are devastated as the first quarter ends with Mulroney being stopped at the goal line.

7:00pm – More commercials…animals screaming for a car (7/10), some random singer songwriter (3/10, bad song) for Doritos, Prudential retirement planning (1/10 as they are a direct competitor to AXA)

7:02pm – Lawrence Marouney scores on the first play of the 2nd half but surprisingly does not do the chicken dance. KFC has a promotion that says that the first player to do the chicken dance in the end zone or victory podium would get $250,000 donated on their behalf.

7:04pm – Preview for an Anjelina Jolie action movie (7/10, the stunts look good), Derek Jeter drinks some vitamin water (5/10 saved only by the Who song “Sparks” playing in the background), Go-Daddy (4/10, I have little interest seeing Danica Patrick take her top off), and some guy getting props from an entire city for carrying a Dell (3/10) around precede the next Giants possession.

7:07pm – Super pigeons for Fed Ex (9/10, my favorite so far just to see giant pigeons), Cars.com (8/10, just because its randomness with the circle of fire, and the Tide commercial with the guy having interviewing with the stain on his shirt (8/10 only because my wife Jill probably sees me that way when I have stain anywhere on me). A solid trifecta of commercials.

7:11pm – back to the game, Toomer catches a long bomb and the Giants are in Pats territory again. The key is if the Giants can score some touchdowns as the Chargers had a lot of success last week getting inside the 10 yard line but couldn’t punch it in. Terrible delay of game call on the Giants which leads to the first turnover. Steve Smith can’t hold on as Ellis Hobbs takes it back 35 yards.

7:14pm – more commercials. A horse trains like Rocky (7/10 because its cheese factor), Iron Man trailer (7/10, I loved the comic and want to see the movie but a little too CGI-ish at the end of it brings it down a notch).

7:17pm – starting to get hungry so updates will begin to slow down. Giants have a huge stop starting with a 2nd and 2. That’s what they need to hopefully not lose control of the early momentum they had.

7:18pm Again more commercials…Toyota badger commercial (8/10, I like animals and to show baby animals nursing on its mother puts it over the edge for me). Random trailer for a George Clooney movie (2/10…looks dumb), and a GPS commercial (4/10, napoleon?)

7:22pm – Terrible possession for the Giants. First a sack, then a near fumble, then a short pass that was incomplete. The Pats and Giants don’t seem to like each other very much, a fight might break out or at least some unsportsman like penalty flags. Two rookies (Steve Smith and Ahmad Bradshaw) are showing their nerves here.

7:24pm – more commercials. Woman’s heart drops out of her body (6/10, random). Lizards dance the thriller with I think Naomi Campbell but I can’t tell you I’ve ever heard of Life Water before (9/10). Some drug dealer slacker tries to push the blame off him onto the parents (7/10, I like the message). I notice that there haven’t been two possessions in a row without a set of commercials.

7:27pm – Pats go 3 and out again as Brady is sacked twice in a row. Giants need to seize some momentum to take the lead. Pats are too dangerous to keep around for too much longer. Giants need to stay within a touchdown before halftime.

7:30pm – Commericials! Yukon hybrid ad misses the mark (2/10), Immigrants learn how to talk to hot women (5/10, meh). Giants need to do something here, at least get a few first downs to keep the ball away from the Pats. I like how Aikman uses the expression “shoot the gap”. Giants are using the running game. This will work between the 25 yard lines but its when they get inside the red zone where Manning and the passing game will come more into play.

7:36pm - First major play of the game. Manning fumbles the ball but Bradshaw pushes it forward and the Giants recover for a first down. I guess that was a penalty. Giants still have possession but may have just knocked them out of the field goal range. Giants will have to punt.

7:39pm – Two minute warning. Commercials again – Unibrowed woman attracts all kind of men because she rubs cashews on her body (4/10 because it’s a stupid idea but it was well executed), Charles Barkley harasses Dwayne Wade (6/10 not original enough)

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Pure Bliss...

Take this in like breathing in the smell of a freshly open can of peanut butter...


Thursday, January 22, 2009

Awesome Death Scenes - The Champ


Right off the bat I'll admit, I've never seen the full movie. I just remember as a little kid that by no means should I see this movie because I recall Ricky Schroeder is crying, excuse me WAILING, at the end and that definitely cannot be a good thing. Anyway, I eventually caught the ending of "The Champ" when it was on cable not too long ago and thank god I never got to see it when I was under the age of 10.

The tears start around the 4:30 mark





My Lord that was brutal. Ricky Schroeder did a hell of a job though in that scene though...he certainly earned the chance to get that role on Silver Spoons. The whole "Wake up Champ, we gotta go home" line is tough to watch and makes me want to hug my own Dad right now.

Wow, I just put a huge damper on the rest of my day with this post. Sorry if I bummed you out as well....yeeesh.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Top 10 Duets From the 1980's - Part 2

Continuing the countdown from last week.

5.) Next Time I Fall - Peter Cetera and Amy Grant

I've talked about this song before but I'll say it again...I love this song. Amy Grant was an unknown at the time and Peter Cetera was just starting a solo career after leaving Chicago. Two things I really like about this song...1.) the chorus is just musical heaven and the lyrics, though corny, show that they've learned from the their past mistakes and...2.) The awesomely bad synth noise that ties the whole song together. At least I think its a synthesizer. The video can also cause seizures since its hard to figure out what's going on some of the time. I love Amy Grant's jean jacket though and Cetera's freeze frame smile at the end.



4.) I Knew You Were Waiting - George Michael and Aretha Franklin

George and Aretha had a ton of hits over their career and this is one that you don't hear that much on the radio. Its a great song though and the end where they try to out do each vocally is pretty neat. Notice how skinny Aretha is here (compared to Obama's inauguration).

(Sadly I can't post the video...darn you You Tube) but you can check it out below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuU0cJ_iW8w


3.) Under Pressure - David Bowie and Queen

AWESOME song, great little bass riff (Vanilla Ice owes his entire career to John Deacon) and a top notch vocal performance from Freddie Mercury. The line "why can't we give love, one more chance" is almost as good as anything he sang in Queen and the scream beforehand is perfect for the song. Sadly the video is terrible as it doesn't feature either David Bowie or Queen but I'll post anyway.



2.) Say, Say, Say - Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney

This song doesn't get much airplay any more and its a 1,000 times better than the other duet these two did, "The Girl Is Mine". One of my favorite songs, I had no idea who Paul McCartney was when it first came out. The video is halfway decent as it shows Paul and MJ conning small towns out of their monies. Classic MJ dance moves throughout and McCartney holds his own. The major creepy moment comes though at the 3:23 mark when MJ is smitten by the girl in the bar....doesn't he realize that that's his sister Latoya Jackson? At least Paul ends up with his real life wife Linda...oh MJ, what happened to you?



1.) Money For Nothing - Dire Straits and Sting

A definite top 25 song of all time for me. I had no idea that Sting sang on this song until years after it came out. Sting also basically sings the main chorus from the Police song "Don't Stand So Close To Me" but instead sings "I want my MTV". The video is one of the first animated videos and still holds up today...but barely. Seek out the album version of this song for a much longer intro and a very extended guitar solo at the end. Nobody rocked out in headbands like Dire Straits.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Funny Picture

Saw this picture on a website somewhere. They are quick to move in Russia, putting Barack Obama's image on one of those neat doll things that when you open it up, there's a smaller doll. Anyway, this not about Barack's doll but two dolls to the left. Not only is there is one featuring Harry Potter but if you look all the way to the left there's one of the movie poster of Star Wars: Episode 1. You can make out Jake Lloyd's Anakin Skywalker. I love foreign countries...


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Weekend Roundup

Wrapping the week up...

1.) Saw Gran Torino today and it was excellent. Starring and directed by Clint Eastwood, its a good mix of drama, comedy, and tension. I'm sure many senior citizens can relate to Clint's character's anger in how sad today's society can be towards others. Its rare I walk out of a movie theater these days feeling somewhat emotional but this movie almost got me. Not to be confused by the video game Gran Torismo.

2.) Again, when will SUV owners learn that you need to clean the snow off the top of your vehicles as well.

3.) The missus rented Mamma Mia (the Meryl Streep movie) and she summed it up beautifully at the end..."if we ever end up seeing Mamma Mia on broadway, please shoot me in the head".

4.) Played some Wii over the weekend. I'm pretty much a Playstation 3 guy but I'll admit the Wii has some charm. One game that I need to get for PS3 that I played on the Wii was "American Idol". There's nothing like singing "Don't Know Much" by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville and then having Simon Cowell's voice praise you like a rock star.

5.) Picked up Season 5 of the old HBO show "Tales From The Crypt"...I forgot how good this show was. Each episode features at least a couple of decent recognizable actors and has a good mix of gore and humor (and nudity!) I cruised through 5 episodes in one sitting. The crypt keeper gets on my nerves after a while with his terrible puns.

6.) Congrats to the Cardinals for making the Super Bowl and hats off to Kurt Warner. I'm shocked that there's been no mention of wacky Jesus loving wife but I'm sure it will come out over the next two weeks.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

RIP Ricardo Montalban



Sad news out of the pop culture world today as a true giant has left the earth. Ricardo Montalban died at the age of 88 yesterday. I'm sure older people remember him for old movies and commercials he did. I remember him for three things.

1.) "Fantasy Island" - I vaguely remember this show growing up but not having any idea what it was about. Ricardo was your host to a visit to the island and I think you went there to live out your greatest fantasy. C list celebrities like Charo and Gilligan would appear from time to time. Most people remember the little person shouting "De Plane! De Plane!" anytime someone arrived on the island. The title of this show alone screams "remake" for the Spice Channel. Here's the goofy intro and theme song. Its sad to know that little Tattoo blew his brains out in the 90's.



2.) "Star Trek 2: The Wrath Of Khan"

This movie scared me big time growing up. It almost should have made the top 10 movies that scared me list for the scene where Khan puts the bugs in the two guy's ears. That was very freaky. Anyway, though I'm not a Star Trek fan, I appreciate a good movie when I see one and this was very well made. The best scene, and probably the most imitated scene in Star Trek history, is below. I used to love Captain Kirk's scream but now I love Khan's little "buried alive" speech more.




3.) The Naked Gun - This is one of those movies you love as a kid but a lot of it goes over your head and you pick a lot of what you missed watching it as an adult (or at least after 5 beers). I won't break the movie down today but the first time I saw Ricardo Montalban act was in this movie and he plays a good villain. He also has one of the greatest death scenes in a movie when he topples over the railing at a baseball stadium, gets run over by a bus, squished by a construction vehicle, and then stomped over by a band playing "Louie Louie".



RIP Ricardo Montalban
1920 - 2009

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Top 10 Duets From The 1980's - Part 1


Today's music duets usually feature somebody like Jay Z or Ja Rule coming in and rapping a quick line or two. Or maybe somebody like Mariah Carey or Rhiannon come in and sing the chorus. Those aren't duets in my mind. A FULL BLOWN duet is when both singing parties sing equally and have the same effect. The 1980's had several great duets. These are 10-6.

10.) "Yah Mo B There" by Michael McDonald and James Ingram




I love underrated songs like this and this is very underrated. James Ingram had some awesome ballads in the 80's ("Just Once", "One Hundred Ways", and "I Don't Have The Heart") and Michael McDonald speaks for himself. I never knew there was a video for this song and its hard to tell what is going on other than the trailer driving around, people nearly drowning at the end, and the freeze frame of James Ingram at the end.


9.) "This Is It" by Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald



This song is actually from 1979 but its close enough in my mind. This song is a bit dark and has a classic Michael McDonald line ("you said that maybe its overrrrrr..."). I also like Kenny Loggins gravelly voice when he gets fired up singing "stand up and fight" at the 1:11 mark. The rapper Nas sampled the "always survived" line for his Illicit CD and I bought that CD for that reason alone....pathetic I know.

8.) "Can't We Try" by Dan Hill and Vonda Shepard



I will be the first to admit that this is one of the biggest cheesy songs you will ever hear but god DAMN if I have to turn this up when it comes on my IPOD. I just love this guy's voice...the way he enunciates simple words like "heart at the 1:10 mark. His voice literally drips with emotion. One of my top 10 musical moments of all time occurs in this song when he sings the "no matter what" line (2:18 and 2:33)...gives me chills every time and I wish I could make my voice as gravelly as he does there.

Dan Hill has another big song called "Sometimes When We Touch" which you can hear as Matthew McConoughy's character's cell phone ring in the movie "Tropic Thunder"

7.) "If I Close My Eyes Forever" by Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne



Switching gears now to a little more serious song. I was not a Lita Ford fan though I did I like that "Kiss Me Deadly" song she had. I remember this song more for the video scaring me and Ozzy's voice scaring me more. Those side profiles of him in the above video freaked me out. Great song though especially when the drums kick in at the 2:19-2:20 mark.


6.) "All My Life" by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville

I am a sucker for this song for three reasons. 1.) I love Aaron Neville super high voice. 2.) It was my wedding song (and I was married in 2005) and 3.) Aaron ROCKS the sh*t out of that high note at the 2:56 mark. The version here is from the Tonight Show. Aaron Neville is jacked and you can't beat the cutoff leather vest he's wearing.


video

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Everyone Is A Hall Of Famer In My Book


Hats off to Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice on entering the prestigious baseball Hall Of Fame. Most people have been spending the last 24 hours waxing praise on these two men. I'd like to comment on the other guys who didn't get in.

The era that a lot of these guys played in is in the 1980's and 1990's so this is perfect. Here are the guys who didn't get in this year starting with those who received the most votes to the lowest (they needed 401 votes to get in I think):

1.) Andre Dawson (361 votes) - He was one of the better players in 1980's. Its too bad he played on the Cubs. Had a pretty cool nickname..."The Hawk".

2.) Bert Blyleven (338 votes) - His last name was one of those I couldn't pronounce as a kid and still struggle with today. Although he has around 290 wins, I never got excited if I knew he was going to pitch against the Yankees. I was more excited to see Melido Perez pitch for the Yankees than Bert Blyleven.

3.) Lee Smith (240 votes) - All I remember about him was that he originally had the record for most career saves...and no one caring.

4.) Jack Morris (237 votes) - Hopefully this guy gets in one day. He had the most wins in the 1980's, won two World Series, and had an awesome mustache/mullet combination. Also pitched 10 innings in Game 7 of the 1991 World Series...you will never see this again trust me.

5.) Tommy John (171 votes) - He's more known now as having a major reconstructive elbow surgery named after him rather than his somewhat decent career. He would join Lou Gehrig, Michael Crone, Tom Parkinson, and Billy Aids in the inaugural induction to the Hall Of Fame of Ailments and Diseases named after real people.

6.) Tim Raines (122 votes) - I remember him on the Expos, White Sox, and Yankees and other than being really fast, that's about it. I admire him most for always sliding head first because he didn't want to break the cocaine vials he kept in his back pocket.....that's dedication.

7.) Mark McGwire (118 votes) - Oh how the mighty have fallen...I still have his 1987 Topps rookie card in hard plastic. Sadly, the hard plastic is probably worth more than the card itself. There was this one kid in my neighborhood growing up who I idolized because he had McGwire's 1984 Olympic Team card...sucks for him now.

8.) Alan Trammell (94 votes) - One of the better white players of the 1980's, he and Lou Whitaker handled the Detroit Tigers infield throughout the 80's. I think he had a mustache too.

9.) Dave Parker (81 votes) - Better known as the "Cobra", Parker was a huge HUGE burly
player, a precursor of Boston's David Ortiz. Supposedly he also had a major cocaine problem as well. Good slugger for the Pirates.

10.) Don Mattingly (64 votes) - I like Mattingly and can't believe Dave Parker gets more votes than Donnie Baseball does. Then again, when you have a corny nickname like Donnie Baseball, maybe you only deserve 64 votes.

11.) Dale Murphy (62 votes) - I loved Dale Murphy. It was probably because he had a cool first name and really nothing more...Dale.

12.) Harold Baines (32 votes) - I can't remember much about this guy except he played for the White Sox and ripped a key double for me against the computer for me in one of Nintendo's old baseball games.

13.) Mark Grace (22 votes) - Had some good years with the Cubs and I think he ended up in Arizona. His rookie card was worth something during his playing career but now is probably worth a couple of nickels...wooden nickels.

14.) David Cone (21 votes) - Three Cone memories...1.) Meeting him at the 1988 Long Island' South Shore Little League champion's dinner (I still have his autograph on a piece of wax paper), 2.) His perfect game when he was with the Yankees (very cool). 3.) Getting absolutely shelled in the 2003 Spring Training games trying to make a comeback with the Mets (poor guy).

15.) Matt Williams (7 votes) - Part of the feared middle of the lineup of the late 80's San Francisco Giants with Will Clark and Kevin Mitchell. Now like the others, he is entering the world getting a real estate license or opening up a car wash.

16.) Mo Vaughn (6 votes) - Boston fans remember Mo Vaughn as willing them to the AL East title in 1995 and winning the MVP. Mets fan remember him as blowing his knee out a few months into a long term contract and ruining any chance of being good during the 2002-2004 seasons.

17.) Jay Bell (2 votes) - Damn, I remember this guy but couldn't tell you what team he played on. I think it was the decent Pirate teams of the early 90's. I love how two people thought he deserves entry to the Hall Of Fame and stand along side greats like Ted Williams, Mickey Mantle, and Babe Ruth....Jay Bell?

18.) Jesse Orosco (1 vote) - YES!!! He holds the record for most appearances ever by a pitcher over the course of his career. I'd trade any Hall Of Fame induction for that recognition. I'd also love to know who the one person that voted for him is. Still is part of one of my favorite baseball moments of all time (The 1986 Mets).


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Classic TV Shows - Out Of This World



At some point in the late 80's good old Channel 9 here in NY, WWOR to the rest of the country, attempted to broadcast their own programming. Two shows were created and I remember seeing ads in almost every comic book I was reading at the time. The first show was "My Secret Identity" starring a young Jerry O'Connell and then this one..."My Secret Identity".

I honestly can't remember watching an entire episode of this show but I do remember three things. 1.) The very catchy but extremely annoying theme song (see below) that actually made me select this as today's write up; 2.) The weird prism thing that Edie would talk to was voiced by Burt Reynolds (going uncredited) and 3.) The weird electricity that Edie would shoot out of her hands to do special tricks.

The credits below explain the basis of the show. Its basically about an alien who comes to earth and knocks up a human and she gives birth to Edie. I don't recognize any of the supporting cast being in anything else so hopefully these actors aren't licking the curb or turning tricks somewhere in Los Angeles. I always thought the actress who played Edie was cute and my then 11 year old prayers were answered in 1993's B-Movie classic "Teenage Bonnie and Klepto Clyde" when Edie really showed us her orbs from outer space.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Pet Peeve's - People with Three Word Names

Quick hit today.

I caught a bit of the Alabama/Utah football game last week and lord help me if I hear that stupid name John Parker Wilson one more time. I don't understand why people go around promoting their middle name. I understand why some women use their maiden name and hyphenate it like Hillary Rodham-Clinton but that's a last name thing...I'm talking about people who use their middle names as well.

This gets me going for some reason...I just really can't stand people who have three word names. A few examples.

1.) John David Booty - He was the QB for USC a couple of years ago. I think I hated him more because according to Brent Musberger "afraid to get hit". Hello?!? You're a quarterback...you're supposed to take a hit every now and then.

2.) Charles Nelson Reilly - He was on a lot of game shows in the 70's and 80's like the Match Game and Holly Wood Squares. I think I hate him because he made a career out of being on game shows which in my mind is completely awesome. Alec Baldwin did a killer impression of him on Saturday Night Live (its on the Will Ferrell greatest SNL moments Volume 1).

3.) Sarah Jessica Parker - she peaked in terms of looks in L.A. Story back in 1991 but that SEVENTEEN YEARS ago. Maybe its her character Carrie blending in with her real life persona but I can't stand her one bit.

Hmmmm...those are the only four I can think of at the moment but if you're out there and you use three names...forgive me if I initially dislike you.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Classic Videos - Open Your Heart By Madonna



Holy crap, I completely forgot about this video growing up as it totally blew my mind. I think I was 8 or 9 when it came out so I didn't understand ANYTHING going on in the video.

I'm going to try write this from two mindsets...myself as a 9 year old and myself today. Let's go...




0:00-0:09:
9 year old me: Cool sign, by why is she on top of that guy strangling him?

Me today: That's a prime example of banana breasts.

:10
9 year old me: Wow, cool kid...check out his groovy outfit.

Me today: What a douche bag that kid looks like.

:16-:22
9 year old me: Hey that changing eyes thing with your hand is neat.

Me today: Dammit, stop moving the screen around so I can get a close up of that naked girl on the poster.

:32
9 year old me: Cool...sailors!

Me today: WTF are two guys in sailor suits doing there?!?

:34-:41
9 year old me: Wow, she looks pretty.

Me today: Madonna in her absolute PRIME...the only knock is her short haircut but who cares...yum!

1:00-1:02
9 year old me: That's funny...she's doing a neat looking stretch with her thighs using that chair.

Me today: Sean Penn was a very lucky man.

1:09-1:12
9 year old me: Cool dance moves!

Me today: I love awkward 80's music video choreography.

1:20
9 year old me: What is that kid trying to do here?

Me today: What is that kid trying to do here?

1:21-1:44
9 year old me: Are those pictures or real people in the background? That purple suit looks very dapper. All of those other people watching her sure are funny looking.

Me today: God Dammit, stop cutting away from Madonna dancing!!!

1:45-2:13
9 year old me: I would love to be one of those guys in the video.

Me today: I'd love to be that chair in the video.

2:20
9 year old me: I like how that guy moves his eyebrows real quick after she shoots the picture with a fake gun.

Me today: I like how that guy moves his eyebrows real quick after she shoots the picture with a fake gun.

2:22-2:54
9 year old me: This dancing is boring me...go back to the funny people watching her dance with the windows opening and closing.

Me today: Ahhhh, yes...perfect.

2:55
9 year old me: How can this little kid keep doing that weird hand move?

Me today: How can this little kid be so obsessed with this picture?

3:05-3:14
9 year old me: That little kid can sure dance!

Me today: Ripped off from numerous Michael Jackson videos including the top hat.

3:15-3:20
9 year old me: Uh-oh, why are the men getting mad at each other?

Me today: I can think of 100 reasons why and 99 of them are probably X-rated.

3:24-3:29
9 year old me: Wow, Madonna just gave him a kiss on the lips!

Me today: Hah, Madonna just gave that kid herpes.

3:34-3:39
9 year old me: Now they're dancing together...how fun that looks...and they have similar outfits.

Me today: Ugh, this is so corny. I'm going to punch my 9 year old self now for liking this part.

3:40-3:54
9 year old me: Whoa, check out those funky moves!

Me today: It looks they're having seizures. They almost look like when two geese get into a fight when one gets to close to the other's family.

3:55- 4:00
9 year old guy: What is he saying?

Me today: I'm serious...What is he saying?

4:02- end
9 year old me: They're dancing off into the sunrise...oh well, time to play with my Transformers!

Me today: I almost need a cold shower...its time to pay the bills.