Monday, September 8, 2008

Top 6 Worst Candy/Candy Bars

A couple of weeks ago, I touched on my top 10 candy bars growing up. Let's take a look at some of the worst.

6.) Fruit Stripe Gum - Gum is supposed to be sugary and taste like, you know gum. Instead, a company thought it would be a good idea to blend the flavor of fruit to the familiar taste of gum. Add some colorful and catchy packaging and you have Fruit Stripe Gum. I have no idea what the donkey/horse logo stood for. I'm not sure if it exists today but if it does, you've been warned.

5.) Razzles - Its a candy, no wait its a gum...what's that you say...its both!!! Each piece of circular candy had a letter on it. I actually enjoyed Razzles at first but it was because they had this contest where if you've spelled out the word "RAZZLES" you'd win a prize (probably 100 cases of Razzles). Since I was a sucker for contests, I bought a lot of these only to never find the most common letter of the alphabet...the god d*mn "E". Maybe that's why I don't like them anymore. Having your dreams shattered at age 8 is hard to get over.

4.) Satellite Wafers - I'm not sure what exactly what these candies were...they were hollow, looked like flying saucers and came in a bunch of different colors but it was the only candy, good or bad, that had absolutely NO FLAVOR. It tasted like chalk, or at least I'm assuming that's what chalk would have tasted like. My wife apparently used these for the communion when she and her sister played "church" as kids...I'm sure they both tasted exactly the same. The Satellite Wafer's super hot cousin was the Bleep which you could find in most supermarket vending machines and was super sour and hard as a rock.

3.) Chuckles - I don't mind gum drops that much, though you don't see them packaged as candy anymore these days. Chuckles though was a gum drop on steroids. They were HUGE and you only got five per pack and they were always the same colors. I didn't mind the green or yellow ones but hated the black one so therefore I was only enjoying 80% of the candy which is a rip off in my eyes. Luckily my parents loved the black ones so at least it didn't go to waste.

2.) Good & Plenty - Its never good when a candy looks like pills much less white and purple pills. What's worse is that they were candy coated licorice that tasted terrible. This was one of my Mom's favorite candies when I was growing up and every time I tried it, I just couldn't handle it. I once tried to break off the candy coating to avoid the licorice part but it took 20 pieces just to get a thimble's worth of the candy coating in my hand. Plenty? Absolutely. Good? I beg to differ.

1.) A stick of gum from a 1987 pack of Topps Baseball Cards - In 2003 a buddy of mine got tickets to a Boston Red Sox game at Fenway. Outside Fenway, a guy was selling old packs of baseball cards. Just for fun, I bought an old pack of Topps from 1987. I had completely forgotten that Topps would include a piece of gum back then and lo and behold, I held in my hand a 16 year old piece of pink sugary goodness. I had heard that it takes seven years for gum to digest so a piece of undigested gum must still be good. After putting it in my mouth, I quickly realized that gum is not meant to be preserved for over 2 years much less 16. The gum shrank to a quarter of its size as soon as my saliva hit it and the juices I swallowed were most likely the preservatives used to keeping it look like a piece of gum. I couldn't chew through it and about 30 seconds later it found the ground only it wouldn't stick to anything. The next time you find yourself at a baseball card show, be careful!

Other honorable mentions:
1.) Peeps - not a big fan of marshmallows and it was odd biting the head off of a bird shaped candy.
2.) Necco Wafers - The only flavor/color I liked was the hot pink or white ones. The rest were too chalky or the flavors were too random.
3.) Baby Ruth - Something about a combination of raisins and nuts in a candy bar never sounded good.
4.) Mounds - See above and add in coconuts.


Anonymous said...

last I checked Baby Ruth hasn't got any raisins in it. would sloth love chunk if it did?

Perhaps you should eat one and break down the experience for us.

Lucky said...

I just had a mini Baby Ruth the other day and it didn't have raisins in it. Maybe you are thinking of raisinettes? Those are disgusting. The all time worst candy in my opinion is NECCOS, which are basically colored chalk.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, baby ruth doesnt have raisins, and are actually quite good.

Hungieman, I think you need to issue a retraction buddy.

Anonymous said...

Baby Ruth's are the best candy bar and there are NO raisins in them. How could you screw that up?

The worst candies are:

- Neccos
- Mounds
- Raisinettes
- Almond Joy
- Zagnut
- Squirrel Nut Zippers

- Gobstopper

Hungieman said...

I completely messed up the Baby Ruth issue...thank god I only said it as an honorable mention. After thinking about more, I meant to say Almond Joy. "Almond Joy has nuts, Mounds don't"

You guys are tough!