Happy...er...Holidays?

God I love Catholics and their goofy Christmas pageants...

The Old Heave Ho

I've been swamped with work lately so it would take a lot to make me post something.

This is that something...

The Most Intense Candy Bar Commercial Ever?

"Nestle' tastes the very best...N E S T L E S."

This damn song from one of the dumbest commercials still worms its way into my head every now and then. I figured I'd look at the commercial where it came from.



Talk about sappy high production values. I love the dude in the beginning. I wish I could see the singer singing this song in the recording booth. Instrumentally, it sounds like it could be a deleted music cue from "The Neverending Story". And how about those background vocals at the 0:15 mark? At least it ends happily with the preppy guy end the girl on the swing ready to enjoy their candy bar together.

Not too many commercials can have the words "creamy white" in it without it being indecent.

I never bought a Nestle bar before, but this song has stayed with me for over 20 years now.

New American Idol Judge Steven Tyler

Greatest concert moment ever?

Sizzler

Family dinner night! In today's households with little kids this might mean a trip to Appleby's, T.G.I.Fridays, Buffalo Wild Wings, or Friendlys. About 20 years ago, those options were more limited to Bennigans and...well Friendlys I guess. One of these places that will always hold a special place in my heart (and rectum) is Sizzler.

Sizzler had a brilliant concept for little kids. It was basically a buffet full of high fat but delicious food and did I mention it was a buffet? That meant one could mix macaroni and cheese, with a taco, with a chicken finger, with a slice of pizza...HEAVEN to an 8 year old.

Even better was the dessert bar, full of help yourself soft serve ice cream and about gazillion different toppings. Sometimes I wouldn't even eat the ice cream and just go for the toppings....ever have dish full of hot fudge syrup and chocolate chips? Well, I have and its quite tasty!

Sadly, Sizzler slowly closed down their locations and there are a handful left. I had thought it had gone completely out of business until I stumbled across one when I lived in Bayside Queens. My roommate and I went to check it out, to relive our youth, only to find that something terrible had happened in between then and now. We had actually developed good eating habits. After 15 years of not going to a Sizzler and then going back to eat the fried greasy goodness, the food wrecked havoc on our insides. Within a few minutes of eating the main course, I felt my stomach rumbling and if I didn't get home to a bathroom there was going to be some serious consequences. The same thing was happening to my roommate and we bolted out of there and ran a few red lights to get back to our apartment. Let's just say my sphincter was sizzling that night as well.

So to the Sizzler, I say thank you for the memories of your exquisite buffets and mouthwatering dessert bars. I have grown too old for you now but I know that if I ever need an enema of any kind, I can walk through your doors and gorge myself on your plethora of heart attack inducing items.

I almost need to use the bathroom just watching this...

Goodbye David Hasselhoff

Though he was just elimiated on Dancing With The Stars, he still has his royalty checks from this commercial he shot for Carls Jr. hamburger chain.

Butter!!! (1980's Style)

Butter! Oh salty, greasy, high calorie flavor adding goodness, you don't get enough respect these days that you used to back in the 1980's. Now everyone says that you're the cause of things like HEART DISEASE....HIGH CHOLESTEROL....and OBESITY. For centuries, you were the toast of the food world but now crazy nutritionists are talking about how people should be using cheap substitutes like margarine...or even not using butter at all...bleeeecchhhh.

Even your commercials are dumbed down now. Check out this commercial made by the Dairy Association back in 80's...



Haha! Was that guy enjoying his butter coated food...OR HAVING SEX WITH IT?!? Was that an out of work 80's porn actor with those facial expressions? And did you see how much butter he was pouring on those hot dogs around the :24 second mark? And who puts butter on a pan full of mushrooms anymore? I'd be in orgasmic bliss too!

And how about old friend Molly McButter?



OK so it wasn't really butter...but you can sprinkle it over anything to add some flavor. Sure it was it was loaded with extra salt that cause diabetes but HOLY CRAP, DID YOU CHECK OUT THE AWESOME BLUE SCARF THE LADY IS WEARING?!?

And of course you have the classic Parkay.



SUCK IT COUNTRY CROCK! Good Lord, did you see how much butter this guy put on his bread at the :17 second mark? No way this actor is alive today. This commercial made me plead with my parents to buy Parkay so I could talk to and befriend my butter. Alas, as much as I tried to to coax a simple "parkaaaay" out of it, it never happened.

Top 5 Hall and Oates Songs

In the world of the IPOD and the music industry geared towards singles, its hard for current artists to really gather a long lasting body of work in terms of the pop charts. It still happens today...Beyonce...Rihanna...Nickelback (I just threw up the chowder I had for lunch after that one) but you're probably not going to see too many "Greatest Hits" CD's from most of today's popular artists.

Alright, I'm getting off my soapbox. I want to talk about the all time best selling duo in the history of records...yes they've sold more than such duos like Simon and Garfunkel, Seals and Croft, Tears For Fears, and Coverdale/Page...alright, maybe that wasn't too hard for them to do. But still, you cannot deny the power and back catalog of Daryl Hall and John Oates.

I've already talked about how Hall and Oates was the very first tape I ever bought (Big Bam BOOM). It was recently that I stumbled across a few of their songs I had on my IPOD and before I knew it, I was transported back to 1985 all over again.

Hall and Oates DOMINATED the 80's...they were the Mike Tyson of the Billboard Charts. I won't name them all but from 1980-1990 they pretty much had hit singles every year (including six #1 hits). I seem to gravitate towards the early 1980's Hall and Oates versus the later part of the 80's with this list of their top 5 songs. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be...

#5. "Kiss On My List"

Not the first song when somebody thinks of Hall and Oates but god DAMN if this song doesn't include the recipe for a textbook H&O classic. Uptempo beat, perfect harmony background vocals, great melodies, and an awesome bridge. I'm a huge fan of the Rock Band video game series and I think this would be an excellent song to add. Very underrated guitar solo here too.




#4. I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)

Probably one of the most famous and sampled bass lines from the 1980's, this is a MONSTER song. Again, it has another great bridge (the "I'll do anything, that you want me to" part) and amazing harmony vocals. If you like this song as much as I do, I would check out Simply Red's semi-cover version called "Sunrise".

I never did know what the "that" is in reference to the song title.

I always liked the video for this song too. Some things to look out for... the beginning...talk about bright light and smoke machines...Daryl Hall's hair...John Oates terrible attempt at lip syncing is on full display at the 1:21 mark...the saxophone player really having nothing to do with the video but acting like he's part of the band...where's the bass player?!? This video must have taken $1,000 to make.




3.) "Maneater"

This song came out when I was 4 years old...it scared me. That spooky saxophone that plays in the beginning was what did it for me. It sounded like an upbeat dark song if that was possible. Now nearly 30 years later, its full of really ambitious musical ideas. An echoed saxophone solo? How brilliantly simple. Another iconic bass line. Daryl Hall's ad lib singing at the end is great including my favorite ad lib of all time "the woman is wild Oooooooohhhh!!!" at the 4:05 mark of the below video.

Speaking the video, things to look out for. The band "frozen" at the beginning as the camera zooms in on Hall...Hall dancing with only his shoulders at the :48 mark...Oates iconic mullet and mustache never looked better...its the former bandleader of Saturday Night Live at the 1:42 and 2:30 mark, G.E. Smith!..the bass player finger snap at the 2:10 mark...the echoed sax solo. The best moment is Oates miming the "OOOOOoooo!!!" part that Hall sings at the 3:28 mark. Good stuff!




2.) "Private Eyes"

Sing it now..."private eyes are watching you , they see your every moooove". This was probably the hardest Hall and Oates ever got and probably the most guitar they ever used in a song, and damn, do I like that! Another song full of just flat out perfect melodies.

The video always put this one over the top for me. See below and check out the following...the magnifying glass at the 0:18 second mark...the entire band posing for the camera but the bass player just stands there motionless in the middle...the Private investigator outfits at the :47 mark...Oates brief moment at the forefront and mugging for the camera at the 1:28 mark...the "mirroresque" guitar solo at the 1:59 mark that Prince would use to much better use in his "When Doves Cry" video a FULL TWO YEARS LATER...the last minute is just blissed out 1980's.




1.) "One On One"

Yes, its a ballad...but I am huge sucker for ballads. I am also a sucker for great bass playing and this song has one of the most underrated playing in a pop song. I am also a sucker for falsettos (high voices) and Daryl Hall has one of the better ones around. The final minute and a half is a master class in singing. This is almost the perfect pop ballad song and if you can't get a woman's heart to melt over this song...then you're in a seriously troubled relationship.

Just soak the song and video in...the only comment I'll make is that the 1:00 to 1:22 and 1:42 to 2:00 mark shows just how awesomely cheesy the 1980's were.





Honorable mentions:
"You Make My Dreams"
"Out Of Touch"
"Everything Your Heart Desires"
"Say It Ain't So"
"Family Man"
"She's Gone"

There's too many!!!

Oregon Trail - NFL Style

I loved playing Oregon Trail on the PC. Who couldn't resist the thought of you and your closest pals setting forth across the United States in an attempt to start a new life out west? Of course it was a lot easier than it seemed. Between running out of food, your wagon breaking down, bad weather, and of course your wagon sinking while trying cross the numerous rivers, this game was hard as hell. It did help me pick up a lot of vocabulary and phrases that I had never heard of before at the time. These include:

1.) "Caulk the wagon"
2.) "Attempt to ford the river"
3.) Dysentery
4.) Grueling
5.) Cholera
6.) Meager
7.) Bare bones
8.) Rear Axel

What made the game genius was two things...1.) being able to name specific people in the game and 2.) hunting for food. Seeing my Dad get a snake bite or my old friend Dan suffer from exhaustion always made me laugh. Of course it was sad when people died but you did get to put a little epitaph on their tombstone which I always thought was classy (even if you wrote something like "Here lies Mike, he liked tongue kissing old men").

This leads to the below video. Someone had the genius idea of combining the original Oregon Trail with the NFL. It talks a lot about the 2009 season (Favre retiring again from the Jets but then signing with the Vikings...Dante Stallworth's running over somebody...Tom Brady's season opening injury...Plaxico Burress shooting himself...Michael Vick's dog killing, etc.) and its pretty well put together.

I'm sorry for the advertisement in the beginning...its worth it though trust me.

Dancing Ninjas

What do you get when you mix a classic PC game Karateka with a hardcore DMX song?

DANCING NINJAS!

Not sure why this makes me laugh...I love this song.

Classic Cartoons - Voltron

"And I'll form....the HEAD".

I'm not sure about you but I've uttered that line at least a few times in my life (not sure what the context would for saying that though). Anyway, it's one of those unintentionally funny lines from movies or TV shows that I like to say from time to time (Others include "You had your chance but you BLEW it!!!" from Cop Land, "I'm afraid alright?!? I'm afraid!!!" from Rocky 3, and "It's game over man...game over!" from Aliens").

Anyway, the above line comes from one of the more underrated cartoons from the 1980's...Voltron. There was a version of Voltron that included 15 vehicles forming Voltron but to me, the classic version is the one with the five lions.

I was mesmerized by the action in the show. The episodes were pretty formulaic. The bad guy would release some evil creature, called Robo Beasts, onto the world and it would be up to five individual guys (actually four guys and one princess) in their respective lions to stop it. Mind you, the individual lions NEVER won so they always ended up having to form Voltron and usually slice the robo-beast in half and everyone goes happy.

The best part of every episode of Voltron was the when the lions formed Voltron. God damn, I tried to reenact this so many times when I was 7 years old trying to contort my body into one of the lions shapes like a leg or an arm but of course I ended up falling over or straining something.

In any event, the iconic line "AND I'LL FORM....THE HEAD" is something I wouldn't mind on my tombstone.

Here's the transformation sequence...I'd try to do those moves again but unlike straining my then little kid self back in the day, I'd probably give my now older self a heart attack.

1988 World Series Game 1 - RBI Baseball Style

RBI Baseball for Nintendo was a pioneer for all sports video games. It was one of the first games (at least the first baseball game) to use real players. Sure the gameplay was clunky and the graphics very old school, I was now able to have Rafael Santana compete for league MVP and Sid Fernandez for the Cy Young Award. This blew my then 10 year old mind.

Thankfully someone has taken the original gameplay, made some adjustments, and reenacted Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. This game also marked a huge day in blossoming love of sports and features of one of the greatest moments of my childhood...Kirk Gibson's famous home run.

A few things I love about it.

1.) It features one of the greatest video game announcers of all time...Vin Scully (see MLB 1998-2001 on the original PlayStation).

2.) Joe Gargiola was an underrated analysis. I always forget him.

3.) One of my all time favorite sayings by an announcer...Vin Scully's "you talk about a roll of the dice...this is it!". (at the 4:50 mark)

4.) The instant reply of the stolen base using rudimentary graphics(9:10-9:30 mark).

5.) Even with video game graphics, the Gibson home run gives me chills every time.

How To Pick Up Another Man's Wife

Running The Bases At A Blazing Speed

Words can't really describe this. Actually there is one...AWESOME.

The Auto Tuner

To me, the music industry is in the toilet today. Anybody can have a hit song regardless of how bad their voice is. Take a look at hack singers like Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Jamie Foxx, Kanye West, Ke$ha, and even Britney Spears. Its all about images and looking good. The auto tune has exploded all over music the past few years but its been around for awhile. Daft Punk uses it a lot (along with vocoders which are pretty cool) and until a few years ago, the biggest example of it was in the Cher song "Believe".

Here are some better examples of the auto tune...first up is one of my all time favorite songs growing up. I didn't know how the singers made their voices go that high until a few years ago when the auto tune became much more popular. I love the high pitched vocals around the 1:40 mark ("wedding ring...." then really high "weeeeddding riiingg")




Next up is a scene from The Simpsons from 2002 or maybe 2003 that parodies exactly how anybody can sing. Right around the 1:00 minute mark is what you're looking for (sorry about the not so great quality).




Lastly, the auto tune works well with just flat out comedy. Check out this scene from the show "Intervention". This man's family finally gets through to him and he lets out a primal scream at the :17 second mark. Here's the clip.




Funny all by itself right? Well let's see what an auto-tune does to it.




Just goes to show that anybody can sing. Can we get another Grunge like movement happening soon???

When Fireworks Go Wrong

Keep this little video in mind the next time you go to a Fireworks night at a baseball game. I love the guy shouting "oh no, oh no, OH NOOOOO!!!"

I'm assuming nobody got hurt here...

Prank Call Of The Weekend - Casey Kasem calls a Chinese Restaurant

I love fake celebrity prank calls. Thankfully there's a healthy amount of them on YouTube. From time to time, I'll post an all time favorite of mine.

First up is long time Top 40 Countdown announcer Casey Kasem calling a Chinese Restaurant to place an order. Since Chinese restaurants mainly use numbers to place orders, you can bet hilarity ensues.

Taken from the Howard Stern show...

All Time Favorite Songs - Save A Prayer

Of course taken from Live Aid. This was the last time the original members of Duran Duran played together until their reunion in 2001.

Good stuff...great song...and one of the best lines ever in a song ("some people call it a one night stand but we can call it paradise").

Classic Commercials - Apex Tech

I watched a lot of WOR (channel 9), WPIX (channel 11), and Fox (Channel 5) growing up here in New York mainly because those were the stations that had cartoons as well as classic 80's shows in syndication like Diff'rent Strokes, Facts Of Life, and Mr. Belvedere. Because these stations were local, you get local commercials. One I remember as a kid involved a mythical place called Apex Tech.

I had no idea what Apex Tech was other than the fact it seemed that a friendly bald headed guy would tell you how important it was to be able to fix car engines, repair a refrigerator, and most importantly service air conditioners. Students appeared to be working very hard around him. His classic sign off "Now I can't call you, you have to the take the first step" is legendary.

I had forgotten about Apex Tech until I was walking down 6th Avenue in Manhattan a couple of weeks ago and stumbled across this and nearly crapped my pants...

It was almost like running into an old friend from elementary school you hadn't seen in years. The memories started coming back and I almost wanted to walk across the street to see if that affable bald headed instructor was still there (or still alive since its been nearly 20 years). Thankfully somebody on YouTube posted one of the old commercials. The audio isn't the greatest but it includes one of the greatest catch phrases of my early years...

Glory days of public access TV...

The Voice Of God vs. The Scary Preacher Guy in Poltergeist 2

Sad news from the sports world yesterday as it was announced that New York Yankee public address announcer Bob Shepard died. Hearing the report was funny in that many people said that he "believed to be" 99 years old. I'm not sure why he wouldn't confirm his age so close to 100 years old but that's not the point here.

After seeing pictures of Bob Shepard, I realized two things:

1.) He had a lot of liver spots all over his face and head.

and

2.) He looked a lot like the preacher guy from Poltergeist 2. Remember him? All he wanted to do was take Carol Anne back to the promised land. He seemed like a nice guy but he looked very freaky and obviously had ulterior evil motives.

Anyway see below for the resemblance and tell me I'm wrong...

How Hard Was This??? Live Aid Elton John

I'm a HUGE sucker for the original Live Aid concert...with the wife away this weekend, I'm catching up with it again. The Elton John set intrigues me. First of all, he appears to completely coked out. Then, not only does he play a rare "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" with Kiki Dee, he actually gives up one of his most iconic songs to a very young George Michael to sing..."Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me". Watch the video and count how many times that Elton was DYING to join in. Of course the fact that he didn't, helped this become George Micheal's coming out party..."coming out" meaning that he was truly a solo superstar and not gay (that happened a few years later).


Good stuff here...and look out for Andrew Ridgley!!! (the soggy other half of WHAM)

Movie Review - Orphan

Its been waaaaay too long since I posted something. Between my job (I need money to live) and personal stuff (this is where I talk about a fight I had with an major illness...but I really was just lazy), I had little time to devote to this site. That will hopefully change.

I'm going to change gears for a little while and focus on movie reviews. I'll still throw in other things but movies are easy to bang out. The movies being reviewed will be a mix of old and new. They will also NOT BE SPOILER FREE so if you haven't seen the movie being reviewed and want to see it DON'T READ THE REVIEW. First up...The Orphan.

Circumstances seeing this movie:
I saw this movie a few weeks ago after somebody telling my wife that the twist at the end is AWESOME. Thankfully it had been running on Showtime so I DVRed it and watched it over two days.

Plot Overview:
A married couple (not necessarily happily married) are still getting over the loss of a miscarriage. They decide to adopt but instead of adopting a newborn baby, or at least a child under the age of 3, they decide to adopt a 9 year old girl found in an orphanage in Russia...HUGE MISTAKE!!!



Quickie Review:
Not a bad movie, not a great one. Trying to figure out what the orphan girl's true intentions were interesting but when they are revealed, I was a little disappointed. I was impressed at how far fetched the twist was and that someone would think of that but this movie would be thrown in jail by the common sense police.

Common Sense Violations:
1.) How about the twist...THE ORPHAN IS ACTUALLY A 33 YEAR OLD WOMAN WITH A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT MAKES HER LOOK LIKE A 9 YEAR OLD GIRL!!! Plus, she's fascinated with the Dads that have adopted her in the past...so much so that she'll kill anyone that gets in her way. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? As I said before, I'll give a 10 for the originality of the twist, but a 2 for seeing how that twist ties to a movie. The closest thing I could I think of would be Webster or Gary Coleman being adopted by a family and they fall in love with the mother and kill the Dad.

2.) The fact that the father completely ignores all signs that the orphan is a psycho. He throws his wife of probably 5-10 years under the bus and trusts this new child he met 6 months ago completely. Fine, he wouldn't know that she's really as old as she really is...but to not at least see that she's up to no good? WAKE THE F' UP!!!

3.) I don't understand the relationship between the husband and wife...one minute they're having risque sex in the kitchen and shortly thereafter he teases her about prior drinking problems and tries to get her committed. I don't get that....then again, he was probably really horny and just wanted to get some action. Guys are mean/cool like that sometimes.



Scenes I liked:
1.) The sort of sex scene in the kitchen. Good stuff there for a non-nudity scene...but I dare any parents of small children to try this while the sun is still out.

2.) All scenes with the Orphan involving the other kids. Knowing the twist now, she's one mean 33 year old woman.

3.) The scene where the Orphan shows how good of a piano player she is plus the mother's reaction to it. Pretty creepy and the song she plays is really cool too.

4.) The fact that the father dies...movies usually let the good people live at the end or just kill the family pet. NOT THIS ONE!

Let's cut the shit Hungieman, is there any sex/nudity?
This movie is mammary free...but the sex scene is pretty good for not showing any boobs...the lead actress has nice cleavage

Recommended?
Probably only the same circumstances I saw it under...it was on cable and I had the ability to record it to watch at my leisure.



Final review:
5 out of 10.

TGIF

I love this video...

The REAL Tiger Woods 2010 Masters Comeback Commercial

Things That Scared The Crap Out Of Me Growing Up - The Twilight Zone Intro

I had mentioned in an earlier post about movie scenes that frightened me when I was a little kid (http://hungieman.blogspot.com/2008/07/movies-to-make-you-cryin-fear.html). Another thing that always used to frighten me was the intro to the 1980's TV show "The Twilight Zone".

The Twilight Zone sort of rode the coattails of fantasy/horror anthology shows like "Amazing Stories" and "Tales From The Darkside". I enjoyed this show a lot as a little kid though I'm sure a ton of it went over my head. Anytime this show came on though, I had to leave the room because I hated the opening credits. Let's take a closer look.



0:00-0:07 - Right off the bat, you get some creepy music and a pull away camera shot through the window that then slams shut. This part I could handle.

0:10-0:18 - Now the room we're in fades out and we see this rotating ball that shows disturbing images. First up...a fetus! Mind you, I didn't know what a fetus was much less what one looked like (I was 8 when this show was on the air). It just looked like a messed up baby and babies are supposed to be cute right? Needless to say, this part made me run for the hills. Would this ever be allowed on TV today?

0:19-0:21 Okay, a tarantula. No problems here. I had learned in 3rd and 4th grade that tarantulas are friendly as long as you don't try to squish them.

0:22-0:23 Hmmmm...a carousel. Yes, those horses do have some pretty scary looks on their face but its a quick shot so I don't have much time to think about it until...

0:23-0:25 GAH! A China doll! I HATED these motherf*ckers growing up. They have that glassened look to them. The lighting on this shot makes it look even more creepy when its blinking. My second most scary shot, right below the fetus image.

0:27-0:29 Cool! An explosion! Wait what's that you said Dad? That's a nuclear explosion that would decimate most of the United States if one was dropped on us by those filthy Russians? But Dad, didn't you see Rocky IV? The Cold War is OVER.

0:30-0:51 The window is back but fades into the black and white image of Rod Serling, the original creator of the show before finally showing the title credit shot. You quickly hear the old Twilight Zone theme and then a pretty long fade out.

I actually loved the show itself and will seek it out on DVD one of these days but I'll always have the opening credit sequence as a founding member to the Scary Hall Of Fame in the back of mind.

Corey Haim's Greatest Role - "Blown Away"

Poor Corey Haim, he probably earned more money during his teen years than most of us will earn in our lifetime and he still found a way to piss it all away on drugs. Still, he had one heck of a run in the 1980's Let's take a closer look:

1.) Silver Bullet: I never watched the entire movie all the way through but must have stumbled across the last 10 minutes hundreds of time on HBO. All I know is that Corey is being chased by a guy in a werewolf suit and Gary Busey is yelling. That final scare when the werewolf guy reaches out after being shot in the eye is pretty cool.

2.) Lucas: Never saw this movie. Even as a 7 or 8 year old, I could sniff out a chick flick. I remember thinking the girl in this movie was cute though.

3.) License To Drive: Classic movie from my youth. Stupid but fun story and it has a random cast that features Heather Graham in one of her first roles as Mercedes and the dad from Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire plays the driving test guy. Good times here.

4.) The Lost Boys: I was too young to have seen this movie when it came out but when I did, I thought it was great. Another cool 80's cast too like Corey Feldman, Jason Patric, Dianne West, and hottie Jamie Gertz. Keifer Sutherland was never better in my opinion.

5.) Dream A Little Dream: Never saw this movie...again my ten year old mind couldn't connect with what this movie was about. Again, the girl in this move was hot.

Now the above five movies are probably what 99% of the critics discussed when he died. If you ask most guys in his early 30's about what his favorite movie was...I guarantee you they will say 1992's cult classic "Blown Away".

"Isn't Blown Away that Jeff Bridges/Tommy Lee Jones movie?" some idiot will ask. Nope! Its the classic Corey Haim/Corey Feldman/Nicole Eggert soft core porn classic that appeared on HBO. I remember the first time watching this movie...it was part of some "Friday Night Action" series that HBO was putting together. Let's just say that this movie completely blew my then 14 year old mind. I mean Nicole Eggert (fresh off Charles In Charge) gets naked about 5 different times in this movie. If you could name one actress IN HER PRIME from an 80's TV show that would you want to sell their integrity for a movie like this, Nicole Eggert would have to be up there right? Runners up would probably be Stacy Keenan from My Two Dads and the red head from My Two Dads (who actually did get nude now that I think of it but not until years later).

Here's the trailer...



It also seemed to have a decent plot though I was certainly ignoring any plot discrepancies due to the excessive nudity and thrusting. I haven't seen this movie in at least 10-15 years but I love how the Dad in this movie gets pushed off a cliff on his motorcycle. There's also random dancing by Corey Feldman and some of most random plot twists ever found in a movie. The best is the final scene where its Corey vs. Corey and one gets shot (I won't say which one dies). Even 90210 alum Kathleen Robertson makes an appearance (though sadly does not get naked).

Anyway, Corey Haim will be missed...and I hope that if he is reading this blog from his computer in heaven, that he truly appreciates the number of prepubescent lives he touched with his timeless classic "Blown Away".

Classic Commercials - Drinking And Driving Can Kill A Friendship

Watching a lot of syndicated TV shows in the 80's like Differ'ent Strokes and Facts Of Life, there would be an adult commercial that I would never understand (see the earlier post on Summer's Eve for one example). In any event, my favorite "adult" commercial was one where various glasses of alcoholic beverages would shatter against each other, simulating a car crash.



I love the foreboding voice ("when friends don't stop friends from drinking...friends DIE"). I also don't think ever heard a tire screech last that long. First up are the glasses of wine...then the beer. Each time the announcer voice pauses longer and enunciates the word DIE even more.

I was always fascinated by the glasses shattering in slow motion but even more amazed by that tiny little splash of liquid from the scotch that falls back into the glass.

Best Picture

Tom Hanks comes on and just named the winner...The Hurt Locker...no run through of the nominations?

Oh well, no big deal...

Nice win for the Hurt Locker! Love the cast so happy behind them. Since just about everybody saw Avatar, its time that the Hurt Locker gets seen by more people.

A lot of people will say "what?!?" tomorrow but trust me this movie will blow you away. The last 25 minutes are better than most movies will ever hope to make.

Alright, I'm off to bed...not sure if I'm going to do this again next year...I'm burned out....but I hope the few of you that humored me by checking this out got a little chuckle out of it.

Best Director

Barbara Streisand, fresh off butchering the We Are The World remake, is about to announce the Best Director award.

This is James Cameron versus his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow...screw everybody else here.

I'm pulling for Bigelow. I think The Hurt Locker was the grittier slightly better made movie. She'd be the first woman to win and Cameron has one for Titanic. Still, he created an entire world, characters, and language. Tough call here.

And the winner is Kathryn Bigelow...I love how James Cameron mouthed the words "OKAY....OKAY" when they announced her name.

Alright Barbara, get off the stage. Wow, KB looks great. I wonder in Cameron is looking at his current wife and then looking at her and wondering if he made a mistake.

No reference to her ex-husband but a great shout out to the troops in Iraq. Also like the quick shots of the other directors. Quentin looked unhappy again.

Best Actress

Here's a random mix of people to honor the

Forrest Whitaker gets Sandra Bullock - He's come a long way since "Fast Times At Ridgemont High". Hope Floats? I vaguely remember that movie. I wish Sly Stallone came out and talked about how much he enjoyed working with her in "Demolition Man"

Michael Sheen gets Helen Mirren- This guy looks pretty cool and he was in Frost/Nixon last year. Helen seems embarassed by his words or maybe just nerves. The Brits honoring the Brits.

Here's that Skarrsgard guy honoring Carey Mulligan. Skarrsgard will always be the the scumbag friend of Marky Mark in the movie "Fear" with Reese Witherspoon. He's all grown up now.

Oprah! Who else could honor the girl from Precious. Oprah jumped all over this movie but only AFTER it was made. Awww, Gaby is crying...nice tribute Oprah! Now back to the Oscars.

Stanley Tucci gets Meryl Streep. I forgot they were in "Devil Wears Prada" together. I like his sense of humor.

Here's recently divorced Sean Penn....one of my favorites. Not sure where he was going with that little Academy speech.

Its Meryl or Sandra...and the winner is...

Sandra Bullock...hmmm, not sure how I feel about that. Good for her I guess. Looked like she was going to hug Meryl but Meryl pushed her away in a loving way. She's doing the "thank the other nominee thing" that Michael Caine did a few years ago. She better hurry up though with all of these people to thank...its pushing midnight here.

Sandra Bullock is now the first actress to win a Razzie (worst performance in a film with All About Steve) and an Oscar in the same year too.

Hey its Jesse James!

Best Actor

They're bringing out former coworkers to pay tribute to the five nominees. Let's see who they are.


1.) Michelle Pfieffer - tells a story about Jeff Bridges in "The Faboulous Baker Boys". I never understood that movie. She's going on for awhile here...too many cliches.

2.) Vera wahtshername - Hmmmm...she's trying to crack a joke but getting little response. Ugh, these tributes are going on too long.

3.) Julianne Moore - she talks up Colin Firth in A Simple Man. I see what they're trying to do here....tell some nice stories about the nominee....but it sounds like a speech a co-worker would give when their boss is about to retire

4.) Tim Robbins - Nice! Some Shawshank Redemption stories. Good story....good joke there. Very nice tribute there! Good job Tim.

5.) Colin Ferral - Colin roasts his friend, at least I hope he's his friend...they seem like cool guys.

And here's Kate...all Britishy to name the winner. It should be Jeff Bridges.

And the winner is Jeff Bridges...niiiice! He's been acting for almost 40 years but he looks great. Nice shout out to Mom and Dad....uh-oh, don't break down here...he's got the choked up laughs going. Haha, I like his looseness here....he seems a bit stoned maybe? He is "the Dude" after all and I think tonight, "The Dude obliges".






I wish they'd bring out Kathy Ireland to do this.

Avatar

Kathy Bates pops up to talk up Avatar. I always liked Kathy Bates...she didnt' get famous until her 40's.

Avatar was a great movie too. Its weird seeing it in 2D with these clips.

Another commercial break???

Best Foriegn Film

Alec and Steve appear together for the first time in a bit (on stage at least) to present Tarentino and Pedro to present best foriegn film. What's up with all of the lamps around them?

I'll admit, I'm starting to slowly fade here...need some juice to spruce the awards up here. Let's get to the Actor/Actress/Director/Best Picture Awards already!

The winner is the Argentian film...At first it seems one guy is coming up but a whole swarm of people appear. Only one Oscar for all those people? Uh-oh, he's going to get played off...hurry!

James Cameron is not amused.

The Hurt Locker

Neo introduces The Hurt Locker. I saw this before Avatar so Avatar is a little more fresh but these clips remind me of how great this movie was. SEE THIS MOVIE.

Big awards coming up!

Best Editor

Tyler Perry makes a few jokes about editing. He's asking for a closeup but the camera seems to stay in one place. His jokes are dumb but it looks like he's having fun out there.

The editing award goes to Hurt Locker...hmmm momentum swings back to The Hurt Locker? Avatar seems to be winning the awards that it doesn't compete against The Hurt Locker with while the Hurt Locker are winning the head to head battles with Avatar.

Best Documentary

Its Alec (haven't seen the hosts in awhile) and here's Matt Damon to present the documentary feature.

A few of these I want to see. The Cove was about how dolphins are apparently killed for meat to sell to people. Food Inc. is about the food industry.

The Cove should win here...it looks gritty. Food Inc. has been done before (it stars the actor Two Face from The Dark Knight, Aaron Eckhart) but I can't remember the movie at the moment.

The Cove wins as it should, I had never heard of this topic before. Fisher Stevens? He used to be married to Kirstie Allen if that's the same guy who I'm thinking of...this was 15 years ago.

I wish they didn't play them off. Their movie raised a lot of awareness.

Up In The Air

Jason Batemen gets to talk about Up In The Air. Good to see Jason Batemen back in the limelight. Its been a long hard journey all the way back Teen Wolf 2.

Up In The Air was just an okay movie to me. A little overrated with a twist I caught near the beginning of the movie if you think about it.

Visual Effects

Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper, two of the newer leading men in Hollywood, get the honor of presenting the award for Special Effects. Last chance for District 9 to win something (they won't win best picture) but Avatar has to take this...right?

Yup, Avatar wins. These guys must feel relieved...they worked on this film for years to get it made. Good for them. All the guys who win for Avatar thanks Cameron as if he'll hurt them if they don't.

Hmmm...Avatar has the momentum again here.

Best Score

J-Lo and the guy from Avatar and Terminator Salvation present the best score

J-Lo looks pretty much the same she did 10 years ago...but she needs a hit (song or movie) to be relevent a few years from now.

Uh-oh...abstract dancing. Will Doogie Hauser make another appearance here? Borrrring. I like the guy doing the robot though...or is he miming? I forget the difference.

This has ground the show to a halt...I mean the dancing is great but it seems to have more purpose at the Grammys. They get a semi standing ovation at least.

And Up wins for the best score...good for them. The guy seems confused where to go up the stairs and he almost steps on J-Lo's dress. Oh boy, this guy has a speech all set...but I like it.

Please let's get the show going again.

People who have died

C'mon Demi get out there. Oooo!!! My favorite part. Seeing what actors you recognize that have passed away. Let's see who gets the biggest applause. Quick notes.

James Taylor sings a Beatles song?

Patrick Swayze...oooo...almost forgot about him. You're like the wind PS!

Jean Simmons...not the Kiss singer, it was a lady.

David Carradine...he wins the award for weirdest death this year. Strangling yourself while masturbating.

Dom Deluise!!! He was in a ton of game shows.

Ron Silver...lots of bad guy roles like Blue Steele

Brittany Murphy...way too young. Farewell Luanne from King Of The Hill.

Roy Disney - Walt Disney's son I think.

Michael Jackson - One real movie to his credit, "The Wiz", but enough to warrant a mention I guess...unless movies surface with him playing little boys...Boo-Yah!

Natasha Richardson - This was the saddest of them all...Liam Neeson's wife. She died after banging her head skiing. Always wear a helmet!

Cinematography

Hey, a "V" preview!

Anyway, back to show and here's Sandra "Sandy" Bullock to present best cinematographer. I like how she said that they're referenced as the "DP"...insert X-rated joke here.

Sandy does a good job of presenting these foreign sounding names. She blows through them really fast. Looks like she wants to sit back down quickly.

The winner is Avatar and the guy throws a shout to Italy. James Cameron's wife looks way to skinny. Its never good when you can see your chest bones.

Inglorious Basterds

John Travolta appears in public for the first time since his son died (at least I think so) to talk up Inglorious Basterds. This was a great movie...only movie of the other 8 that has a chance to beat Avatar or The Hurt Locker.

Science Awards

Elizabeth Banks? What good movie has she ever been in? Of course they give her bad material to work with but she's used to that...bah-Dum-Dum.

Are they playing her off? Oh, that's the just music to show who won for that goofy award show.

Nice job Elizabeth...see you in your next bad movie...or skin flick?

Sound Mixing

More Anna and Zach...its pretty much the same nominees except you swap Up for Transformers.

Hmmmm...The Hurt Locker wins again. I would have thought Avatar would have won awards like this but who knows. Maybe the Hurt Locker is starting a major run here.

Now why does the guy who just spoke steal air time from this other guy. Oh well...

Sound Mixing

Morgan Freeman's voice of God appears to show how sound mixing works...um, they do this EVERY FREAKING YEAR. It just takes up time. Not sure who walks out of a theater and goes..."DAMN, did you hear that sound editing?!?"

Crowd goes crazy for all the nominees...I like that.

The winner is The Hurt Locker which makes sense since its full of bullets and explosions.

Whoa! This guy looks like a vampire. Love how he's still trying to look young with the wispy long greying hair.

Horror Tribute 2

I bet most Twihards are creaming in there pants right now seeing these two together.

Yes, I love Kristen Stewart's throat clear. Let's check this horror tribute out.

Jaws, Nightmare on Elm Street, Child's Play, Poltergeist, Psycho, The Shining, Scream, Hellraiser, Saw, Aliens, The Leapruchaun (with Jenifer Aniston!), Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, The Ring, Misery, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane, Dracula, Frankenstein (both versions), Beetlejuice, Sleepy Hallow, Dracula (both versions), Little Shop Of Horrors, Twilight (c'mon...ugh), The Sixth Sense, Alien, Carrie, The Blob (1988 version!), The Omen, Silence Of The Lambs.

Cool stuff! BUT WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS OTHER THAN TO SEE THE TWILIGHT ACTORS?!?

Tribute to Horror Movies

Steve and Alec do a shout out to the band conductors and then a Paranormal Activity spoof. Not too bad...but was that it?

Precious

Where have you been Charlize? She still looks pretty tasty. She hasn't been in too much since she won the academy award but she did win so she gets to present something every now and then.

Where's the tribute to horror they talked about earlier...let's go.

Costume Design

Hopefully SJP will anot dominate the conversation. She sort of does by getting to read the award.

SJP is slowly falling apart. She needs to do something like Cameron Diaz did to look good again. I mentioned it before but SJP is starting to look like the wolf in the American Werewolf In London....yes or no?

Best Art Direction

Ellen Ripley comes on to talk about Aliens and goes right into Art Direction. I have no idea what this category is about but it seems about set design and things to make the movie look like a movie.

The winner is...Avatar. I guess that's not a surprise. Ellen Ripley almost breaks down there for a sec. Again, it takes forever for these guys to reach the stage. Strange...three guys get the Oscar but four guys come on stage. Not so fast there guy standing in the shadows next to Sigorney Weaver.

Nice speech here...well any speech will be nice when a guy talks about how he nearly died.

An Education

Hello Colin Firth. He seems to be a lot of good movies but most of them are British (like Bridget Jones Diary) so they're a little stuffy for me.

I heard An Education was good but it seems a bit too stodgy. We'll see...

Oh no...Sarah Jessica Parker...shoot me now!!!

Best Supporting Actress

Robin Williams is here only because Heath Ledger passed away (usually the prior year's winner presents the award). Nice low brow balls joke there Robin...c'mon man, you're more sophisticated than that.

Mo'Nique will probably win this hands down but maybe Anna can pull this out. She was very good in Up In The Air. I need to see Precious because I heard Mo'Nique's character was just pure evil and that's the sign of a great performance.

And the winner is...Maggie Gyllenhaal! Just kidding...its Mo'Nique. If anybody is going to cry and get all serious its her. The crowd seems to love her.

I like how she thanked her attorney. Mo'Nique supposedly has an open marriage with her husband. I think I just saw him wink at Cameron Diaz.

Queen Latifah

I can't put my finger on it but I can't figure out why Queen Latifah annoys me a little bit.

She's plugging another awards ceremony where everybody seems to laugh really hard at everything everybody says.

This awards show seems a lot more fun than the Oscars themselves.

Love Queen's fake laugh coming out of the clip.

C'mon...stand up for Lauren BaCall! She was married to Humphrey Bogart! Penelope Cruz looks begrudgingly annoyed that she has to get up.

Best Adapted Screenplay

I love Rachel McAdams. Here she's with Jake Gyllenhaal presenting best Adapted Screenplay.

Its Up In The Air to lose but I hope District 9 somehow pulls it off...c'mon!

And in a bit of an upset, Precious wins...at least I think its an upset. This guy looks like a young Sidney Poitier. Here comes the waterworks.

Pull yourself together man...this is your moment. I haven't heard anyone sigh this much since Tiger's speech a couple of weeks ago. He's speaking in abstract phrases.

Im glad they didn't have to play him off. That would have been awkward.

Nice cutaway to Morgan Freeman...hmmm, why did that do THAT?

I love Steve Martin.

A Serious Man

...or the the worst of the 10 movies being nominated. I wasted $5.95 on PPV to watch this dreck. No plot and just plain boring. There are some decent parts but it doesn't compare to the other 9 films.

Coming up next...Mo'Nique wins her award and the betting begins to see if she'll break down on stage.

Ben Stiller and Best Makeup

Ben Stiller comes out dressed as one of the characters in Avatar. I like the shot of Cameron laughing.

Good bit here. Stiller can be annoying sometimes but this is great. Love the eyes.

The category is makeup...Avatar can't be nominated since a lot of it was CGI so this is sort of the runner up category.

Star Trek gets a win..good for them. Probably the best overall summer popcorn flick of 2009.

They're taking too much time to get to the stage...probably have less than a minute to talk. No way all three get to talk here. The woman takes up all the time but love the "Happy Anniversary baby" shout out...how nice.

Live Action Short Film

Another category I don't follow..at least they're banging them out real quick. The guy who won is talking to slow...hurry up! The poor old guy next to you won't be able to say anything.

You idiot!!! You didn't let that old guy get the chance to talk!!! DAMN IT.

Best Documentary Short

Again, haven't seen these films but the titles seem intriguing. And the winner is Prudence. The director seems to be sitting in the back row! Another guy who won't have time to speak.

Whoa, who's the lady that just bullyed her way in there? Nice job, lady...you just screwed up your partner's and your own moment. What a bitch!

Short Film

If the new Uhura's dress on backwards? She's wearing it like a hospital gown on the wrong way.

Taylor Hackford did one of the most underrated movies of the 90's...The Devil's Advocate...and I curse at him for making Jamie Foxx a big enough actor star to think he could make decent songs.

Some random clips here and talks by big name directors. Not sure why they're mixing in feature length films with short films.

Ok then!

Haven't seen any of these movies...and the winner is Logorama. Neat concept there. This guy better hurry his speech since he's small potatoes compared to other people there. Asking for applause is a little desparate but hey, this his once in a lifetime moment.

Up

Sam Jackson comes out in his military beret to talk about Up.

Shortest update ever?

John Hughes tribute.

Its 1985 all over again! Either Molly is taller than I thought or Matthew is small than I thought.

Oops here's why they are together...John Hughes. I like the Ferris Bueller reference there by Broderick.

Lots of good movie references there...Mr. Mom, Planes Trains and Automobiles, Pretty In Pink, Home Alone, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Some Kind Of Wonderful, National Lampoon Vacation...no love for Uncle Buck?!?

Its the Brat Pack! Whoa, some of them aged a little more crazy than others (is that you Ally Sheedy and Anthony Michael Hall?) except for MacCauley Culkin who still looks young. Too bad he blew his fame on cocaine!

Pretty cool...I thought you'd see this on the MTV Movie Awards.

Iron Man and Sarah Palin - Best Screenplay

Alec is back to introduce another random pairing Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. Not sure if Robert needs to wears his sunglasses but oh well....I liked his over the topness here on writers versus actors but there seems to be a lot of inside Hollywood jokes here.

Best Original Screenplay award goes to the Hurt Locker. Interesting...poor Quinten, he spends 10 years to get Inglorious Basterds made and he looks PISSED.

Supposedly this guy Boal is going to be sued for stealing the story from somebody else....we'll see. Nice shout out to his recently deceased father.

District 9 Overview

Its the new James T. Kirk...and District 9! C'mon baby, win something. If you haven't seen this movie and you have a penis between your legs...then you must see this movie. IF that little tidbit doesn't get you excited then nothing will.

That was the perfect elixir to get over sad thoughts of Boner's demise.

COMMERCIAL!

Best Song

A bad Hangover joke and a good age joke by Steve and Alec lead to Amanda Seyfried and Miley Cyrus. Miley seems to be leaning a bit and can't keep their hands still. Miley throws Amanda under the bus by saying "we're both nervous" while Amanda seemed to be doing just fine thank you Miley.

What the heck happened to this category? I haven't heard of any of these songs. Bring back the days of "Footloose", "Against All Odds", and the Karate Kid Part 2 song! They also did away with the artists performing these songs...good call this year since nobody has really heard them.

And the award goes to the Crazy Heart song. I like that name...T.Bone. I'm getting choked up here because T. Bone makes me think of T. Boner which makes me think of Boner from Growing Pains who just died. Sad.

I need to compose myself here quickly...

Best Animated Feature

The great thing about the Oscars is random pairings of people. Here you get Cameron Diaz and Steve Carrell.

Cameron is trying to turn the clock back to 1994 circa The Mask.

C'mon Cameron....get it together.

Here's a run through of the animated features in character being interviewed by Barbara Walters. Eh, not the greatest thing.

Yes! An Ed Asner sighting!

No surprise...Up wins. I didn't see it but I'm afraid to after hearing how emotional the first 5-10 minutes are. The guy accepting the award seems like a cool geeky guy. I love the weepy wife (she's sporting some cleavage there).

Ryan Reynolds Talks about The Blind Side

Ryan Reynolds is a lucky man...he gets to sleep next to Scarlett Johanson's breasts every night...though she's not there tonight for some reason.

I love his set up the movie here...he's way too serious...he needs his wife's breasts to loosen him up.

I didn't see this movie...I thought it was more of a chick flick and I usually wait until chick flick's appear on DVD when my wife wants to watch those kinds of movie.

Penelope Cruz and Best Supporting Actor

Penelope Cruz speaks worse english than I remember.

They are showing more highlights of the nominees than normal here. I'd like to see Invictus and the The Messenger. Stanley Tucci has always been a great character actor...what's up with that goofy laugh?

Hmmm...they are showing a lot of scenes at the end of Inglorious Basterds...spoiler alert?

And the winner is...Christoph Waltz. I'm tuning out his speech though.

During his speech, there's a scroll that says that ABC is going back on Cablevision....welcome back to the rest of the world my fellow 516,631, and 718 brothers!

Oscars Main Broadcast - Opening

Here we go! They start the show introducing all of the actor and actress nominations. I think this is neat....though Jeremy Renner and that actress from the Messenger seems to look starstruck.

J-Lo and Robin Williams sitting next to each other?

Its Doogie Hauser! He's singing a song about people not wanting to do something alone. Not sure about dropping the soap reference is PC but hey who am I to judge and James Cameron being shown in complete darkness. Now its turning into a big dance production. Doogie's voice was ready to crack there but he pulls it off.

Here's Steve and Alec, I guess the song thing allows them to just go right into the monologue. Nice jab there by Steve to Alec about how he's accomplished little in his career.

Meryl Streep gets a most losses nod which is funny. Christopher Plummer stands up to acknowledge his own applause...hmmm.

The laughter and applause sounds weird....its like they're at a small club.

Lots of random but good jokes. Meryl Streep and Hitler memoriabilia....A Precious videogame joke...Steve Martin references "The Jerk"...Woody Harrelson gets a drug reference (!)...A nice riff on Cameron in 3D and and Avatar...an ex-wife joke about Cameron sending Katherine Bigelow a Toyota...another funny Jewish joke about Inglorious Basterds though some of the actors weren't laughing...a Sandra Bullock joke in that she might now win...Zach and Effron look like deer in headlights...and a running George Clooney joke.

Not too bad...

ABC Preshow - 8:20-end

Tina Fey and Steve Carrell are interviewed and they do this dumb bit about it not being the Emmys and get to plug a movie. I like them because they know they have act all silly.

Kathy Ireland talks up Miley like she's the second coming of Jesus Christ. Thank youuuuu.

Sherry gets Jeff Bridges. He just looks like a super cool guy. He's come a long way since the remake of King Kong.

The dude gets Kate Winslet. Sadly she's given up nude scenes but then again when most actresses hit their mid 30's, you don't care much about seeing them nude anymore.

Kathy gets the hefty girl from Precious. Wow, Kathy says the whole title of the movie Precious without stumbling. Gabourey is funny...I was in the kitchen during the preshow and thought it was Sarah Silverman being interviewed.

Sherry gets Taylor Lautner and he uses words like "amaaaazing, thrilled to be here, going to be a great night". Nice job kid, you've been hollywoodfied already at 17.

The dude gets Meryl Streep. She looks good at 60. She seems down to earth. I'd be like her in that I'd use these award shows to "catch up with friends".

Kathy takes us out and looks like she's wobbly...what a revelation. I need more of her. Off to the show...

Segment and more interviews

Weird segment here...though I like the movie title "The Song Of Bernadette". I guess they're comparing the last time there were 10 nominees. Nothing too exciting here.

More interviews: Sherry and J-Lo. Sherry is getting more comfortable with the celebs, I think she's getting better. J-Lo says she liked Precious which seems to surprise Sherry for some reason. I need more Kathy Ireland though.

Quick shot of Kathy Bates there but now over to the dude interviewing Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick...Talk about a token husband. Sarah's face is slowing turning in the mid-transformation scene face in "An American Werewolf in London".

Sherry and Cameron...the run Cameron is on (The Box), this could be her last Oscars appearance in awhile. Sherry is letting out weird noises.

No Kathy!!! Where is she???

More Interviews

Kathy thanks some dress wearers..."con-GRAT-ulations!!!".

The dude interviews Matt Damon and kisses his ass for a minute.

Sherry gets Helen Mirren and Christopher Plummer. Sherry gushes over Helen's movie but I bet you $1,000 she never saw it. Christopher Plummer will always be the bad guy in Star Trek VI..."Cry HAVOK...and let slip the dogs of war". Great bad guy.

Kathy gets Morgan Freeman...I love "Mor-GAN lovely to see yoooou".

I Love Kathy Ireland.

Kathy Ireland sounds like a robot but she looks great. Poor Jake, he has to be interviewed by Kathy...ugh she's full of cliches. Why did she mention Brothers there? That movie already came out last year. Kathy sounds like the Jim Lampley of interviews.

Over to Sherry with George Clooney and his girlfriend who never says anything. She actually mouths a word but that's it.

Now over to the dude interviewer who seems a lot more at ease and smooth. Sandra Bullock looks nice but why he just asked her what she plans on eating after the show is weird..."starving is worth it?"

Back to Kathy Ireland and her weird hand movements. She is pure comedy gold right now! I've never heard the word "carpet" pronounced "car-PET". I love the "Thank you Zach...thank you soooooooo much" to Zach Efron.

I've already found my highlight of the night and we're 7 minutes in!

ABC Pre-Show - 8pm

Its almost go time. This is usually one of the worst interviewed shows of the year. Lasy year, they threw Robin Roberts and Regis on the red carpet and it was a hilarious disaster. Can't wait to see who does it this year.

Ahhhh yes...glorious HD. Its great to see where the bad make up jobs occur.

Whoa! Sherry Shepard, Kathy Ireland, Jess Cagle! So much for Robin Roberts this year.

All five supporting actresses standing next to each other sizing each other up. Penelope Cruz suddenly forgets how to speak clean English. I love Anna Kendrick. The Vera woman looks like she aged 10 years since the Departed.

Ugh, Maggie Gyllenhaal...

I just remembered Mo'Nique was in the movie Beer Fest! She's come a long way. She already sounds she knows she won the award.

Oscar E! Show Wrapup

Ugh, the pretenciousness has begun.

Most Annoying Interview: Miley Cyrus being interviewed and she said she was nervous about not falling while presnting on stage.

Second Most Annoying Interview: Sarah Jessica Parker (my least favorite actress ever) blabbed on and on about what her husband Matthew Broderick is working on despite the fact he's standing right next to her and she didn't let him talk.

