Thursday, December 1, 2011

Top 30 Music Vidoes of all Time - Number 18 - "Voices That Care" By THE MOST RANDOM ASSEMBLY OF PEOPLE ANYWHERE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

Though not a high-tech gimmicky video by any means, this video is on the list just for the sheer randomness of the people involved in this video. It's like taking a snapshot of who was relevant back in 1991.

The background of this video was that the U.S. was in Kuwait and fighting with Iraq. It was the first sort of war since the Vietnam War ended 16 years before. Since music had been successful in the past for causes like local hunger ("Do They Know It's Christmastime") and Ethiopian world wide sized hunger ("We Are The World"), it was a no brainer to put together a song by a bunch of singers to raise awareness for our troops in the Middle East.

Before analyzing this video, let's take a look at the three MVP slots of the prior two charity songs:

"Do They Know It's Christmastime" - Bono, George Michael, Sting

"We Are The World" - Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder

"Voices That Care" - Michael Bolton, Celine Dion, Will Smith

As you can see, that's a huge dropoff. In fact, just about all of the singers (and random actors that appear at the end) are probably all B list celebrities at best these days. Let's take a look:

***This turned into a long breakdown...I recommend opening the video in another window to following along. Beleive me when I say the celebrity sightings come fast and furious...especially at the end.

0:00 - I'm not sure who this of New Edition? Still, I love the transition over to Randy Travis.

0:17 - Ahhhh, a young Celine Dion. She was probably fresh from her Beauty and the Beast song and that "Where Does My Heart Beat Now" single. I still find it creepy that she married her manager who knew her since she was 13 and he was 40 at the time.

0:29 - One of my favorite voices of all time...Mr. Peter "Glory Of Love" Cetera. He actually co-wrote this song. Sadly, this would be one of the last relevant moments of his career though he lives on forever in weddings ("You're The Inspiration"), desperate men trying to salvage their relationships ("If You Leave Me Now"), and a photo montage of a couple about to get married ("Just You And Me"...I actually did this at my rehearsal dinner).

0:40 - It's Mr. Bobby Brown having a coke induced seizure singing next to what looks like the female half of Ashford and Simpson.

0:50 - The lead singer of Warrant? He died earlier this year I believe.

0:54 - Another deceased singer, the smooth silky voice of Luther Vandross. He gets a prime roll here singing the first chrous...good for him.

1:03 - In what seems like a dream sequence, you see Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson. Magic looks like he's wearing a priest outfit here.

1:07 - Now things are just getting weird...Ahmad Rashad, Dominque Wilkens, and somebody with a press badge appear. I hated Ahmad Rashad with a passion growing up. He seemed like a huge phony, licked Michael Jordan's asshole sucking up to him all the time, and he was married to Mrs. Huxtable from "The Cosby Show".

1:10 - A blink and you'll miss it cameo from David Robinson aka "The Admiral"...what a dumb nickname.

1:24 - A young Garth Brooks. What's happened to him this century? He would seem prime for a comeback if he wanted to...I used to hate him a lot too growing up. "Friends In Low Places" used to piss me off for some reason. Anyway, I have no idea who he's singing with here.

1:36 - The sound of two angels farting...Nelson.

1:48 - One of the greatest "OHHHHs" of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, the immortal Michael Bolton. I think every year for the past ten years, I find another song of his that I didn't know was him and end up buying it. "How Can We Be Lovers" and "I'm Back On My Feet Again" are two underrated me.

2:05 - Bringing the 1950's and the 1990's together...Little Richard.

2:08 - Fah shnizzle, its Will off of "Parents Just Don't Understand" and "Nightmare On My Street"? Love the little rap here. That's a hot jacket he's wearing too.

2:36 - In an ode to his classic video "Money For Nothing" with the weird color streams, here's Mark Knopfler drawing the short straw to do the guitar solo for this song. I'm not sure who's the guy next to him in the purple golf vest.

2:43 - More coked up Bobby Brown and the Warrant guy gets some more face time, though he's sort of mimicing Tom Petty's late 80's look with the cowboy hat, sunglasses, and pale complexion.

3:00 - This just about seals the deal that this is from the 90's. Kenny G, the lord of the clarisaxophone.

3:07 - Time for the all star celebrity choir to arrive. Kenny Rogers, Whoopi Goldberg, Chevy Chase, a serious looking Kurt Russel, William Shatner, Mike Tyson (WTF!), James Woods, Meryl Streep, Brian Bosworth, Wayne Gretzky (in black in white), Ted Danson....

3:25 - Oh Celine...we know you pandered for the big spot in this song. Your husband/grandfather strongarmed somebody into this. Then again, I have to admit that your voice is BY FAR the best one on this record.

3:30 - Things start to get really crazy now with cameos. Let's blow through the ones not mentioned yet really quick and include a snarky comment on each one.

3:35 - Richard Gere (gerbil?)
3:41 - Billy Crystal (with bad beard)
3:43 - Alyssa Milano (pre boob job?...can't tell)
3:44 - Sally Field (her agent said "if Chevy Chase is in this video, then god damn it, I will be in it too!"
3:45 - Fred Savage (who gives Alyssa Milano a nice look down)
3:49 - Downtown Julie Brown (who gets trashed by her peers in the new MTV Biography)
3:50 - Dudley Moore! (loved this guy in the Father/Son body switch movie with Kirk Cameron)3:56 - Jon Lovitz (Never mind Chevy Chase, it was Jon Lovitz who Sally Field said that if he was in this video, she can be in it too.)
3:59 - Sissy Spacek ("Its all for YOU Carrie...its all for YOU")
4:05 - Harry Hamlin (star of one of Cinemax's greatest erotic thrillers, "Save Me" me, watch this movie)
4:08 - Marilu Henner (her memory would allow her to know exactly how many takes it took Bobby Brown to get his part right).
4:10 - Orel Hershiser (greatest first name ever).
4:12 - Henry Winkler (aka The Fonz)
4:16 - Kevin Costner (with the greatest shit eating grin)
4:18 - Michelle Pfieffer (I always thought her last name was pronounced 'pah-fife-her")
4:23 - Brooke Shields (how many chances did sher have in her career)
4:29 - Lindsey Wagner (the $6,000,000 woman)
4:33 - Debbie Gibson (I'd be very nervous if I was her standing next to Mike Tyson...)

4:41 - One of music history's greatest mysteries...who the heck is this guy? Wikipedia says his name is "Warren Wiebe" and that he was a career backup vocalist. Regardless, to get the final vocal spot in a HUGE charity song, something had be going down behind the scenes.

4:56 - My favorite cameo. Its the guy with the blond sort of crew cut and thick glasses...I don't
know his name but he was in the movie "Total Recall" playing one of the bad guys who chases after Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's prominently featured in the scene with the three breasted stripper.

5:00 - Ugh, Don King...he shoehorns himself into everything.

5:02 - KENNY! Why didn't they let you sing a line like they did in "We Are The World"?

GOOD LORD!!! I think this is greatest video in terms of having a snapshot of pop culture in a certain time EVER. I mean, someone should put the last two minutes of this video into a time capsule to be opened in a 100 years to see how terribly awesome the late 80's early 90's were.

No comments: