Movie Review - Orphan

Its been waaaaay too long since I posted something. Between my job (I need money to live) and personal stuff (this is where I talk about a fight I had with an major illness...but I really was just lazy), I had little time to devote to this site. That will hopefully change.

I'm going to change gears for a little while and focus on movie reviews. I'll still throw in other things but movies are easy to bang out. The movies being reviewed will be a mix of old and new. They will also NOT BE SPOILER FREE so if you haven't seen the movie being reviewed and want to see it DON'T READ THE REVIEW. First up...The Orphan.

Circumstances seeing this movie:
I saw this movie a few weeks ago after somebody telling my wife that the twist at the end is AWESOME. Thankfully it had been running on Showtime so I DVRed it and watched it over two days.

Plot Overview:
A married couple (not necessarily happily married) are still getting over the loss of a miscarriage. They decide to adopt but instead of adopting a newborn baby, or at least a child under the age of 3, they decide to adopt a 9 year old girl found in an orphanage in Russia...HUGE MISTAKE!!!



Quickie Review:
Not a bad movie, not a great one. Trying to figure out what the orphan girl's true intentions were interesting but when they are revealed, I was a little disappointed. I was impressed at how far fetched the twist was and that someone would think of that but this movie would be thrown in jail by the common sense police.

Common Sense Violations:
1.) How about the twist...THE ORPHAN IS ACTUALLY A 33 YEAR OLD WOMAN WITH A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT MAKES HER LOOK LIKE A 9 YEAR OLD GIRL!!! Plus, she's fascinated with the Dads that have adopted her in the past...so much so that she'll kill anyone that gets in her way. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? As I said before, I'll give a 10 for the originality of the twist, but a 2 for seeing how that twist ties to a movie. The closest thing I could I think of would be Webster or Gary Coleman being adopted by a family and they fall in love with the mother and kill the Dad.

2.) The fact that the father completely ignores all signs that the orphan is a psycho. He throws his wife of probably 5-10 years under the bus and trusts this new child he met 6 months ago completely. Fine, he wouldn't know that she's really as old as she really is...but to not at least see that she's up to no good? WAKE THE F' UP!!!

3.) I don't understand the relationship between the husband and wife...one minute they're having risque sex in the kitchen and shortly thereafter he teases her about prior drinking problems and tries to get her committed. I don't get that....then again, he was probably really horny and just wanted to get some action. Guys are mean/cool like that sometimes.



Scenes I liked:
1.) The sort of sex scene in the kitchen. Good stuff there for a non-nudity scene...but I dare any parents of small children to try this while the sun is still out.

2.) All scenes with the Orphan involving the other kids. Knowing the twist now, she's one mean 33 year old woman.

3.) The scene where the Orphan shows how good of a piano player she is plus the mother's reaction to it. Pretty creepy and the song she plays is really cool too.

4.) The fact that the father dies...movies usually let the good people live at the end or just kill the family pet. NOT THIS ONE!

Let's cut the shit Hungieman, is there any sex/nudity?
This movie is mammary free...but the sex scene is pretty good for not showing any boobs...the lead actress has nice cleavage

Recommended?
Probably only the same circumstances I saw it under...it was on cable and I had the ability to record it to watch at my leisure.



Final review:
5 out of 10.