Worst/Best "look at me" poses the actresses are making: Miley Cyrus, Queen Latifah, Sarah Jessica Parker, Charlize Theron, and no surprise Cameron Diaz.

Best token husband just standing there while his wife gets all the attention: Marc Anthony

Worst tan lines: Amanda Seyfried, Rachel McAdams, Ryan Seacrest

Best MILF - Katheryn Bigelow (James Cameron's current wife looks like a grandma compared to her)

Best WTF? - The blond co-host of the show is married to Apprentice Season 1 winner Bill Rancic?

Time to change the channel to ABC for their 30 minute preshow...sorry my Cablevision brothers and sisters...I hope there's a last minute miracle!

2010 Oscars - Questions and Notes

Quick notes for the blog.

1.) I will be drinking throughout the show so expect my already lowbrow humor to get even more crude.

2.) Expect tons of spelling mistakes, I type as fast as I think and I want to cram as much as possible while not having you all to wait too often between updates.

3.) I'll update it just about every segment (which should be no more than 5-7 minutes)

4.) I will be drinking throughout the show.

5.) Music is shut off for tonight.

6.) I will be drinking throughout the show.

Oscar questions:
1.) Avatar vs. Hurt Locker, Cameron vs. Bigelow, Streep versus Bullock. Who wins? Those are the toughest races to call.
2.) Will me personal favorites District 9 and Quentin Tarantino win some kind of award?
3.) Will they do that goofy thing again when five old actors and actresses appear to each present one of the nominated actors. That was awesomely goofy last year.
4.) Who gets the largest applause in the "In Memorium" montage. Heath Ledger was not listed last year so he may get it. Would Michael Jackson be mentioned? He was in the Wiz so maybe they'll show him.
5.) How well will the two host gimmick work with Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin?
6.) Will there be any Cablevision mentions since most of NY can't watch it?
7.) Will someone explain why Miley Cyrus and any cast members from the Twilight movies will be presenting?
8.) Any Haiti mentions?
9.) Who presents the Best Picture award? This is usually a surprise.
10.) What actor's speech will be the most pretentious ie. lead to tears? My pick is Mo'Nique (And her damn apostrophe)

Predictions are below!

2010 Oscar Nominations

As some of you who personally know me well, I am a big time movie fan. I'll pretty much watch any movie but also read a couple of great movie magazines made in the U.K. (Total Film and Empire...you can find them in any Borders or Barnes and Noble. Check them out). Anyway, this is one of my favorite nights of the year mainly because it celebrates the movies but you also have the complete stupidity of Hollywood actors and actresses and how way too seriously they take themselves. Sprinkle in some random appearances by old time actors and of course the montage of celebrities who have died this year and you have a great night of comedy gold.

I sadly didn't catch as many of the nominations as I did last year but I caught most of the major movies. Below are my thoughts and predictions on each of the categories. I italicized the movies I saw.


Best Motion Picture of the Year
* Avatar (2009): James Cameron, Jon Landau
* The Blind Side (2009): Gil Netter, Andrew A. Kosove, Broderick Johnson
* District 9 (2009): Peter Jackson, Carolynne Cunningham
* An Education (2009): Finola Dwyer, Amanda Posey
* The Hurt Locker (2008): Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Nicolas Chartier, Greg Shapiro
* Inglourious Basterds (2009): Lawrence Bender
* Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009): Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness, Gary Magness
* A Serious Man (2009): Joel Coen, Ethan Coen
* Up (2009): Jonas Rivera
* Up in the Air (2009/I): Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman, Jason Reitman

Thoughts: This is tough. Avatar completely revolutionized movies forever with the 3D effects and the movie probably holds up well without the 3D. The Hurt Locker was more of a gritty realistic movie and pretty much puts you in downtown Baghdad in 2004. Inglorious Bastards was also very good and I'd say it could be a dark horse but it ran just a little too long. District 9 was probably the second most original movie (after Avatar) and was my favorite movie of the year but probably has little chance. Up In The Air and A Serious Man were two movies I thought were very overrated with A Serious Man being a plotless mess. I didn't see Precious but will when it comes out on DVD Tuesday. Up I heard was awesome but an animated movie hasn't been nominated for Best Picture since Beauty And The Beast so it probably won't win. The Blind Side sounded to me like it was a little too sugary and too Hollywood and I heard good things about An Education but didn't how to watch it.

Prediction: I'm pulling for the Hurt Locker but its going to be close. I think Avatar takes it.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role:
* Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart (2009)
* George Clooney for Up in the Air (2009/I)
* Colin Firth for A Single Man (2009)
* Morgan Freeman for Invictus (2009)
* Jeremy Renner for The Hurt Locker (2008)

Everything points towards Jeff Bridges winning. He'll always be the Dude to me in the The Big Lebowski and the creepy villain in the late 90's thriller The Vanishing so I'm happy for him. George Clooney was good but he didn't stand out THAT much. Jeremy Renner should win based on the last 15 minutes of the Hurt Locker alone but I have to take the critics word for it that Jeff Bridges put on an amazing performance.

Prediction: Having not seen Crazy Heart, I'd go with Renner but this seems to be Bridges year.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
* Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side (2009)
* Helen Mirren for The Last Station (2009)
* Carey Mulligan for An Education (2009)
* Gabourey Sidibe for Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009)
* Meryl Streep for Julie & Julia (2009)

I only saw Julia and Julia and I was probably playing brickbreaker on my phone at the time so I wasn't completely paying attention. Still, I thought she did a good job at playing Julia Child. I hear a lot of talk about Sandra Bullock's performance and how it could come down to her and Meryl Streep. I don't know much about the other performances except the rather large Precious actor did a good job. Helen Mirren is an elder statesman and should be happy to be there. I heard lots of great things about Carey Mulligan but the movie seemed to never play anywhere for anybody. I'll have to check out An Education as some point.

Prediction: I'm pulling for Meryl Streep and think she'll win. If not, it belongs to Sandra Bullock. She's come a long way since Demolition Man and The Net!

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
* Matt Damon for Invictus (2009)
* Woody Harrelson for The Messenger (2009/I)
* Christopher Plummer for The Last Station (2009)
* Stanley Tucci for The Lovely Bones (2009)
* Christopher Waltz for Inglourious Basterds (2009)

I only saw Waltz's performance but it was an awesome. His way of slowly breaking the Nazi fighters down is incredible and his laughing fit of hearing how the actress breaks her leg (mountain climbing) shows how crazy but smart his character was. I love the other actors nominated (especially Woody Harrelson) but Waltz seems to be winning everything else.

Prediction: Waltz...mark it.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
* Penélope Cruz for Nine (2009)
* Vera Farmiga for Up in the Air (2009/I)
* Maggie Gyllenhaal for Crazy Heart (2009)
* Anna Kendrick for Up in the Air (2009/I)
* Mo'Nique for Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009)

Mo'Nique should win this since she's won every other award. I liked the younger girl, Anna Kendrick, in Up In The Air. Vera Farmiga was annoying in her role and I HATE Maggie Gyllenhaal (I was sort of happy her charactered died suddenly in The Dark Knight). Penelope Cruz won last year and Nine sucked a fatty anyway.

Prediction: Mo'Nique (I'm going to hate having to type her name out tonight...stupid apostrophe).

Best Achievement in Directing
* Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker (2008)
* James Cameron for Avatar (2009)
* Lee Daniels for Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009)
* Jason Reitman for Up in the Air (2009/I)
* Quentin Tarantino for Inglourious Basterds (2009)

All good movies here. Again, its going to come down to Cameron and Bigelow, who used to bang each other...cool!, but I'm sort of pulling for Quentin here. Again, its two different type of movies (Cameron created an entire world....Bigelow puts you in a world of hell).

Prediction: Bigelow only because I think Avatar is going to win Best Picture and Oscar voters will want to recognize The Hurt Locker in some way.

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen
* The Hurt Locker (2008): Mark Boal
* Inglourious Basterds (2009): Quentin Tarantino
* The Messenger (2009/I): Alessandro Camon, Oren Moverman
* A Serious Man (2009): Joel Coen, Ethan Coen
* Up (2009): Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Thomas McCarthy

This is interesting. I would think Inglourious Basterds is more original than The Hurt Locker. If this category is about original stories, I'd say Tarantino's was a lot more interesting. Plus, I read a couple of days ago that the Hurt Locker writer Mark Boal is being sued by a guy who said he ripped the story idea off him.

Prediction: Taratino finally wins his long due Oscar.

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published
* District 9 (2009): Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell
* An Education (2009): Nick Hornby
* In the Loop (2009): Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
* Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009): Geoffrey Fletcher
* Up in the Air (2009/I): Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner

I really really REALLY want District 9 to win here...what a really cool movie (I'm a sucker for aliens and big guns...but unlike Avatar, some of the aliens are nasty). Still, Up In The Air seems to hit closer to home in our wacky society and economy today. Plus Jason Reitman's Dad wrote Ghostbusters so he has friends in Hollywood. He also directed Juno last year so the Academy should like him.

