Monday, September 20, 2010

Butter!!! (1980's Style)

Butter! Oh salty, greasy, high calorie flavor adding goodness, you don't get enough respect these days that you used to back in the 1980's. Now everyone says that you're the cause of things like HEART DISEASE....HIGH CHOLESTEROL....and OBESITY. For centuries, you were the toast of the food world but now crazy nutritionists are talking about how people should be using cheap substitutes like margarine...or even not using butter at all...bleeeecchhhh.

Even your commercials are dumbed down now. Check out this commercial made by the Dairy Association back in 80's...

Haha! Was that guy enjoying his butter coated food...OR HAVING SEX WITH IT?!? Was that an out of work 80's porn actor with those facial expressions? And did you see how much butter he was pouring on those hot dogs around the :24 second mark? And who puts butter on a pan full of mushrooms anymore? I'd be in orgasmic bliss too!

And how about old friend Molly McButter?

OK so it wasn't really butter...but you can sprinkle it over anything to add some flavor. Sure it was it was loaded with extra salt that cause diabetes but HOLY CRAP, DID YOU CHECK OUT THE AWESOME BLUE SCARF THE LADY IS WEARING?!?

And of course you have the classic Parkay.

SUCK IT COUNTRY CROCK! Good Lord, did you see how much butter this guy put on his bread at the :17 second mark? No way this actor is alive today. This commercial made me plead with my parents to buy Parkay so I could talk to and befriend my butter. Alas, as much as I tried to to coax a simple "parkaaaay" out of it, it never happened.

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