Prediction: Come on District 9! But Reitman is my pick.


Best Achievement in Cinematography
* Avatar (2009): Mauro Fiore
* Das weisse Band - Eine deutsche Kindergeschichte (2009): Christian Berger
* Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009): Bruno Delbonnel
* The Hurt Locker (2008): Barry Ackroyd
* Inglourious Basterds (2009): Robert Richardson

Now we get into categories that I'm just going to make complete guesses at. Cinematography is about the scenes and visions of what's going on the screen around the actors. If that's really true, you have to go with Avatar.

Prediction: Avatar...though I'm intrigued to see the short clip of Das weisse Band (goofy name).


Best Achievement in Editing
* Avatar (2009): Stephen E. Rivkin, John Refoua, James Cameron
* District 9 (2009): Julian Clarke
* The Hurt Locker (2008): Bob Murawski, Chris Innis
* Inglourious Basterds (2009): Sally Menke
* Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (2009): Joe Klotz

Not sure how editing plays into a movie but I'd liked the way they cut the action scenes in the four movies I saw. The Hurt Locker might get this but I'll go with Avatar here.

Prediction: Avatar (they should win most of the technical awards tonight).

Best Achievement in Art Direction
* Avatar (2009): Rick Carter, Robert Stromberg, Kim Sinclair
* The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009): David Warren, Anastasia Masaro, Caroline Smith
* Nine (2009): John Myhre, Gordon Sim
* Sherlock Holmes (2009): Sarah Greenwood, Katie Spencer
* The Young Victoria (2009): Patrice Vermette, Maggie Gray

I'm going solely by names here. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was directed by Terry Gilliam who's made some very out there movies (Brazil, 12 Monkeys) and might steal this if Avatar doesn't win this as well.

Prediction: Imaginarium (going to mix it up here).


Best Achievement in Costume Design
* Bright Star (2009): Janet Patterson
* Coco avant Chanel (2009): Catherine Leterrier
* The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009): Monique Prudhomme
* Nine (2009): Colleen Atwood
* The Young Victoria (2009): Sandy Powell

I didn't see any of these movies so I'm going with Monique Prudhomme only because she keeps the spelling of her first name without an apostrophes.

Prediction: Prudhomme.

Best Achievement in Makeup
* Il divo (2008): Aldo Signoretti, Vittorio Sodano
* Star Trek (2009): Barney Burman, Mindy Hall, Joel Harlow
* The Young Victoria (2009): John Henry Gordon, Jenny Shircore

Not sure why Avatar isn't lisited here but then again CGI involves no makeup. Have to go with Star Trek here. Il Divo? Hmmm...

Prediction: Star Trek

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score
* Avatar (2009): James Horner
* Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009): Alexandre Desplat
* The Hurt Locker (2008): Marco Beltrami, Buck Sanders
* Sherlock Holmes (2009): Hans Zimmer
* Up (2009): Michael Giacchino

No movie scores seemed to stand out and James Horner was win a few times in the past but then again so has Hans Zimmer. The song I actually remember the most is the song playing in the supermarket at the end of Hurt Locker.

Prediction: The Avatar train chugs along.

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song
* Crazy Heart (2009): T-Bone Burnett, Ryan Bingham("The Weary Kind")
* Faubourg 36 (2008): Reinhardt Wagner, Frank Thomas("Loin de Paname")
* Nine (2009): Maury Yeston("Take It All")
* The Princess and the Frog (2009): Randy Newman("Almost There")
* The Princess and the Frog (2009): Randy Newman("Down in New Orleans")

It seems that the Crazy Heart song will win but I have a soft spot for Randy Newman if only for the baseball game montage song he did for the Naked Gun AND the basketball game montage in Teen Wolf. Go Randy!

Prediction: Crazy Heart...can't see how it loses.


Best Achievement in Sound Mixing
* Avatar (2009): Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson, Tony Johnson
* The Hurt Locker (2008): Paul N.J. Ottosson, Ray Beckett
* Inglourious Basterds (2009): Michael Minkler, Tony Lamberti, Mark Ulano
* Star Trek (2009): Anna Behlmer, Andy Nelson, Peter J. Devlin
* Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009): Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers, Geoffrey Patterson

Strange in that I saw all five of these movies but the "sound mixing" wasn't something I was paying attention to. Transformers had some pretty cool mechanical sounds but the movie was pretty bad (though not as bad as a non-fan of the old 80's cartoon would say). Avatar's battle scenes was full of sounds going all over the theater. Hurt Locker and Basterds sounds involved guns so they may cancel each other out.

Prediction: Avatar.

Best Achievement in Sound Editing
* Avatar (2009): Christopher Boyes, Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
* The Hurt Locker (2008): Paul N.J. Ottosson
* Inglourious Basterds (2009): Wylie Stateman
* Star Trek (2009): Mark P. Stoeckinger, Alan Rankin
* Up (2009): Michael Silvers, Tom Myers

See above, not sure what the difference is but for some reason Transformers was taken out and Up put in.

Prediction: Hurt Locker only because of the cool name Paul N.J. Ottosson.


Best Achievement in Visual Effects
* Avatar (2009): Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham, Andy Jones
* District 9 (2009): Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros, Matt Aitken
* Star Trek (2009): Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh, Burt Dalton

District 9's aliens seemed like they fit into the movie perfectly but Avatar again created an entire world.

Prediction: Avatar

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year
* Coraline (2009): Henry Selick
* Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009): Wes Anderson
* The Princess and the Frog (2009): John Musker, Ron Clements
* The Secret of Kells (2009): Tomm Moore
* Up (2009): Pete Docter

Didn't see any of these but Up is the only one also nominated for Best Picture. I also heard from two strong willed friends of my mine who are in their 30's and they gently wept after watching the montage in the beginning of the movie. That alone gets my vote.

Prediction: Up!

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year
* Ajami (2009)(Israel)
* Das weisse Band - Eine deutsche Kindergeschichte (2009)(Germany)
* El secreto de sus ojos (2009)(Argentina)
* Un prophète (2009)(France)
* La teta asustada (2009)(Peru)

Hmmm...I'm going by what country I'd like to visit. Israel seems a bit dangerous these days. Peru and Argentina are too jungly for me. That leaves France and Germany. Since I like beer, I'm going with Germany.

Prediction: Das weisse Band...Victaschnief!

Best Documentary, Features
* Burma VJ: Reporter i et lukket land (2008): Anders Østergaard, Lise Lense-Møller
* The Cove (2009): Louie Psihoyos, Fisher Stevens
* Food, Inc. (2008): Robert Kenner, Elise Pearlstein
* The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers (2009): Judith Ehrlich, Rick Goldsmith
* Which Way Home (2009): Rebecca Cammisa

I need to see some of these. I heard great things about The Cove (about how dolphins are killed for their meat) and Food, Inc. (inside look at the food industry). I'm going with a movie that shows the shocking treatment of Flipper.

Prediction: The Cove

Best Documentary, Short Subjects
* China's Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province (2009) (TV): Jon Alpert, Matthew O'Neill
* The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner (2009): Daniel Junge, Henry Ansbacher
* The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant (2009) (TV): Steven Bognar, Julia Reichert
* Królik po berlinsku (2009): Bartosz Konopka, Anna Wydra
* Music by Prudence (2010): Roger Ross Williams, Elinor Burkett

Hmmm...I'm just going by titles here. I'm going to go with the second one. I'm not sure who Booth Gardner was but I like that name...combine with the name of one of the guys who made it, Junge, and that's my pick.

Prediction: The Booth Garder flick that Junge made.

Best Short Film, Animated
* French Roast (2008): Fabrice Joubert
* Granny O'Grimm's Sleeping Beauty (2008): Nicky Phelan, Darragh O'Connell
* La dama y la muerte (2009): Javier Recio Gracia
* Logorama (2009): Nicolas Schmerkin
* Wallace and Gromit in 'A Matter of Loaf and Death' (2008) (TV): Nick Park

Going by names again. I've heard of the Wallace and Gromit people (they did that movie Chicken Run years ago). That's my pick though I like that Granny O'Grimm title.

Prediction: Wallace and Gromit.

Best Short Film, Live Action
* The Door (2008): Juanita Wilson, James Flynn
*Istället för abrakadabra (2008): Patrik Eklund, Mathias Fjällström
* Kavi (2009): Gregg Helvey
* Miracle Fish (2009): Luke Doolan, Drew Bailey
* The New Tenants (2009): Joachim Back, Tivi Magnusson

I'm going for the second one only because I can't wait to see whoever presents this award try to pronounce it.

Prediction: Here's my stab at it..."is-tah-let for ah-bra-cah-dah-bra"